Authenticity

Authenticity

My eyelids are weak,
my back is soar,
and the early morning,
forces me to scream.
I want to see the dawn,
with a colorful sunrise,
and tea to start my day.
Instead the day calls me,
with heavy stones,
and whiplashes breaking,
the fragile skin of my body.
My mind has become numb –
I stop the thinking,
as soon as I wake up,
in order to prevent,
the evil thoughts,
from crashing in on me,
leaving scars on a heart,
that is already broken.
I protect myself from a world,
who has abandoned me,
at the first breath of my youth,
for reasons I cannot comprehend.
Even the Heavens have gone silent,
unable to utter another word,
that could possibly encourage me.
The streets and bridges are empty.
Only a handful of birds,
dare to cross the sky,
unbothered by the disarray,
taking place beneath them.
My first breath in the morning,
which feels like the first breath,
of a terrified newborn child,
should be the one of a happy,
innocent child filled with wonder,
and glee of the future,
but cheerfully present in the day.
Instead I wonder about the changes,
and improvisations I could make,
to enhance my chances on a market,
that has put me in the box,
of misfits not pretty enough to sell.
Like the crooked cucumber,
that did not make the final cut,
to the runway of the supermarket.
But no matter how I put it down,
in beautifully crafted words,
to explain my small mistakes,
not one is good enough,
to force me to hide away.
I want to be my authentic self,
in a world of so many that look,
and behave exactly the same,
in a society that does not expect,
anything less than that.
I want to rise above the crowd,
of people so alike,
to show this world the beauty,
of standing out.
The worth in my soul,
wins it every single time,
of the desire to fit in.
So even if I have to live,
this one life I have been given,
in the company of myself,
I shall be happy,
for the only thing worse,
than complete loneliness,
is to be forced to kill,
my beautiful self.

Ballade Pour Adeline

Ballad Pour Adeline

The sun rises at the horizon,
and on the green grasslands,
flowers start to grow,
in the early morning light.
I am allowed to choose,
the colors of these flowers,
so, I choose the color blue,
to help them dwell in the Spirit,
until the end of their lives.
And yet, the longer I keep looking,
at this sea of endless blue,
the more my heart calls me,
to choose one more.
One more color to express,
the love within my heart,
that flows on the sweet sound,
of violin and piano music,
playing Ballade Pour Adeline.
I choose the color white,
to express the purity,
that love finds within the soul,
of a kind heart that is,
filled with the sweetest scents,
of vanilla and honey,
that attracts every life form,
in one single breath.
The sunbeams on the horizon,
enhancing the blue and white,
of these millions of flowers,
and my small contribution,
makes me cry,
tears of pure joy,
and as the sound,
of the Ballad Pour Adeline,
slowly fades away,
love is the only feeling that stays!

Soar

Soar,

My lips are painful and dry, as if I have been walking, through the desert for weeks. Now I am longing for streams of water, surrounding my body and soul. For the wind to lift me up, and give me wings like angels, so I can rise above myself – to see myself from a new perspective, if only these glasses were helping me! I spend my days in meditation, where a continuous flow of words, makes her way from my heart to yours. Gratitude is what I always learned, but now I am longing for more, because I feel that I am ready, to open my heart and fly, out of this desert into the promised land, I am ready to soar!

In my disbelief

In my disbelief

When the land is in sight,
after an endless journey,
my heart fills with joy,
until I remember,
that the last steps,
are usually the hardest.
With the sweat on my brow,
I cry silent tears,
in my hopeless heart.
Is it a fata morgana?
An illusion in my mind?
In the extreme exhaustion,
my heart becomes confused,
wondering whether I had it right.
Was this the land,
the land that God asked me to go to?
Or was I mistaken,
wrong about everything I thought,
God spoke to me in dreams?
I pray,
first silently,
then louder and louder,
until my heart screams,
“Why have you forsaken me”?
The inches I walk become slower,
until I stand still in awe of myself,
my misunderstanding,
my hopes and dreams in something,
that might never be.
So, now I am at a crossroad.
Wondering whether to continue,
this extreme endurance,
or whether to go back,
to the life I knew before.
I do not know…
So, I wait for the silent whisper,
gently encouraging me,
to put my one foot,
in front of the other,
in blind courage,
in blind faith,
of an invisible God,
a promise I cannot see,
a situation that seems,
impossible.
Faith is like a mustard seed,
that fell into the ground,
and died.
As my heart is slowly dying,
I know a tree will spring up,
in the depth of my heart,
with strong roots,
able to conquer any storm.
Looking around this endless desert,
I still see the small houses,
shimmering at the horizon,
and no matter how impossible it may seem,
I know,
all I have to do is believe,
that those houses,
no matter how unreal they seem,
are put there for me.
Victory comes to those,
who choose to go on,
when everything inside,
tells them to give up!
So, I choose victory,
in whatever form it comes,
so that one day I can tell,
a world of disbelief,
that the Spirit kept me going,
when I could not belief.
To God be the glory,
for He was with me!

Our first love

Our first love

The wonder of birth,
will never cease to amaze me.
With one gasp of air,
we become one with life –
the first of many choices,
we will ever make on earth.

We breathe,
because we love,
and because we love,
we breathe.

Love and life are connected,
more than we ever realize.
Without life we cannot love,
and without love,
we cannot live our life.

If love is so important,
so vital in our circle of life,
why then do we love so little?

We put ourselves first,
without considering,
that an empty world,
leaves us desolate.

When we are born,
we love our mother.
Without that love,
we die.
Why then do we believe,
we can live alone,
for the rest of our life?

A life without people,
is an empty life,
for only through people,
we can learn,
the most selfless love,
that has ever existed.

To learn the depths of love,
we must be willing,
to look beyond ourselves.
For in the beginning of life,
we did not love ourselves first,
NO,
our first love,
belonged to our mother.

For most of my life, I was bullied, emotionally abused, rejected, and I had/have so little friends that I believed that I was better off alone. This year nearly took my life, not by COVID-19 but by loneliness. When one is rejected and alone for so long, one can get the idea that life alone is the only option. That is why I always said to myself, “It is me and God against the world”, believing there was nobody out there for me. But during the pandemic, I have learned that this is a lie. Humans are created to live together in whatever shape or size that is. The walls are slowly coming down around me and even though I am still finding my place in this life, the growth I have experienced was necessary and so important. That was the sole reason for this poem. Nobody is supposed to live a life alone! No one! And yet, there are so many, like me, who face this struggle every day. I am so blessed with my immediate family but there are those who have no one! Let us take the coming holiday season to look out for those who are alone! Give them something to look forward to. Give them love, a place at your table, a place in your life. You have no idea what it will mean to them! xox Gineke.

Take the first step

Take the first step

The blurred window shows,
only a glimpse of what is seen,
behind the front door of my house.
Colors of blue and green alternate,
releasing a spiritual sensation,
in the quiet corners of my heart.
I want to approach it,
feel the texture of the uneven glass,
as if my hand can reach through it.
I want to open the door,
run outside on my bare feet,
to feel the soft grass tickle my toes.
But something stops me.
Something holds my feet,
and all I can do is press my forehead,
gently against the cold glass.
Hesitation is the essence of doubt,
which is the beginning of fear.
I have to choose.
The choice of trust leads me,
on the greatest adventures.
The choice of fear leads me,
to an impasse in my life.
Even when my hands tremble,
or when my heart is filled with doubt,
I open the door with the blurred window –
A symbolism of the future.
Because sometimes our future,
is like opening a door with a blurred window.
All you can see is the outlines and colors,
the essence of what it has to be,
but you cannot see the full picture.
All you can do is trust.
Trust the outcome.
Trust your own ability,
your own beautiful self.
All you can do is take the first step,
knowing that fear is the lie,
we tell when we doubt ourselves.
To take a step is to make a choice.
To make a choice is asking yourself,
this one single question,
do I really trust myself?

This photograph is mine. If you want to use it, please ask and give credit! Thank you!

Creative Minds

Creative minds

I walk the temple grounds,
in my jungle colored harem pants,
declaring the state of my heart,
to a summer blue sky.

Parrots repeat my prayers,
like an echo across the mountains.
My mountains,
that I have climbed,
millions of times.

If only I could fly,
holding onto the lianas,
like that fictive man from the jungle,
I would let my heart sing,
screams of joy across the world.

But maybe I was born,
for this meditative state of my mind,
creating her own jungle,
in her own fictive mind.

Sometimes the greatest reality,
is the one that captures you,
and holds you tight.
Where a firm grip on your heart,
tells you that this jungle you created
isn’t so fictive after all.

Believing in your own reality,
creates a connection,
to a supernatural God,
who created you,
in his own imaginative mind.

Sometimes the greatest reality,
is the one that you create yourself,
in your own creative mind,
where faith makes the impossible,
your greatest possibility,
in a sometimes fictive world.

This photo is made by me. So, if you want to use it, that is absolutely fine, as long as you give me credit! Thank you!

The Birdcage

The Birdcage

An empty birdcage made of gold,
fills an empty space in a luxurious house.
Velvet sofas of red and green,
create an old fashioned yet classic décor,
where pearls would roll across the floor,
in an overflow of wealth.
The silent emptiness is overwhelming,
and a sadness roams the halls,
in a search for that one missing thing.
Echoes cry in the darkness,
on the ever-present cry of the wind.
Love cannot be bought,
or found in the materialistic items we own.
Only when a house is filled with people,
can we truly life our wildest dreams.
Life was not meant to live alone,
why then do we focus on those things,
that can never bring us joy?
A heart needs a heart to live in,
otherwise it withers away and dies.
An empty birdcage made of gold,
is forcing me to open a window,
where nature is calling the heart,
to spread her wings and fly away,
to that one heart she needs,
to feel alive once again.

Still life

Still life

Silent waves draw me in,
until every inch of me,
is filled with your beauty.

Out of your emptiness,
something new is born,
in the wakening of a bird.

I love to hold you,
in every sense of my being,
I see everything,
in your nothingness.

Silent membranes,
create sound waves,
only the purest soul can hear.

There is nothing,
and yet,
there is everything.

In this still life,
a creation is born,
in the utmost silence.

The dance of the starlings

The dance of  the starlings

As the content of my soul,
is spilled on the white marble floor,
the history of nature forces me,
to let her guide me along the way.  
Through the raindrops I fall down.
Through the fog I rise again,
but the sun remains behind the clouds,
until time is ready to show her off again.
Rainbows bring hope and promises,
of new beginnings and better times,
where the grass is finally greener,
on my side of the meadows,
and where birds joyfully fly.
Life has an art of falling and rising,
like the dance of starlings in the sky,
where one never knows the next step,
but the heart always follows the rhythm of the music,
the soul plays at that particular time.
As my arms spread and my hands open,
I catch the first raindrops of the season,
bringing the joy of my heart to the surface.
However dark the seasons are,
the knowledge of what is ahead,
softens the cracks in my broken heart,
teaching me that the negative will never last.
So, even when I do not know the future,
or what my next step on this road will be,
love is teaching me that greatest endurance,
is learning to dance in the pouring rain,
for the future that is already in sight.