Between my fingertips

The poem I would like to share with you today is one very close to my heart. This poem is about the night I met Jesus in a dream. You know, I often work with God the Father, so those rare moments when Jesus communicates with me, are very special to me. I don’t know why I communicate more with the Father and the Holy Spirit but I am confident in the bond Jesus and I have, so I don’t really mind. But it fills my heart with pure joy when Jesus comes to me to have a chat or to show me something!

This night was one of those rare night I saw Him. In my dream I saw Jesus standing at a distance from me. It was just the two of us, there was nobody else there. So I thought by myself, why are you always at such a distance? (Yes there was a short period of time where it actually bugged me, but this dream changed all that!) Suddenly Jesus was gone and I panicked just a little. I panicked because it wasn’t my intention to push Him away, all I wanted was for Him to come closer! Then I felt a presence behind me and there He was. He came from behind me and walked to my side. Now He was actually standing right next to me. Our eyes locked. He stroke my head with His hand and the love I felt in that moment overwhelmed me. His love also ensured me that even though He is not always this close to my side, His love never changes! He will always love me and I will always have a place in His heart. It really felt as if He takes a polite distance to give the Father space to work with me. Nothing more, nothing less. And I really needed to know that. I needed to know that even though I do not always feel His presence, He still loves me anyway.

As I was looking into His eyes and He into mine, I desperately wanted to say something. But I could not find the words and neither did He. What happened next still kind of surprises me sometimes. For some weird reason I looked at His robe and thought, that must be so uncomfortable. For His robe looked like itchy wool. Then I reached out my hand and touched His robe. I took His robe between my fingertips and rubbed it very gently. I can tell you that I was very surprised by the softness of it. It felt very comfortable actually.

When I looked up again, into His eyes, I read a touch of worry in His eyes. He was worried about me and His worry reminded me of the worry my brothers sometimes have when they look at me. Looking back I understand His worry but at that particular moment it confused me. When I was fourteen years old and God the Father spoke to me in a dream, the Father told me that my coming future would be a difficult one. I believe that Jesus was very well aware, that I wasn’t out of the woods yet. I think it worried Him that I still had battles to fight. Why? Because He loves and cares about me. I matter to Him. And it is exactly that love of Jesus that fills me with joy, love and peace.

When I woke up, I wrote a poem about this dream. The reason I want to share the poem and the dream with you is, because Jesus loves you too! So much more than you are aware of. I see it as my duty to direct people towards the love of Jesus. To make them aware of the overwhelming love Jesus has in His heart for mankind. Words cannot explain His love for you and still I try to bring it to people through my poetry. Always remember that Jesus loves you. Open your heart and let Him in because He is more than worth it. I hope you like the poem. I hope it fills your heart with love, joy and peace in Jesus name.

Between my fingertips

I still feel the soft fabric,
gently between my fingertips.
Your eyes are imprinted in my soul,
how can I ever forget Your gentleness?
Not a word has to be spoken,
our minds are one.
And as the Spirit draws us closer together,
our bond is still the same,
Between You and me,
nothing has changed.

Your brother love exceeds,
it is a heart without boundaries.
Never will Your anger rain down on me,
or felt in any chamber of Your heart.
Your teachings are my guidelines,
wisdom is planted in my mind,
where it grows out of love for You.
I walk the roads of this world alone,
but in heaven I look out for You.
More are You to me than a Savior,
more than all the Kings of the earth,
more than all my brothers combined.

I still feel the soft fabric,
gently between my fingertips.
Your brotherly worries unspoken,
Your love speaks louder than any word could.
Not a soul knows our connection,
or the bloodline that keeps us attached.
The memories hold my heart,
when the distance becomes an obstacle.
All I need to know,
when my soul returns home,
that the fabric of Your robe,
is still between my fingertips.

 

Daisies in my hair

Daisies in my hair

The needles in a pincushion,
are like a rainbow confetti at a party,
but I need to learn to walk on burning coals.

Happiness has faded into the background,
yet still the sun rises through the window,
setting in a tickling morning glory.
I need to learn to walk between the hedgehogs.

Like a child dancing in the summer rain,
I need to learn to dance the tango,
on a stage where they only dance ballet.

Mirrors seek only a self-approval,
so I need to learn to break the frame.

On a construction site I cannot see the beauty,
I can only see the foundation in the ground.
Brick by brick a castle arises from the dirt,
and it teaches me to pray for patience.

Where the life of a monk teaches to be silent,
the life of a guard teaches to be brave,
but all I need to learn is to have faith.

Breaking the mirrors during the dance,
the red kite dances on the wind of faith,
where hedgehogs surround me in my sight.
And in the rising of the morning sun,
I discover daisies growing in my hair.

daisy

A letter from God the Father

Yesterday and today God the Father has given me a letter in poetry. Normally I don’t post these kind of poems/pieces because it is very personal. Today however I made the decision to share a recent one with you. I made this decision because I am fully aware that, what God the Father shared with me, can help many others as well. There are many people with hurt, grieve, questions and pain searching for comfort and love. And God the Father, through His Son Jesus Christ, can give you just that. I am merely the vessel, a messenger that wants to share God’s love with the world, the only way I know how…writing. In particular poetry.
I hope these words will help you, comfort you and surround you with God’s everlasting love. I pray they will strengthen you and bring peace.

A letter from your Father

Your heart is broken.
Like a porcelain cup,
your soul lays shattered,
on the marble floor,
of a palace that was once,
your home.

Like a child in the arms of his mother,
I want to take you in Mine,
rocking you to sleep in My love,
for your tears are hurting Me!

Have I gone too far, I wonder?
Has your image blurred in My sight?

Your thoughts are unanswered questions –
pieces of an incomplete puzzle.
Longing for the full picture,
you fire arrows at Me,
to confiscate the truth.

Unhurt is the heart of an unaware soul,
but safety will not protect you from sorrows.
In the stillness of My heart I cry for you,
counting the days until I can bring you back home.

In this maze we are running towards each other,
and with open arms I will catch you in your flight.

Do not try to find the answers My child,
but let the answers find its way to you.
Do not be sad My child,
for how can I forget My own heart?
The pain inflicted on you,
could never rob you out of My arms!

I hold you tight in the storm,
and tell you for once and for all,
that I will never let you go!

The world may be a stranger to you,
unaware of the beauty of your soul.
Darling, they don’t know you like I do!

Remember that love cannot be forced,
it can only be found in unexpected places.
Embrace the places of love,
and let go of the indifference towards you.

Open the door of your heart,
so love and light can find its way in.
Grieve is a temporary companion,
that you have hold on to for too long.
Allow Me to take its place instead.
Let Me take the pain,
to exchange it for My love.

The world cannot change who you are,
so do not fear their judgement.
Find peace in who I made you to be –
in the love I carry in My heart.

Spread your wings and fly, My child,
and find shelter in the shadows of My own wings.

My love for you is unexplainable in words,
uncountable like the stars in the universe.
Live out of My love,
let it be the food you eat,
and the air you breath,
for it is there where you will find your peace.

My child, I could go on an infinity longer,
but let this be enough.
Let this letter be the fuel to your heart,
where you will never give up.
Keep on writing for Me, My dearest child,
for the world has you for a reason.
Never lose sight of your purpose,
and live your life with love.

Always and forever,
I AM,
your Father.

The creation of the planets

The creation of the planets

When Your heart lights up,
and Your Spirit is released,
passion burns within You.
The crackling flames,
able to destroy,
everything on its path,
is controlled by the love,
blazing in Your eyes.

Where water flows,
restlessness sets in,
and life becomes a vortex.
But in Your hands,
water is salvation,
an oasis for the thirsty.
Flowing from Your throne,
water is a pool of love,
the calmth amidst the storm.

The earth in Your hands,
becomes Your masterpiece,
evolved from Your imagination.
As Your hands work,
without spilling a single grain,
water turns it into clay,
and fire into brimstone.
But earth itself is calmth,
a peaceful place to walk on.

Now the wind blows,
where the Spirit speaks,
causing change and renewal.
The wind without a leader,
is a vicious tornado,
ready to destroy.
But in Your hands,
wind becomes a helper,
a part of Your holy plan.

My eyes witness,
the interconnection,
of the four elements in Your hands.
Combined with Your own Light,
it lives, floats and turns,
into balls of different sizes.
And when my fingers,
gently push one into the cosmos,
I know that You showed me,
the creation of the planets.

(This poem is based on a vision I received from God)

Born to write!

Every word

Effortless are the words, I write.
Like oxygen that bubbles to the surface,
ready to be released to the world,
Your words are nestled in my heart,
like young birds ready to fly out.

Closing my eyes, I listen.
I hear Your voice in the wind,
in the birds in the air,
in the many faces I connect with.
I listen to Your voice,
wherever I go.

My pen is my only companion.
Without paper I cannot leave the house.
I write with my heart.
I write from the soul.
The words from You, Father,
have become my own.

Poem after poem,
letter after letter,
word after word.
I connect with You.
I learn from You.
I remember You.

Effortless are the words, I write.
The oxygen that fills my heart,
bursts out into the world.
The power is not my own,
I cannot take credit for the words.
All I can do is write them down.

I breathe Your words,
and with love I release it like a dove,
into a world who needs You.

Let Your words touch the hearts,
open the hearts for Your love,
pour out Your generous mercy,
so Your light will attract the faces,
of all of Your children.

Father, I am Your daughter,
seeking Your children.
And for every heart I find,
I write,
every word.

With this poem I wanted to explain what writing means to me. I was born to write in every sense of the word. Even though I didn’t like writing as a child, I was called to write by Jesus, at the age of five! I guess Jesus knows me a lot better than I know myself.

Today I cannot imagine my life without writing. Even if I could never release my poetry book, I would still write. I would still hope for a miracle. For a way for people to read it. All I ever wanted was to touch people’s hearts with the words God gave me. I know that getting dreams and visions is a great privilege! Because of that privilege I want to share with people what God shows me. What God shows me can help others too! That I know for a fact. I just want people to understand God’s love! That is why I write. Regardless of what happens to me in my life, I need to write. This blog is such a blessing to me. It is a beautiful way to share a small part of what I wrote with the world! And for that I am grateful!

Thank you so much for reading my blog! It means a lot to me! Thank you!

 

Dealing with the negative side of life

Do you remember my blog posts, ‘How I deal with anxiety and stress’ & ‘Optimism is the key to a happy life’? Well so do I! I am an optimistic fighter by nature because I always feel that with a little bit of work and patience, negative feelings go away by itself. In the last few weeks however I came to an unexpected question. What if it doesn’t? What if all my wisdom fades away in a thick mist and nothing I ever learned helps me anymore? What then? In the last few weeks I hated to admit it to myself that I was stuck. I could not deal with it anymore. Not on my own. The stress and anxiety had taken control over me and everything I tried remained futile. On top of it all I developed a sinus infection, and due to the amount of stress I unconsciously kept tightening my jaw muscles, which are now probably overburdened as well. In short I am dealing with a large amount of fear, stress and pain.

Even though this was all taking place, my eyes were opened to something important. The fact that optimism leads to happiness is still something I highly support. But what if it isn’t that easy? What if it isn’t that easy to shake it all off. On social media I read a lot of quotes from public speakers (mainly christians) that if you just believe in God enough, fear will never be able to reach you. If you believe enough God will protect you and fear will not be a part of your life. The sentence, just be happy, was used a little to easy for my liking. In ways it even upset me! I live very closely to God and I still have a fair share of stress and fear to deal with. Does this mean that God doesn’t love me? Does this mean that I am not a true child of God because otherwise I would not be feeling this way? Or maybe God just has something against me and doesn’t want me! Or a last answer could be that I simply don’t have the Holy Spirit inside of me. Well in my opinion this is just nonsense! I have to believe in that otherwise I lose the only rock I still stand on.

God is a God of love! He does not hurt people. He does not punish people. I refuse to believe in an evil God that simply doesn’t like me. Jesus loves me and that is a fact! My stress and fear are not an example of God’s absence, on the contrary, I start to believe it is the proof of His presence. I may not see it or feel it right now but when I look back later on in life, I most certainly will. I believe that God can heal me with one word, and I still fervently hope that He will! But what if God allows me to experience this frantic panic, deep-rooted fear and overwhelming stress to teach me something. If God would heal me overnight, would that teach me something? Or would that be an easy way out? Something inside of me tells me that it would.

Last week I started therapy again. In a little while I will get EMDR treatment to help me get rid of the fear. After three psychologists, two assertivity treatments and one anxiety course at an earlier age, this is my last resort. My last resort to break free from whatever fear is holding me in its grip. It may sound drastic but I have lived with fear my entire life. I cannot remember a moment in my life where I wasn’t afraid. And through all that fear God showed me so many dreams and visions! He was with me every step of the way. He is still with me today, nudging me forward. God loves me, fear and all! In fact He loves me so much that He does not want a quick-fix. In fact He loves me so much, that He wants me to go through this fear because only then, I can come out stronger on the other end.

My therapist said it so beautifully, “Fear is the greatest suffering a human being can go through”. She is right. Out of everything I experienced it is the fear that was the worst. Fear leads to so many things. It leads to physical, emotional and mental health issues which are triggered by stress. And stress comes from fear. At the moment I am stuck in a depression. One moment is better than the other. One moment I cry the other I laugh. My emotions are like a swing set rocking back and forward. But with God’s help, going through treatment yet another time, I will be healed. Maybe not overnight but in time I will. If God taught me one thing it is this; good things come with patience. If you want a long effect, you will have to put some time and effort in it. Only with patience and effort, I will come out stronger on the other end.

When depression strikes it is not the end of the world. When depression strikes it is not the end of a book but merely the beginning of a whole new chapter. When you are going through anxiety, stress or depression, just like me, let me tell you that God is with you. You are not carrying this burden alone. God didn’t stop loving you somewhere down the road, even if that is how you feel right now. Keep holding on to God’s love. Keep praying, keep fighting and keep moving forward. You will come out of this and much stronger than you were before. Don’t give up and if you need prayer, send me a message through the contact section on this blog. You are not alone! I guarantee it! God is with you!

A poem about truth

One morning, a couple of years ago, as I was sitting in the silence of the morning, I felt a deep desire to get my notebook and write. I felt the Spirit of God dance inside my heart as I wrote the following poem.

Truth is Freedom

Questions ask Questions,
through the answers multiplied.
Answers calm the soul,
but only for a little while.
The answers we want to hear,
lead us walking in circles,
endlessly.

Where the truth shines his light,
human eyes are blinded by its brightness,
but if we dare to open our heart,
the truth will set us free.

Truth answers questions.
Peace calms the soul.
The two are undeniably connected,
for truth and peace give acceptance,
and broken circles give a narrow road,
until we learn how to walk in truth.

Questions ask questions.
Answers question itself.
But the truth is a rock,
steadfast and unshakable,
where we can lean on in times of trial.
The truth is the Light that sets our mind free.
Eternal freedom that sets us in the Light.

Truth is freedom for the soul!

The last few days I was reminded by this poem. As if a voice whispered the title into my heart and soul. If we learn to walk in the truth, we will find the freedom that we long for.
But what if the truth is not what we wanted to hear? Are we still willing to walk the path of the truth, if the truth is not what we expected? I think that is a question that will ultimately answer itself. An answer that will lead us to the door of our heart, that will show us, what is really inside.

 

Dessert Journey

I know I should be writing a blog about the New Year. A change from one year into another. Leaving the old behind and something new coming. But I rather wanted to share the following poem.

At the moment I am reading the book Exodus (Holy Bible, I am reading the Old Testament at the moment) and I remembered writing this poem a couple of years back. The poem is about the journey of the Israelites through the desert. From the Red Sea to the Jordan river. For a long time I wanted to write a poem about that part of the bible but I struggled for a while to find the words. When the time was there God gave me the words that I needed and I wrote this poem.

In a way it is about leaving behind the old and the journey towards something new. In our life we may all leave an old life behind and journey towards a new and better life with God. It may not always be easy but the Land of Milk and Honey that is awaiting us at the end of our journey is more than worth it!   Enjoy!

 

Dessert journey.

The golden hills,
of yellow sand,
have turned the wilderness
into my home.
My bed is a tent,
and the scorching heat,
my blanket for the night.
I am walking the plains,
following a cloud,
by day and by night.

But my enemy became,
my greatest teacher,
he learns me to have faith,
and to trust my Creator.
For the Lord is greater,
than my enemy could ever be.
He brings me water to drink,
and food to eat,
to keep me standing,
on my journey.

My destination,
is in my heart,
overflowing,
with milk and honey.
My future is set,
my journey is endless.
Lessons to be learned,
rules to be remembered,
keep me going,
along the way.

The dessert is my home,
a land my destination,
I am traveling,
from oasis to oasis.
Dreaming of what is to come,
I am following,
the Almighty Savior,
all the days of my life,
to the end of the world,
across the golden hills.

 

Face to face with God

Many Christians and especially Christian Pastors are saying that a human being cannot see God and live. Last sunday in church I had to listen to these words once again. And even though I do not like to talk about it, I feel as if I have to. Because I saw God the Father face to face…and lived to tell the story!

Truly I tell you, I am not defending myself. All I want is to change people’s perspective a little. Because God is a God of love. He wants a personal relationship with people. That is why I am telling my story. Through this blog I am hand-delivering puzzle pieces of my life for you to put together. And whether or not you believe me, is entirely up to you.

It happened about two and a half years ago. As usual I was writing poetry when I received a vision from God. I saw myself walking at the hand of God the Father, Yahweh/Yahovah. We were walking across a path next to a forest and He was showing me things like birds and squirrels and such. As I was watching this I thought, Could I? In those two words I thought, Could I turn my head and see Him? Before I could finish my thought, in one bold move, I turned my head. To my own surprise I looked the Father straight in the eyes. I saw Him the way one would look at a photograph. He had white hair (platinum white, close to gold), a little like sheep wool and it went a little over His shoulder. His eyes stood out to me. His eyes were crystal blue and shimmering like the sun. His face had no wrinkles and yet I could see age in it. He looked young and old, both at the exact same time. His frame was thin maybe weak even. Yet at the same time, He looked stronger than anybody I had ever seen. Love was shining in His entire countenance. At the same time as love, I saw holiness and almightiness. He is literally all in one and one in all. And what surprised me most of all is that I could see a reflection of myself in His face. I saw the Almighty Creator of Heaven and Earth and at the same time…I saw my Father.

As the vision left me, I tried to write it down in poetry. But words can never truly define the Father. My words could and never will do Him justice!

Around the same time, perhaps a few months earlier, I ask God a question. As I have told you many times, I have been through a lot and I am still dealing with many things in my life. So I asked God one day, with all the honesty and sincerity in my heart, “Father, why did my life go the way it did? Why me? Why this way?” Immediately I heard God’s voice saying, “God’s daughter, daughter of God”. Even though I instantly understood what God was trying to say, I dropped the thought at once. Not me! Not I! But a couple of months later I had a vision where God showed me the way I look in Heaven. Again a couple of months later, as I was surfing the internet, I was looking up names and their meaning. I stumbled upon the name ‘Batyah’. The meaning of this name was, ‘God’s daughter, daughter of God. It didn’t hit me until exactly a year after I asked God my question. I am Batyah. It is a name/nickname that God has for me. It is the way He sees me! When He looks at me He sees His daughter. Not just any ordinary girl. What is very telling is that I have always considered myself a sinner saved by grace. I was a adopted into God’s family through the blood and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Nothing more nothing less. But here was God saying, “Yes you are, but you are also really my daughter. It got a complete new meaning for me. I wasn’t just one out of many. But for God I was His.

Like I said, I hardly ever talk about this. Probably more out of fear than out of humility. The fear of what people might say or think when I do talk about it. But I hope so much that telling my story will shift something inside your heart. I hope you will learn to see yourself as a true child of God. You are not just one out of many. For God you are His one and only. No accident but a carefully constructed plan by the Father Himself. He put all His effort, love and joy in creating you. You are truly loved. Don’t ever forget that!

May love guide your steps to eternal life!

The spring of hope. 

Today I took a walk. A small walk but one of contemplation and intense prayer. Which lead me to this small message that I want to share with you. A message of hope for those who desperately need it. 

In the winter nature may seem dead but the knowledge that spring is lingering underneath it all gives so much hope. The same goes for life. Life may seem difficult right now, but God has spring waiting for you right around the riverbend! 

Don’t lose hope in seemingly hopeless situations. The way out may be out of sight at the moment, but soon God will show you that spring was waiting for you all along.