It is a peaceful Sunday afternoon. Or at least, it should be peaceful! My mind is racing, my heart is pounding, and I cannot breathe.

I know what is happening. I need to run! I need to flee! I need to get out of here! I can tell that my dad is worried, but I do not want to bother him with my feelings. It will only make him worried. My dad does not say anything. He is good at that sort of thing. He just listens and somehow picks up sentences between the lines, I never even said. And yet, this time, he puts a little pressure on me. Enough to make me tell him in an outburst of desperation that I am not ok. I feel alone, afraid, and I have been feeling as if something bad is going to happen for weeks now. I do not know why. I do not know how. And yes, I am probably imagining things, but I do not know what to do anymore. It feels as if my life is at stake, and there is nothing I can do to make things better.

My bike is in the shed. I grab it and start my way to the park. The wind is in my face, and my feeling of not being able to breath intensifies. I feel my chest tighten. My legs are burning, most likely from the fybromyalgia but at the moment I cannot be certain. I am in blind panic. I want to scream. To the Heavens and to myself, but who will listen? I have already said so many prayers, but I am still in the same state of fear that I was in years ago. Life feels hopeless. I keep cycling and when I arrive at the park, I quickly drop my bike at the nearest parking area. Blindly I walk into the park. I do not know where, but I must find a place to breathe!

The trees are changing colors ever so gently. Many trees are still green, but the first yellow leaves are waiting to fall, and the first trees with red leaves proudly show off their colors. I keep walking. I keep breathing. In four counts, out four counts. Until suddenly I hear a voice from deep inside my heart. It is not my own voice or my own thoughts, but a voice independent from mine. A guardian? An Angel? Or even the voice of God? The words pierce through my heart, “Sometimes, all you have to do, is look up!” With tears burning in my eyes, I direct my gaze up. I see branches with green leaves, and behind it, the white clouds like a sea of light. I feel the presence of God inside of me. It is everywhere! My heart takes a slower pace, and the fear and panic disappear. The storm that was raging has calmed down. I find a bench and sit down. For the first time in weeks, I feel calm.

The song from the Casting Crowns, ‘Only Jesus’, starts playing in my head. It does not stop. But it is exactly what I need! Only Jesus. Only Jesus can calm the storm inside of me. Only Jesus can take away the fear, grieve, and pain. Only Jesus can fill me with a love that is lasting and true. Only Jesus can find me when I push away everyone else. Only Jesus! Only Jesus! Only Jesus! On this bench, in this park, with its beautiful colors, it is only Jesus that has been able to calm me down.

In this moment I realize that I should speak up more about how I feel! I should open up to my loved ones more often if I feel like drowning. God places people in our lives to help us on our journey, but during the entire course of my life, I have been trying to do it alone! Me and God against the world! But that is not the way God meant it! I am allowed to open up, and ask people to help me, pray for, and comfort me! I don’t have to do this life alone!

We all need people in our life, and that is the exact reason, I wanted to share this personal story of mine! I want to ask you to look around you. In your own life, community, and circle of friends, there are those who feel like they are drowning! All they need is for someone to see them, to hear them, to comfort them. I know life is busy, but I also know that it does not have to take long. Please let them know that you are there! Do not let them drown in their own feelings and thoughts, but reach out your hand, and hold them tight! We all feel alone from time to time. We all need a friend! Remember that!