My newest poem. Enjoy!
My newest poem. Enjoy!
In a broken world,
consumed by selfishness,
I am restrained,
by countless limitations.
The chains of restrictions,
the prison of human opinions,
are taking my breath,
leading to suffocation.
My heart yearns,
for the power of Your word,
that created a universe,
and made man breath.
God of all creations,
my heart writes,
the song of Your heart.
To give hope and love,
to the mirror reflections,
around the world.
The chains are broken,
the prisoners released,
by the words of Your lips,
and the act of Your heart.
Longing for freedom,
in a broken world.
My heart cries out,
to my God and Father;
Let me breath, Lord,
the mighty air,
of Your endless Possibilities.
The poem ‘Dear Yeshua’ was written a couple of years ago, with all the women in mind who have walked away from Him/Yeshua. (Yeshua is the Hebrew word for the name Jesus, in the days when Jesus was on earth, everybody called Him Yeshua (Since He lived in Israel and Hebrew was one of the languages they spoke at the time))
I think we all know someone who really needs Jesus in his/her life. I wrote this poem directed to women, mainly because I am a woman myself. Most of my poems I write from my own perspective. Each poem is different of course, some are about me, in some God speaks to me personally, in some God speaks to the world and in others it is about someone else. In the poems that are about other people, I step in the lives and hearts of these people to write their story. If I write this way, I never know who it is I am writing about. God never discloses this with me! I just write what God gives me and for me that is enough. Fun fact is that this allows me to put a little something of myself in it as well. It makes the poetry more personal to me. My heart is attached to each and very single poem I ever wrote, and that is what makes poetry so wonderful to me.
Back to the poem, this poem is a prayer to Jesus/Yeshua. In this prayer I ask Him to bring every person that once walked away back. Of course we can incorporate the people who never heard from Jesus as well. I hope you will pray this prayer with me!
Enjoy this poem and tell me your thoughts, or if you have a prayer request, send them to me (you can type your request below this poem, or you can fill in the contact form) I am more than willing to pray for you!
Dear Yeshua, Son of God,
all I wants to know,
is who you are and what you do,
and the love that You bestow.
Ever since I was a little girl,
I read Your stories on and on,
Your love, like magic, filled my heart,
I wonder where it’s gone.
Not by You, that’s what I know,
You didn’t walk away.
Perhaps that little girl grew up,
or maybe she just lost her way?
Whatever happened, bring her back.
bring her to Your flock,
Protect her like a shepherd does,
and let her feel Your love.
Dear Yeshua, hold her tight,
and open up her heart,
teach her with that magic love,
that you will never be apart.
Inability to love
Your inability to love someone,
has nothing to do with that persons’s flaws,
but with your own inability,
to see beyond your own perspective.
Behind your own perspective,
that is where Heaven reveals herself.
The inability to love someone,
is the inability to see Heaven,
in someone else’s eyes.
Sometimes we can wish for things we don’t need. Hope for things that are unnecessary in our life. Sometimes we lack a good vision of what we already have. We live like a bird in a big orangery. We look outside wondering what is out there. Dreaming of all the beautiful places we could visit, incredible moments we could experience and miracles we could establish. We dream of a world created in our minds but when the doors open and we get the opportunity to experience the truth. The reality is often not what we thought it would be. And sometimes we look back, only to understand, that life in that orangery was better than everything we could ever experience outside of it. And that is where this poem is all about. Enjoy!
Until I reach the glass,
flowers surround me,
birds smile at me in delight,
and the comfortable warmth,
covers me like a blanket.
Until I see the cage,
life goes by unnoticed,
for love takes care of me,
and in this joyful song,
I find my home.
Until I see the reflection,
the mirror shows only myself,
the outer shell is polished up,
but nothing shows the inside,
where questions bubble in the heat,
and my tears remain unnoticed.
Until the door is opened,
the good life is unnoticed,
and I swim in a pool of ingratitude,
where my blurred eyes,
dream impossible dreams.
Until I am looking back,
I will never fully realize,
that what I had was enough,
and what I wished for,
was all I never needed.
This morning I was thinking about insecurity in life and faith because it is something that I experience at times and I know that so many others do to. So often we are looking at the great teachers, speakers and writers of today and we feel less than them. They seem to have it all figured out. Their wisdom seems incessantly and somewhere deep inside of us, we feel like they are better Christians than we are. They are smarter, know the answers we don’t know, understand things we don’t understand and so many people follow their lead, so they must be “perfect”. In our own insecurity we follow their lead, read their books and listen to what they have to say in order to be as good as them. But our insecurity does not go away. Instead we search harder, try harder and we spend more time finding what we don’t have. This does not happen to everybody of course but I know some of you will recognize themselves in this. And these people, me included, are wondering why we cannot be as good as them. How come they understand everything and I am stuck with so many questions, such doubt, such emotional struggles. When do I reach the end of my search for perfect faith, like they have seemed to reach theirs?
Our faith, as James tells us in James 1 (Holy Bible) is like the sea. One moment it is low tide and the other it is high tide but it is never in balance. The storms come and go, waves grow bigger and smaller but our faith is unstable. To many questions and doubt rush through our minds. Our search for strength, peace and stability seems to go on, while others seem so much stronger than we are.
We have become like beachcombers. We keep searching for the one gem, that one answer to all our questions. We have prayed about it, asked for help, read books, visited conferences and services, we tried worship and we listened to so many family, friends, preachers and speakers that we lost count. But the search does not come to an end. We never stop and be satisfied with what we already have. It is never enough. It can always be better. We do try to be grateful and peaceful but our eyes keep spying the beach for more new treasures.
When are we enough?
Of course it is important to keep working on your life, faith and interaction with one another, but when is it enough? We are like a desert. We drink the water we receive but before the bottle is empty we are already searching for the next because we are still thirsty. Just knowing Jesus and His love for us isn’t enough anymore. We want more…we need more.
When we keep comparing ourselves to others – Christians, speakers, teachers, writers etc. – we miss out on a great truth;
Jesus is already enough. He is all we need!
When are we going to realize that Jesus loves us the way we are? Jesus doesn’t expect us to be a certain way or act a certain way. He doesn’t want us to be like everybody else. Jesus loves us for who He created us to be. All He wants is for us to realize that His love is enough. He is enough! Jesus wants a relationship with you. A personal one where you stop worrying about what the lady in row six at church might think about you and the way you love Jesus! Jesus loves you with your flaws and perfections. He loves the beautiful person that He created you to be.
God created us all in a different way. We are all unique and beautifully made but for many of us that is not enough. We don’t feel enough. We see the way others live their faith and we get jealous. We look at ourselves and see a million mistakes and we wonder, maybe I didn’t pray enough, maybe I need to read my bible more often or maybe we didn’t lift our hands high enough in the air during worship. Maybe Jesus missed us and we just weren’t visible enough. Maybe we just have to try a little harder and be a bit more perfect. Maybe than Jesus will notice us. Maybe then we will be good enough.
So when are we going to realize that we already are enough? When are we going to stop searching on the beach for more treasures than we need. When are we going to stop, stand still and enjoy the beautiful view ahead of us? When are we going to see what is already there?
When are we going to see the view of a Savior who loves us?
All you need to focus on in life is Jesus’ love for you. His love is all that matters. It is all you need. It is important to pray, read your bible and spend time with fellow believers but don’t lose track of the most important thing that you already have; the love of Jesus! Not a soul can take His love away from you. You get it for free and there is nothing that you need to do to earn it. The love of Jesus is free and available. We don’t have to search for it because it is already there. It will help us, guide and sustain us through everything in life. The love of jesus is enough and in His love, so are we!
I (the Apostle Paul) pleaded with the Lord three times to take it away from me, but he (Jesus) has told me, “My grace is all you need, because my power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most happily boast about my weaknesses, so that the Messiah’s power may rest on me. That is why I take such pleasure in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties for the Messiah’s sake, for when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12: 8 – 10.
The poem ‘My Father’s garden’ is based on a vision I had. I was 29 years old and one night, as I was laying in bed, I got a vision from God. In this vision I saw myself in a secluded place. The grass was greener than I have ever seen. Trees with green leaves were in a quarter of a circle and green bushes were standing in front of the trees. It was a sea of green.
In the centre was a long white (French garden set like) table. It was huge and could easily seat 12 people but there were only 3 chairs. One at the head, two on either side. I was sitting on one of the seats but not the one at the head! I was dressed in a white robe, one like Jesus always wears in pictures. My hair was dark brown and my eyes had this amber-brown color. My face was so white, as if I had a lightbulb in my head that was turned on. My face was literally glowing (read; giving light). I was so shocked by my beauty. And not just my beauty. I looked so happy. Happier than I have ever been on earth. I was filled with joy. The person I saw didn’t look half as much as I am today. I was so shocked by this perfection that I pushed the vision away.
Now I am truly sad that I stopped the vision. I would love to see it once more and take a closer look at myself. I saw myself through God’s eyes. God showed me what He sees. Around the same time God gave me the name; Batyah, which means ‘Daughter of God’. (I have talked about this story in a previous blog) When I woke up the next morning I wrote a poem about my experience. To me this poem is a treasure. A memory of something beautiful. It was God’s way of saying: “I love you and to Me, you are absolutely perfect. To Me you are my beloved little girl”.
My Father’s garden
Watching through a camera,
the lens provides a new picture.
A new world…an unknown place.
Where green trees make a secluded garden,
green bushes bring rest to the soul.
She dwells in green pastures.
Her home is peace,
She’s dressed in truth.
A white table provides three chairs,
One for her…she is already seated,
One for the Son….He will come,
One for the Father….He is already there.
Never leaving her side,
His angels keep her laughing,
For joy is the essence of the garden.
The lens provides a perfect world,
where all the cultures are united.
Peace is the law,
joy is life,
and love your greatest company.
Dressed in white, Her body is alight.
Her dark brown hair points out Her amber eyes.
I want to touch Her face….my face.
I want to braid Her hair…my hair.
I want to look like Her…but I’m looking at myself.
The lens shows a different view,
I am looking through the eyes of my Father,
A promise…a place…a Daughter.
My Father’s garden…my home.
Fear is a weird emotion. In one way fear protects us when we are in trouble. When danger is looming and our instinct sends signals to our mind. A signal warns us and we get this ominous feeling inside, we get afraid. Somehow we need this kind of fear to remain alert. But sometimes fear walks out of hands. We cannot shake it off anymore. This is the other side of fear. A fear that is in our way. It became our enemy that we are fighting against every single day.
Fear is a mechanism to protect us in times of danger but if we don’t control it, it can become our greatest enemy. An enemy so difficult to get rid off that we need the help of therapists and psychologists and even then it is unclear whether we can ever truly overcome it.
But often the fear is not the greatest issue. The greatest issue with fear is the way our environment is dealing with it. If you are lucky, you have people around you who support you. Who cheer you on and help you with your anxiety. This is an ideal picture because in 80% of the cases it is the other way around. In so many of the cases people don’t understand. In their misunderstanding, they wonder why you just cannot get over it. Why you simply cannot ignore it. Why you are making such a problem of something that isn’t even scary or true. They get annoyed with you. Tired of all the times you bring it up again, as if it really is a personal choice. Often the people who should support us most, are our worst enemies, if it comes up to fear. Not because they want to be, or are, but because they don’t understand!
‘Just because you are not afraid, doesn’t mean somebody else cannot be’.
For people who live with anxiety and fear, compassion and kindness is more than welcome. People who live in fear never made the choice to live this way. Things happened in life that hurt them so much. All there is left is fear.
Let me tell you about my personal situation. I have been diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder, in short it means that I have multiple fears at multiple places in my life. Growing up, I never had teachers who believed in me, in fact teachers saw me as a dumb girl and in my last class before going to middle (or High) school, they literally told me and my parents this. At home I was overprotected. My parents meant well but it had negative consequences for the future. I never had true friends. I was bullied. Even grown ups, who I was supposed to trust, turned against me. I have been through a lot. To deal with all of this and to improve myself, I have done 2 assertivity trainings, 1 anxiety course, I have had 3 psychologist and 1 therapist. Trust me, I have done my fair share of work to get rid of the fear. And still the fear is inside of me. Not because I choose to but because therapies either didn’t work or because they had a really bad effect on me. Life can be brutal to all of us, but sometimes we find ourselves in a place where letting go of the past isn’t as simple as it sounds.
And even now I have to say that the fear itself has never been my greatest hurt. My greatest hurt has been the way people deal with it. As a teenager I was very insecure. I was a wall-flower, a little grey mouse desperately trying to make herself invisible. It happened so often that, instead of supporting me, people took advantage of me by making fun of me. The times I have been made fun of, or laughed at, I cannot count them anymore. At home I was in a safe environment, where my parents, brothers and sisters-in-law definitely tried to help me, but out there in the world, I was an easy victim. Internship supervisors, grown ups who should know better, made fun of me and even bullied me. I was only 16-19 years old and I didn’t have the tools to stand up for myself as I have them right now. But it created a deep infectuous wound in my soul that I am still trying to mend.
All I ever needed was love, compassion and a helping hand but all I received was indifference. It is the very reason why I am writing this blog today. I want to make a plea to the world. Don’t hurt people with fear. Try to understand that some of us have a problem that we didn’t create and cannot overcome.
‘Instead of ridiculing people with fear, we should lend a helping hand’!
We cannot take the fear away. We cannot make the insecurity less, but we can be friendly. A smile is one of the easiest ways to make a person feel comfortable. A smile is a kiss of love that your heart gives to a stranger!
Greeting someone is not that difficult and can make such a difference. Simply saying ‘Hello’ to someone, even when we don’t like them, can make someone feel welcome and wanted. A feeling this person maybe never felt. People always feel that in order to make a difference in the world, they have to do missionary work in Afrika or Asia. But the greatest difference you can make is right where you are.
Love, kindness and compassion are not that difficult, it just takes a willing heart!
If you read this blog, can I challenge you to be a little kinder to shy, insecure people and to people who are dealing with fear? Can I challenge you be kind to them and to help them? Can I challenge you to stop making fun of people? Trust me, with a little bit of kindness you can make such a big difference in a person’s life!
My kindness came from my last internship supervisor. A lady who went out of her way to give me a little bit of strength. After all of the unkind, and sometimes even mean, supervisors, she was a breath of fresh air. She taught me to stop seeing myself as a failure. She taught me perseverance. Don’t give up when you make a mistake but try again until you can do it. She made me feel one of a team, something I hadn’t felt…ever! She made a difference. A difference I will never forget!
I love you!
If my spirit is attached to you,
with one single thread,
If my eyes cry tears,
for those I never met,
If my eyes long to see you,
if it were only once,
then the covenant still stands,
our hearts remain as one!
If the smell of spices touches me,
a taste that only you can blend,
If pomegranates tell stories,
that only I can understand,
If music is a heartbeat,
only beating your drum,
then our love is like a bride,
waiting for the groom to come!
On the balcony of dreams,
I am always looking out for you,
for none could ever love me more,
then only you can do.
I love you!
Today I really want to share this poem with you. A couple of years back, I asked God the Father in prayer how He really felt about me. I asked Him to be completely honest! I didn’t just want Him to share with me all the good but also (and especially) all the bad parts about me. I really wanted Him to be as honest as He could possibly be. A short while after I prayed this, God the Father quoted this poem to me. A special poem that surprised me and filled me with love. The reason I am sharing this poem with you is because I know that God loves you so much. I hope this poem will show you just that! God loves you and in His loving Father-heart, He sees you, He loves you and He cherishes you. You are so worthful to Him. You are so precious that He gave up His only Son just so He could have a connection with you! God loves you! And that is the most important message ever!
In My Father-heart I see you
A spirited energy flows within you,
a willpower to succeed in your mission,
but the flesh is weak where the mind is willing.
How long will you fight for Me this endless battle?
My heart aches when I look at you,
and My mind slips back to who you once were.
Heart of My heart, filled with My light,
I still hear your laughter fill the heavens with joy.
Quick little girl – prettier than the stars – you are,
your eyes sparkled with delight and peace.
I still see you sit on My lap eager to learn,
your wisdom excelled in your trust,
but you were oblivious to it.
The joy in your eyes when your Brother was near,
made my Father heart beat faster, overflowing with love.
Your love for Him grew with each shared moment,
inseparable you were with Him wherever he went.
How could I have ever punished you in your mistakes,
when all you wanted was to innocently brighten the room?
How could I ever show My tears to you today,
when I feel the pain of your struggles in My own heart?
My dearly beloved daughter it would hurt you too much.
So I keep them in the shadows for all I want is your joy,
your unexplainable delight spread like sunbeams across the world.
Let them see how much you love Me.
Always shy yet protective like a warrior,
My honor means more to you than your life,
you’d give it up in a heart-beat, if I would ask you to.
But remember – my child – the day your brother Yeshua died,
My heart breaks at the thought of having to give you up also.
So give your joy for My tears and your love for Mine.
When I look at you, past and present collide,
fusing with the future I have in store for you.
My plan is unshakable, unmovable like a mountain.
That little girl from long before the world began,
still lives deep inside your soul, hidden for the world.
Let her come out and play once again so the heavens rejoice,
and the world will see My light in you.
In my Father-heart I see you.