About Gineke van Keulen

Christian Poet & Writer.

The Librarian

The Librarian

Scrolls with endless pages,
creates anticipation through joy.
Impatience is a patient companion,
in one breath I can see the universe,
the history and the future.

Libraries with books collect dust,
a library with scrolls collect wisdom,
that pours down like spring rain,
from the fountain of life-giving water,
where emptiness is an unfamiliar word.

Commas expect another story,
quotation marks read between the lines,
exclamation marks express significance,
but question marks are only questioning themselves.

Unnoticed is the fleeing doubt in wisdom,
Unseen are the misunderstandings in my sight,
for clarity is written in every scroll,
understood by even the smallest mind.

The key in my hand is held close to my heart,
I breathe in the unexplainable joy of light,
for this is the place where I belong,
this is the place where my soul becomes,
the librarian.

A Free Spirit

A Free Spirit

Like a firefly in a jar,
I feel caught in a web –
inescapable is a glass home.

Without holes in the lid,
oxygen escapes on the wind –
unbreathable is the toxic air.

The light slowly dims,
accompanied by my cries –
lost is the heart that has no hope.

Freedom comes from the one,
who knows how to love –
unbreakable is the string,
that connects one heart to the other.

You Lord understand my freedom,
You put the wind underneath my wings,
You understand the endless miles I fly,
to be one with the free spirit within.

Which wings do you have?

There is nothing more breakable than the wings of a butterfly. The slightest touch can break these little fragile wings. In life we often feel like these butterfly wings. We feel as if the least bit of hurt can break us. This state of anxiety does not necessarily have to be noticeably present, it often lingers underneath the surface. Of course we are aware that we can stand a little bit of hurt, as long as it is not too much.

We live our life, trying to avoid as much problems as possible. When problems occur we analyze them until we are certain that it wasn’t our fault. This way we keep ourselves up right, because we know that when it was our faults, our Wings may break. So as long as we keep ourselves out of the wind, we are fine.

Unfortunately life does not always agree with this.  Neither does our heart and mind by the way. The other day I released my poem ‘Mind Game’. Because that is what life really is. It is all a mind game. We trick our minds to feel well, even if our hearts disagree because we hope that somehow our hearts will catch up with it. Which it most often does! But how long can we trick ourselves this way? How long can we fool ourselves. ‘Mind Game’ was inspired by something Jesus told me. Having a generalized anxiety disorder is not easy and it often brings me in trouble. For a long time this mind game has worked out fine, until last year.

Losing my mom pulled me over the edge. I started to doubt myself immensely. To the point where I pleaded with God to help me out, and this is what I learned. Jesus said, “Tell yourself that I love you. I know your heart will not believe it now, because you are in so much pain, but in time your heart will catch up with your mind”. The love of Jesus is actually all we need. We don’t need to trick our minds by telling ourselves things that we don’t yet believe in, in the hope that one day the fearful or hateful thoughts about ourselves go away. All we need is the love of Jesus. It is all we need to set ourselves free. Regardless of what you have done in life (or failed to do), regardless of what you do and how good or bad you are at doing it, Jesus loves you, end of discussion.

We are trying so hard to be perfect, to look perfect and to be a certain way that we forget the love of Jesus so easily. Of course we fool ourselves that we don’t  but that is merely lying to ourselves. You see, Jesus could have said, “Honey, just tell yourself that you are not afraid, and one day your heart will catch up with your mind”. But that would not have fixed my anxiety disorder. Whether or not I will ever heal of this disorder is beside the point. The point is that it is easier for me to remain calm if I simply focus on the mere fact that Jesus loves me. I can prevent freaking out over petty little fears by knowing that Jesus loves me. The love of Jesus allows me to say, “It didn’t work out today, but maybe tomorrow it will”. The love of Jesus does not necessarily heal me, but it takes me a lot further than playing tricks on my mind does.

Sometimes it takes us to embrace our problems, so we can deal with them or overcome them. Fighting is not the solution, love is. You cannot control your life, problems, people around you or the world, but you can control your faith in the simple fact that Jesus loves you.

The beauty is also that as we focus on our fragile butterfly wings that can break so easily, God is focussing on our massive eagle wings instead. Mother Theresa said it so beautifully, “I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle, I just wish He didn’t trust me so much”. God has an entirely different view on us as we do. Where we see problems, God see solutions, Where we see ugly, God sees beauty, where we see hate, God finds love in the midst of all evil. God us smarter than us, so why don’t we give it a try. Why don’t we start seeing things from His perspective a little more. Fun fact is, that whenever I fuss over the way I look, Jesus tells me (He Always does this!!!), “Stop doing that, you are beautiful just as you are.” Jesus thinks that I am beautiful without make up, dressed in a turtle neck and just a little bit fat (or a lot, that depends on perspective) Where I see my little, fragile butterfly wings, Jesus points out my massive eagle wings.

The end of the story….Life is a mind game, life is a matter of perspective. Which do you choose?

Halls of crystal gold

Halls of crystal gold

Halls of crystal gold,
imaginative to the naked eye,
swirl hues of purple and blue,
comforting me with holiness.
In Your eyes is the light of love,
surrounding me with Your presence.
As birds hover in the sky,
wings are like a warm blanket,
and the wind like grape juice,
on a hot summer day.
The feeling of being loved is a treasure.
Rays of gold light up my heart,
to embrace it with love and joy.
In Your eyes I am beautiful,
unimaginable are the halls without me.
A child in the arms of His Father –
I am safe within the walls of Your home.
When I look into Your infinite eyes,
oceans become rivers,
penetrating me with their energy,
rejuvenating me with an endless sense of peace.
Halls of crystal gold lead me to Your throne,
where sparrows nestle in Your lap,
and lions rest at Your feet.
How come I can see You so vividly?
My heart explodes with love,
making my DNA rain down on me like confetti.
Truth like a sword cuts through me,
awareness takes over my soul,
and in one single second I know,
You are the one I live for.

Halls of crystal gold

Lost is the heart that falls in love

lost is the heart that falls in love

Truth be told, I have never written about love in the sence of being in love. Since I find the subject rather difficult and the subjects ‘Faith’ and ‘Life’ a lot easier, I avoid it all together. But yesterday I made an attempt to put something on paper. So here it is and I need your honest opinion. Please leave one in the comment section below. I love to hear from you!

Mind Game

Mind Game

Life on display,
asks you who you are,
where you come from,
and where you go.

Life is a war,
where beauty fights ugly,
where truth fights lies,
where realism fights surrealism,
where rich fights poverty,
where success fights failure,
but it is up to you,
to decide,
where you stand.

Life is a stage,
where judges define,
who we are.
Where a mask hides our identity,
so we remain inside a fiction,
for the rest of our lives.

Life on display,
asks us to have courage.
It asks us to break the masks of lies,
in order to live inside the truth,
of who were are.

Life is a mind game,
where we tell ourselves,
who we are,
and where the whole world,
remains silent!

 

 

 

A joyful winterland

A joyful winterland

 A white blanket covers the earth,
with countless dots of cotton wool.
The cool arctic winds blow through my hair,
releasing my inner-child to the world.

 Laughter is an echo,
that illuminates the darkness.
The white snow is a wall,
that reverberates the sounds,
in silence.

 The endless land provides peace.
Covered in its white blanket,
snow angels come to life,
in thousand different colors.
Angel voices fill the sky,
only to be heard,
in the silent winter sound.
Do you hear the soft sound in the air?

 My bare feet touch the white floor,
as my white robe sweeps the snow.
My life is an eternity,
my joy an endless well of love.
In a wishful moment,
the winter land remains,
and I play forever.

 My Father’s hand touches my heart,
the same way He touched the land,
when it became white.
A tickling sensation,
fills Heaven with shrieks of joy.

 In this joyful winter land,
love has turned peace,
into laughter.

winter 2017

 

Just know it!

My entire life I have trusted my feelings, until my feelings started to catch up with me lately. Confusion and questions started to take over. Evaluating my life only made it worse, to the point where I started to doubt everything I know. Even the love of God.

When earthquakes shake up your life, the vibrations leave cracks in the buildings that you have so carefully constructed in your life. Because that is what your heart, your soul, really is. Your soul is a village with houses that hold memories, experiences, knowledge, love, joy, peace and so forth. When negative things, such has bullying, abuse, instability, insecurity and distress, happen in your life, it causes a small earthquake in the village of your soul. The houses that were once build are damaged. Small cracks appear. Left untreated it causes instability to your house. The more earthquakes appear, the more your houses crumbles down and falls apart.

For years I have been trying to fill the cracks in the buildings of my own village with therapy, but after three psychologists, two assertivity trainings, one anxiety course and one therapist performing EMDR on me, I lost hope of ever being healed.

The past two months have been extra hard on me. All my problems, all these little earthquakes put together, became too much to handle! It felt as if my entire village had been destroyed. I felt empty inside and unable to go on. Everything I had tried, all the prayers and even my optimistic character couldn’t fix me. I felt broken inside. Nothing I could ever do, would be enough. In the end I even doubted God’s love. I still knew that Jesus loved me, but I couldn’t feel it anymore. It made me desperate, frustrated, sad and heart-broken. Right when I had given up, Jesus came to me, last saturday in the early morning.

It had been a while but I was so happy to feel His presence. He said,

“Your feelings will follow your knowledge, if only you have patience”.

He even encouraged me to write it down and to share it with you. Jesus gave me the answer that I had been searching for all my life. A way out of how I felt and a back into His love. You see, I still knew that Jesus loved me but my heart was so hurt (my village completely destroyed) that my heart could not reach that knowledge anymore. Jesus taught me to stop relying on my feelings and to trust in the knowledge that I still have.

Thanks to Jesus I have hope again. If I hold on to the knowledge that Jesus loves me, one day my heart will follow into that knowledge and be healed again. It will take time but with Jesus by my side, I will be ok.

But Jesus wasn’t just talking to me. He is talking to you too. No matter what your situation is in life, no matter how discouraged you feel, Jesus loves you. If you have a heart time feeling the love of Jesus in your heart, then just know it. Tell yourself every day that Jesus loves you. Know it and store that knowledge in your heart, because one day your feelings will interlock with that knowledge and things will change. Hold on to your knowledge, that Jesus loves you, and miracles can and will happen in your life.

your feelings will follow your knowledge, if only you have patience!

 

 

Multidimensional

Multidimensional

 One light beam represents,
one life,
one event,
one moment.

The prism represents,
the eyes of God.

One light beam is merely a light beam,
the prism is deeply underestimated.

If you shine the light beam,
through that mere prism,
you will see an astounding rainbow.

If you see your life,
through the eyes of God,
an event is not just an event,
but a multidimensional soul,
beaming to all the corners of the universe.