Lavender dreams

Lavender dreams

Soft silky hues,
transmit my soul into a dream world,
of sweet lavender aromas,
and honey tasting kisses.
I live inside Your soul,
where cinnamon fragrances,
make me feel home.

I taste the vanilla on my lips,
and I breathe in the air of soft roses.
Arms like strong walls form a fortress –
safe is Your heart that protects me.
I live inside Your soul,
where Your warm embrace,
is a token of Your undying love.

Sweet is this lavender dream,
under the willow tree,
where words born in Your pure heart,
stream from Your sweet lips,
penetrating my soul with love.
You sweep me into Your soul,
where I dream a million more dreams,
in this beautiful eternal world.

Lavenderdreams

 

 

Miracles in midst of grieve

How do I speak, when the words get stuck in my heart? It has been 11 months since my mother passed away. I have told you about how much pain it has caused me, but I have remained silent about the miracles God did for me surrounding my mother’s death.

I don’t know where to start really. The pain is still intense. I have moments where I feel as if I can handle it, but I also have moments where I silently wish her to come back. I miss my best friend, I miss our conversations, I miss her love and her hugs, I literally miss everything about her!

But that is not the reason why I wanted to write this blog. When my mother passed away some amazing things happened. I rarely talk about it but at some point, I have too and there is no better time than the present.

Before my mother passed away, or even became sick, death was a very scary thing for me. When I was a teenager, I had some traumatic experiences during my grandparents’ deaths. I was always somewhat forced to watch them in their coffin, even when I didn’t want to. It caused me to get nightmares and ever since I haven’t been able to see someone who is diseased. When I was still working in retirement homes, years ago, I had to, but it always came with a huge amount of fear. So, when my mother heard she got cancer and not more than 4 months to live, I already started to panic. I live with my parents and my mother really wanted to stay at home until the funeral. For months I told everyone that I didn’t want to see her after she passed. I didn’t even want to be around the coffin, I was so scared. The miracle happened, the moment my mother passed away. God took all my fear away from me in the blink of an eye. Without thinking I walked over to her, touched her head and said goodbye. My brother and my dad were stunned. The girl who was so scared, did the unthinkable. God gave me the strength to say goodbye to my mom, before and, after she passed away. It was the first miracle.

But the miracles kept coming. Not only did I touch her after she passed. I also was able to see her in her coffin and to be at home until the funeral. All the fear I had built up throughout my life was gone. I was no longer afraid of death. God healed the trauma from my youth exactly at the right moment. But that’s not all.

I had prayed to God before my mother’s funeral, if God wanted to help me not to cry. I know it sounds a bit weird maybe, but I wanted to experience every part of the funeral. I didn’t want a single moment to be a blur. I wanted to know who came, what songs we sang, the words that were said, everything. On the day of the funeral I only cried twice. When mom was carried out of the house and when her body was in the ground and we said our last goodbye. In between I didn’t shed one single tear. God had answered my prayer. He had allowed me to experience everything and it was beautiful. Exactly the way my mother would have wanted it to be. At some point my sister-in-law asked me why I didn’t have to cry, since everybody else was, but I simply couldn’t. God had taken all my tears for that day as an answer to my prayer. But that’s not all. There is one more miracle.

After my mother’s funeral, for two months, I kept getting a vision. Every time I felt like breaking down, God gave me one vision. It was always the same one. I saw a house. The house was made of a white, glass like material I have never seen here on earth. It was a big farm-villa-mansion type house. The material looked exactly like the building in the painting ‘Supreme Sanctuary’ by Akiane Kramarik. But this house looked different. The setting was also very different. The house was at the edge of a forest. A small white fence was around the plot. It had green grass and against the house were rose bushes with roses that were bigger than I had ever seen. The roses where red, my mother’s favorite color! Every time I saw this vision, I heard Jesus say, “Do you remember that prayer you prayed when your mother was sick? The one in which you asked me to give her a special place in heaven because she was such a good mother to you? Well, this is it. This is where she is now. She is with me and she is safe. I will take good care of her”. The vision and the words gave me so much comfort that my tears instantly disappeared. It took the edge of my pain. I will Always be thankful to Jesus for the way He helped me in my deepest grieve. He really went out of His way to help me and to comfort me.

Jesus performed miracles when I needed Him most. He didn’t heal my mother like I wanted to and yes that made me angry. But He did help me through the pain. This is the reason why I wanted to share this story of mine. I want you to know that even though Jesus may not answer your prayer, He will help you through the pain. Jesus doesn’t leave you nor forsake you. Jesus is there in your deepest darkest hours, holding you in His arms, wiping your tears away. Jesus loves you, even when He cannot answer your prayer the way that you want Him to. You’re are safe in His presence and He loves you more than you could ever possibly know. Always remember that!

The View

The View

 Lost is the sheep who wanders off.
Close to the shepherd it finds safety.
His voice carries a familiar tone,
recognizable is the sound of love.
A gentle heart calls the wicked,
and willingly they change their course.

The heart longs for his sheep,
like a dry mouth longs for water,
without them he cannot survive.
His alacrity to keep them safe is immense,
the sacrifice his own free choice.

I am an observer in an open field,
and my curiosity exceeds my concerns.
Distance allows an open-minded view,
when discomfort rules a broken heart.
On which side do I belong, I wonder?

The ability to make a selfless choice,
forces the heart to lose sight of itself.
The willingness to embrace your identity,
forces the heart to let go of its thoughts.
To be is a joy to the longing soul,
a gratitude to its Maker.

 Understanding nurtures knowledge,
wisdom is a blossom to the heart.
In an open field I am the observer,
watching this ever-gentle display.
The icicles melt in the sunshine,
in the view of the cherry blossoms.

The View

 “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand.”
John 10: 27-28

 

 

 

 

 

There is no partiality with God!

Last night I was reading Romans 2. When I got to the eleventh verse, I felt so touched

‘For there is no partiality with God’.

You may know by now that my life was far from easy. I have never really spoken about what happened because I don’t want to hurt the people that hurt me. This may sound weird, but it is something that God taught me. One day, a couple of years ago, I wanted to write my story down for all the wrong reasons. I wanted others to feel a grain of the pain I felt all those years. But God said to me, “Gineke, there are those that hurt you because they really wanted to but there are also those that hurt you because they got hurt first. They hurt you out of their own brokenness. If you tell your story, you will hurt them all over again. Don’t take revenge”! That day I decided that my story would not be told. Or at least the names of the people who hurt me, nor how they are related to me (whether family, friends or aqcuaintances), would ever be told. But I will say this. I was yelled at, laughed at, excluded, rejected, ridiculed and hurt. The worst thing that was ever said to me was that I was worthless.

Because of my past I have several issues among which a generalized anxiety disorder and a negative self-image. It is something I have been battling for years. Especially when nothing in life seems to go to plan, I mentally punish myself even when it is not my fault. I am literally my own worst critic. When I have these depressive moods, it shows especially in my prayers. I ask God what is wrong with me and on rare days, I even ask God why He still loves me because He is better off without me. In my own view God could better replace for somebody else because everybody is better than me. This sounds worrisome but the past has left some ugly scars that hurt from time to time. I have had numerous therapists, including EMDR, but nothing worked so far. I have prayed countless prayers for myself but none of them were answered.

So, when I read that verse last night, it felt like lightning on a blue sunny day. Too many people have rejected me and because of that I Always feel as if everybody else is Always better than me. I am never good enough. But don’t we all feel this way? Don’t we all feel either better or worse than somebody else? Whether it is in religion of our jobs, our family our character, we feel better or worse than others. But God does not!!!

God looks at us without judgement. He loves us all equally, regardless of who we are, what we have done or what we look like. Like God told Samuel in 1 Samuel 16:7,

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Samuel was at the house of Jesse to anoint the new King. When Jesse sons were presented, Samuel judged them the way he saw them. One look strong, the other intelligent and another handsome. But God reminded Samuel that the heart is more important that the outward appearance. God had chosen David. A young shepherd boy. The one who looked least like a future King.

For us it works the same way. We look at other the way we see them. We put them on a pedestal and praise them for their beauty, outstanding work, amount of charity, their ministry, their prayer life etc. But God reminds us that this is all just outward appearance. None of us is better than the other. People may look almost perfect, but they have issues that we know nothing about. They are not better than us, but they are just like us.  Isn’t that beautiful? Instead of punishing ourselves for not being good enough we may remind ourselves that God loves us so much and with God there is no partiality. In God’s eyes we are beautiful, unique, created by Him and dearly loved by Him.

So, the next time when I feel down. The next time when my past reminds me that I am never good enough. I only must remind myself that with God there is no partiality. God loves me and that’s the truth.

God loves you and accepts you the way you are, even when you find it hard to accept yourself. Do you believe that?

If you need prayer, maybe because you have a negative self-image as well or because you feel hurt, let me know. You can do this via a contact form (this way I get an email and it is all private) or you may write it below this message. You are not alone! You are loved by Jesus!

Romans 2 11

Jesus’ Final Prayer

Jesus’ Final Prayer

Landslides tear my heart in two.
Silently I wait for the tsunami,
to flood my burning heart,
until peace has redeemed it from its pain.

My voice is numbed by the many prayers,
spoken with perseverance and repetition.
But I feel as if Your deaf ears have denied,
my heartfelt request that is always present.

Tears are an undeniable consequence,
to a rejected heart, silenced by fear.
When prayers are left unanswered,
the desert will slowly kill me in my grief.

Where are You, oh Mighty Creator?
Why have You forsaken me?
This cup, too full to drink,
is shaking at my quivering lips.

Now that I have spoken my final prayer,
my final breath escapes my painful lungs,
and in the silent darkness I am fully aware,
I have overcome the greatest test.

Jesus knows how you feel inside. He has been where you are now! In the garden of Gethsemane Jesus prayed to His Father, “Oh My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will”. (Matthew 26:39) Jesus was so afraid of what was coming His way, the suffering and crucifixion, that He sweated drops of blood. An angel had to come to give Him strength, but God didn’t answer His prayer. In fact, God remained silent. Jesus had to suffer for our sins despite His deep fear.

Then on the cross, Jesus prayed His final prayer to His Father by saying, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani”? Which is translated, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me”? (Mark 15:34). Jesus felt abandoned, just like me and you. We all feel abandoned by God at times, especially when we desperately need Him to act. When our loved ones are dying, when we suffer from health issues or when we are plagued by financial struggles. When we pray, we want God to answer and when He doesn’t, we feel alone, abandoned, afraid and angry. These are all human feelings that Jesus felt too. He knows how you feel, so when you go through a season of hardship and you are left with so many questions. When you are crying out to God for help but the answered hasn’t come yet, remember that Jesus knows how you feel because He felt the same.

Jesus loves you so much. He holds you in His arms and tells you, “I know how you feel, just lean on me, I will help you because I love you more than you can ever comprehend”.

God is Love

God is Love

Love’s divine kiss,
has chosen you,
as the receiver,
to be its guardian.

Protected love has the ability,
to shower blessings of rain,
into a desert of drought,
making flowers grow,
out of nothing.

Love as the most powerful weapon,
is the foundation for many fruit,
for its soil is rich in Jesus,
and its strength flows from the Holy Spirit,
guiding you as your main messenger.

Love holds you close to His heart,
keeping you as a valuable treasure.
The look of love melts every eye,
overwhelms every soul with joy.

Love is the creator of possibilities,
an outstanding perseverance of strength,
with wings that never grow tired,
and a soul that never becomes weak.

God is love,
holding you,
in the palm of His hands,
where He whispers to your soul,
how much He loves you!

God is Love

 

 

Build your identity with Jesus

Your identity is like a house. A house that is being built over many years. It works like this;

Your identity is who you are. The foundation, the root or essence of who you are, is a child of God. You are first and foremost a child of God. That is your foundation. Everything else are bricks. With everything else I mean; you are a wife/husband, mother/father, sister/brother, aunt/uncle, niece/nephew, friend, member of a church, teacher, athlete, lawyer, painter, music lover, nature lover, reader, volunteer and so on. Everything that you believe you are. All of those things are bricks.

Jesus is the one who hands you these bricks. Everything that you have and that you are is given to you by Jesus. It is up to you to accept it! It all depends on how much you trust Jesus. He has your best interest at heart but do you believe that?  Do you believe that Jesus wants to make you strong, beautiful, happy and loved? When you do, your house – your identity –  will be rock-solid!

Your whole life is used to build this house, this identity. Every day of your life, you keep collecting, accepting and denying new bricks. Sometimes a piece of wall will fall apart because you denied a brick you really needed and you have to start all over again. But if you trust Jesus, if you accept what He gives you, He will help you to build a good and steady house!

Your house is finished when you die. Until you die, you keep adding bricks, a pieces, to your identity. The moment you die however, Jesus puts the final touches to your house. He makes it even more beautiful than it already is and more beautiful than you could ever imagine! So when you enter the gates of Heaven, your brand-new house is waiting for you, where you will live in for all eternity.

What you do today matters! Who you decide to be today matters! Trust Jesus in everything for He never makes mistakes. He knows you, loves you and has your best interest at heart! His love will make you brand-new!

Build your identity with Jesus

“Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock”. (Matthew 7: 24-25)

The brightest light

The Brightest Light

The batteries of my flashlight are empty,
and the wood is too wet to make a fire.
The dry ground became muddy from the rain.
The slippery roads don’t hold my feet.
As the darkness is closing in, I shout,
“Can you hear me?
Can you help me?
Please, safe me”!
With a panic-stricken heart, I try to focus.
“Don’t panic”, I say, “God-child don’t lose your calmth”.
As I bring back the beatings of my heart to a normal pace,
I use my knowledge as my most powerful weapon.
And in the dark silent mud I whisper, “Love”.

The more I whisper the one word I know,
darkness retreats,
driven away by a beam of light.
Following the light to find its source,
the light has made a home in my heart,
where my deeds create the greatest beams,
and my thoughts drive away any kind of evil.

The Voice of Love and Light speaks to me,
“My child, in order to find the light in the darkness,
you only need to look inside your heart,
where I am.
Always present, giving strength, sharing wisdom.
Knowledge is your torch in the darkness,
your heart is the calmth in the rushing storm,
but love is your most powerful weapon,
for love is the brightest light that I can give you”.

The brightest light

 “This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you”.
(John 15:12, the Holy Bible)

Humility is the fruit of love

Yesterday Jesus gave me these words/this poem. He asked me to share it with you today. Enjoy!

Humility is the fruit of Love

In endless spheres,
I am the Highest.
In a universe with many worlds,
only I am Truth.

My love covered the oceans,
My heart filled the entire earth.
Everything that lives,
I have created.
Everything that breathes,
is filled from My own lungs.

To put yourself above another,
is towering over My creation,
that you will never own.

Who has given life but Me?
Who has taken life but Me?
The only one who possesses life,
is the Only One who has conquered it.
So who is greater than life but Me?

You have thought,
that you could own the earth,
and now you try,
to take over the entire universe –
unsuccessful are your plans without love!

Unnoticed are the real problems in this world.
The hungry die of starvation,
the lonely die a lonely death,
but you have never noticed them,
you have never changed your plans.

Selfishness cannot heal a wounded soul,
nor feed the hungry in their need.
Selfishness establishes nothing,
whereas love can move every mountain.

Do not place yourself above Me!
Do not think yourself higher,
than anybody else.
Humility is the fruit of the Spirit.
Humility is the fruit of Love.

Humility is the fruit of love

Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
Philippians 2:1-4 

Firefly

Firefly,

Like a firefly I follow light,
to catch it with my heart,
I keep it safe and hold it tight,
so we will never be apart.

Like a firefly I hold the light,
to share it with the earth,
so day will never turn to night,
and light will give the living mirth.

Like a firefly I spread the light,
for every soul to see,
the Origin that makes it bright,
the Holy One that set me free.