Inside the box

In my life I have always felt that I was different. I felt as if things were never the same for me as they were for others. As a child I tried to blend in and as a teenager even more so. I never had the courage to stand out because I was afraid. Afraid that people would get angry at me. Especially as a teenager I was often excluded, laughed at and at times intimidated. Not just by my peers by also by adults. Trust me when I say, there are certain things that you will never forget.

So out of fear of being excluded, laughed at or hated, I would simply try to blend in. Even when this was not in line with what God would ask from me. God asked me to be a writer – a poet –  but for a long time, I would refuse. Even today I still have moments where I want to give up. These moments are often when people talk behind my back in a negative way and I hear all about it, or when people question me face-to-face. People can be quite convincing. And often I understand their point of view. But then there is God asking something different from me and I get confused about what to do. I remember this one time, when I told my mom: “Life is a battle where it is me and God against the world”. Luckily my mother often listened to me and she would support me in every way that she could. I could really tell her everything because I knew she loved me and I trusted her.

Yet many people are not like my mom. Many people talk behind my back and it is not positive. The prejudices and opinions they have about me are based upon their own insecurity. But still it hurts. Life for me is like living between two fires. The fire of God and the fire of evil. And it is a tough battle.

Still the fire of God is greater. My passion to do God’s will still exceeds everything else. For as long as I can remember I had only one ambition in life; to bring a smile to my Fathers face. And with my Father, I mean God the Father. If I could just put a smile on His face, I would have done the best job that I could possible do. In one of my dreams God said: “the only way that leads to eternity is the small way”. So even if it is difficult to do what God asks you to do, don’t give up. With God everything is possible and God will never leave what He once started. It is better to have faith in God than in people!

Today I wrote a poem about this. It is a poem about my story. I have a huge passion for God the Father, for Jesus and for the Holy Spirit. My love for God makes my heart burst, but so many have tried to stop me through the years. I may be a woman, I may have never been to a prominent bible school or theological study, I may not life up to people’s expectations but I know – with a 100% certainty – that God is greater than my circumstances. God loves me and He will make a way where there is no way. And if you are in the same situation as me? If you feel the same way? Than please know that God is almighty! He loves you! He can and will do amazing things in your life, that may seem impossible. Do not give up! Never! Think outside the box!

Inside the box

Inside the box,
the noose around my neck tightens.
Trying to settle in,
the small nook is too cramped,
and all I want to do,
is to leave this small space.

All eyes tell a different story,
but when they look at me,
all their stories are the same.
Stuck in prejudices and opinions,
war is either neglect,
or fight back.
Who will love me as I am?

Traditions are for keeping,
but not if they suffocate the soul.
When everything is the same,
we are in desperate need of change.
Evolving is teaching yourself to be better,
learning is allowing yourself to grow,
for growth is a never-ending story.

Inside the box,
where I am unable to grow,
I look out into infinity,
where God asks me to live,
in His divine library,
where His great wisdom,
will lead me to eternity.

Between my fingertips

I honestly do not know why I haven’t told this story yet. Is it the fear that nobody will believe me? Maybe the idea that my story doesn’t matter? Or maybe I really just forgot? I don’t know but a sweet friend from Australia inspired me to write the story.

The story is about something that happened to me about three years ago. It was a night like any other. Nothing in particular happened that day, that could have inspired this. It was a dream that I will never forget. It was the dream where I met Jesus, face to face.

In my dream I didn’t see anything other than Jesus. There were no views or surroundings, it was me and Him. He was standing at a distance looking at me and I wondered by myself, “Why are you always standing at a distance from me?
Suddenly He was gone and for a second, I slightly panicked. But then I felt His presence behind me and He came from behind and stepped next to me. I was sitting down and He was standing. All I could do was to stare at Him. My eyes looked into His and didn’t look anywhere else. My heart almost exploded with love for Him. In His eyes I saw both love and peace, but also worry. A worry I didn’t understand then but I do now. With His hand He softly stroke my head and He let His hand rest on my head. Such love! 

I always have these awkward moments where I do something that I don’t quite understand. Here another classic! As we were staring into each others eyes, I couldn’t say a word. So what did I do? I thought about how uncomfortable His robe looked and wondered if it felt as uncomfortable as it looked! So I reached and held His robe between my fingertips and rubbed the fabric gently. It was surprisingly soft though. Then I looked back into His eyes. Out of all the things I could have done, I never expected myself to do that, but He didn’t Judge me. Not once. He still had the same loving, peaceful, worried but gentle look in His eyes. And His hand was still resting on my head. Then He walked away and I so badly wanted to say something, call after Him, but I couldn’t think of anything. I went silent and woke up.

Meeting Jesus, feeling His touch, His love and being so close to Him was an experience I will never forget and never get used to. Even though  it didn’t go exactly according to plan, my plan that is, it did bring me a lot of peace. I always believed in Jesus but somehow it felt as if I needed this. As if I needed it so see Him and touch Him. Just to feel Him close to me. Ever since that day, or should I say night, I am longing to see Him again. Longing for a moment where I can speak. Where my mouth will for words. I am still longing to feel His love as vivid as I did then. Meeting Jesus makes that you just cannot let go anymore. That is the power He has over people. Once you see Him, you can’t let go!  (For all who are wondering what Jesus looked like. He looked exactly like the paintings ‘Prince of Peace’ and ‘Jesus’ by Akiane Kramarik.)

About this experience I wrote a poem called ‘Between my fingertips’ that I would love to share with you now. Enjoy!

Between my fingertips

 I still feel the soft fabric,
gently between my fingertips.
Your eyes are imprinted in my soul,
how can I ever forget Your gentleness?
Not a word has to be spoken,
our minds are one.
And as the Spirit draws us closer together,
our bond is still the same,
Between You and me,
nothing has changed.

 Your brother love exceeds,
it is a heart without boundaries.
Never will Your anger rain down on me,
or felt in any chamber of Your heart.
Your teachings are my guidelines,
wisdom is planted in my mind,
where it grows out of love for You.
I walk the roads of this world alone,
but in heaven I look out for You.
More are You to me than a Savior,
more than all the Kings of the earth,
more than all my brothers combined.

 I still feel the soft fabric,
gently between my fingertips.
Your brotherly worries unspoken,
Your love speaks louder than any word could.
Not a soul knows our connection,
or the bloodline that keeps us attached.
The memories hold my heart,
when the distance becomes an obstacle.
All I need to know,
when my soul returns home,
that the fabric of Your robe,
is still between my fingertips.

 

On the clouds

As my dad and I were driving down a mountain in Switzerland (near Luzern), we noticed this incredible view right by a parking spot. The clouds had descended into the valley. It was as if we were standing on the clouds. It was amazing. On the same parking spot many people were taking pictures and a small group of 4 people were recording a music video. The view was so special that it had to be admired. As we were driving further down the mountains, after we thoroughly enjoyed the view, I was so inspired that words automatically darted across my mind. As my dad was driving, I wrote the words down. The words formed this poem that I am sharing with you today. Enjoy!

On the clouds

My heart leaps for joy,
on the clouds of Heaven.

My heart dances in faith,
I sing praises to Your name.

My heart falls in love,
and our souls become one.

On the clouds I scream Your name,
in the echo I hear my own.

When my soul dances with You,
the clouds do not dissolve,
and our love lives,
an eternity.

 

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Endless Possibilities

Endless Possibilities

In a broken world,
consumed by selfishness,
I am restrained,
by countless limitations.
The chains of restrictions,
the prison of human opinions,
are taking my breath,
leading to suffocation.

My heart yearns,
for the power of Your word,
that created a universe,
and made man breath.
God of all creations,
my heart writes,
the song of Your heart.
To give hope and love,
to the mirror reflections,
around the world.

The chains are broken,
the prisoners released,
by the words of Your lips,
and the act of Your heart.
Longing for freedom,
in a broken world.
My heart cries out,
to my God and Father;
Let me breath, Lord,
the mighty air,
of Your endless Possibilities.

Dear Yeshua

The poem ‘Dear Yeshua’ was written a couple of years ago, with all the women in mind who have walked away from Him/Yeshua. (Yeshua is the Hebrew word for the name Jesus, in the days when Jesus was on earth, everybody called Him Yeshua (Since He lived in Israel and Hebrew was one of the languages they spoke at the time))

I think we all know someone who really needs Jesus in his/her life. I wrote this poem directed to women, mainly because I am a woman myself. Most of my poems I write from my own perspective. Each poem is different of course, some are about me, in some God speaks to me personally, in some God speaks to the world and in others it is about someone else. In the poems that are about other people, I step in the lives and hearts of  these people to write their story. If I write this way, I never know who it is I am writing about. God never discloses this with me! I just write what God gives me and for me that is enough. Fun fact is that this allows me to put a little something of myself in it as well. It makes the poetry more personal to me. My heart is attached to each and very single poem I ever wrote, and that is what makes poetry so wonderful to me.

Back to the poem, this poem is a prayer to Jesus/Yeshua. In this prayer I ask Him to bring every person that once walked away back. Of course we can incorporate the people who never heard from Jesus as well. I hope you will pray this prayer with me!

Enjoy this poem and tell me your thoughts, or if you have a prayer request, send them to me (you can type your request below this poem, or you can fill in the contact form) I am more than willing to pray for you!

Dear Yeshua,

 Dear Yeshua, Son of God,
all I wants to know,
is who you are and what you do,
and the love that You bestow.

 Ever since I was a little girl,
I read Your stories on and on,

Your love, like magic, filled my heart,
I wonder where it’s gone.

 Not by You, that’s what I know,
You didn’t walk away.
Perhaps that little girl grew up,
or maybe she just lost her way?

 Whatever happened, bring her back.
bring her to Your flock,
Protect her like a shepherd does,
and let her feel Your love.

Dear Yeshua, hold her tight,
and open up her heart,
teach her with that magic love,
that you will never be apart.

Enough is enough!

This morning I was thinking about insecurity in life and faith because it is something that I experience at times and I know that so many others do to. So often we are looking at the great teachers, speakers and writers of today and we feel less than them. They seem to have it all figured out. Their wisdom seems incessantly and somewhere deep inside of us, we feel like they are better Christians than we are. They are smarter, know the answers we don’t know, understand things we don’t understand and so many people follow their lead, so they must be “perfect”. In our own insecurity we follow their lead, read their books and listen to what they have to say in order to be as good as them. But our insecurity does not go away. Instead we search harder, try harder and we spend more time finding what we don’t have. This does not happen to everybody of course but I know some of you will recognize themselves in this. And these people, me included, are wondering why we cannot be as good as them. How come they understand everything and I am stuck with so many questions, such doubt, such emotional struggles. When do I reach the end of my search for perfect faith, like they have seemed to reach theirs?

Our faith, as James tells us in James 1 (Holy Bible) is like the sea. One moment it is low tide and the other it is high tide but it is never in balance. The storms come and go, waves grow bigger and smaller but our faith is unstable. To many questions and doubt rush through our minds. Our search for strength, peace and stability seems to go on, while others seem so much stronger than we are.

We have become like beachcombers. We keep searching for the one gem, that one answer to all our questions. We have prayed about it, asked for help, read books, visited conferences and services, we tried worship and we listened to so many family, friends, preachers and speakers that we lost count. But the search does not come to an end. We never stop and be satisfied with what we already have. It is never enough. It can always be better. We do try to be grateful and peaceful but our eyes keep spying the beach for more new treasures.

When are we enough?

Of course it is important to keep working on your life, faith and interaction with one another, but when is it enough? We are like a desert. We drink the water we receive but before the bottle is empty we are already searching for the next because we are still thirsty. Just knowing Jesus and His love for us isn’t enough anymore. We want more…we need more.

When we keep comparing ourselves to others – Christians, speakers, teachers, writers etc. – we miss out on a great truth;

Jesus is already enough. He is all we need!

When are we going to realize that Jesus loves us the way we are? Jesus doesn’t expect us to be a certain way or act a certain way. He doesn’t want us to be like everybody else. Jesus loves us for who He created us to be. All He wants is for us to realize that His love is enough. He is enough! Jesus wants a relationship with you. A personal one where you stop worrying about what the lady in row six at church might think about you and the way you love Jesus! Jesus loves you with your flaws and perfections. He loves the beautiful person that He created you to be.

God created us all in a different way. We are all unique and beautifully made but for many of us that is not enough. We don’t feel enough. We see the way others live their faith and we get jealous. We look at ourselves and see a million mistakes and we wonder, maybe I didn’t pray enough, maybe I need to read my bible more often or maybe we didn’t lift our hands high enough in the air during worship. Maybe Jesus missed us and we just weren’t visible enough. Maybe we just have to try a little harder and be a bit more perfect. Maybe than Jesus will notice us. Maybe then we will be good enough.

So when are we going to realize that we already are enough? When are we going to stop searching on the beach for more treasures than we need. When are we going to stop, stand still and enjoy the beautiful view ahead of us? When are we going to see what is already there?

When are we going to see the view of a Savior who loves us?

All you need to focus on in life is Jesus’ love for you. His love is all that matters. It is all you need. It is important to pray, read your bible and spend time with fellow believers but don’t lose track of the most important thing that you already have; the love of Jesus! Not a soul can take His love away from you. You get it for free and there is nothing that you need to do to earn it. The love of Jesus is free and available. We don’t have to search for it because it is already there. It will help us, guide and sustain us through everything in life. The love of jesus is enough and in His love, so are we!

 I (the Apostle Paul) pleaded with the Lord three times to take it away from me, but he (Jesus) has told me, “My grace is all you need, because my power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most happily boast about my weaknesses, so that the Messiah’s power may rest on me. That is why I take such pleasure in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties for the Messiah’s sake, for when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12: 8 – 10.

My Father’s Garden

The poem ‘My Father’s garden’ is based on a vision I had. I was 29 years old and one night, as I was laying in bed, I got a vision from God. In this vision I saw myself in a secluded place. The grass was greener than I have ever seen. Trees with green leaves were in a quarter of a circle and green bushes were standing in front of the trees. It was a sea of green.

In the centre was a long white (French garden set like) table. It was huge and could easily seat 12 people but there were only 3 chairs. One at the head, two on either side. I was sitting on one of the seats but not the one at the head! I was dressed in a white robe, one like Jesus always wears in pictures. My hair was dark brown and my eyes had this amber-brown color. My face was so white, as if I had a lightbulb in my head that was turned on. My face was literally glowing (read; giving light). I was so shocked by my beauty. And not just my beauty. I looked so happy. Happier than I have ever been on earth. I was filled with joy. The person I saw didn’t look half as much as I am today. I was so shocked by this perfection that I pushed the vision away.

Now I am truly sad that I stopped the vision. I would love to see it once more and take a closer look at myself. I saw myself through God’s eyes. God showed me what He sees. Around the same time God gave me the name; Batyah, which means ‘Daughter of God’. (I have talked about this story in a previous blog) When I woke up the next morning I wrote a poem about my experience. To me this poem is a treasure. A memory of something beautiful. It was God’s way of saying: “I love you and to Me, you are absolutely perfect. To Me you are my beloved little girl”.

My Father’s garden

Watching through a camera,
the lens provides a new picture.
A new world…an unknown place.
Where green trees make a secluded garden,
green bushes bring rest to the soul.
She dwells in green pastures.
Her home is peace,
She’s dressed in truth.

A white table provides three chairs,
One for her…she is already seated,
One for the Son….He will come,
One for the Father….He is already there.
Never leaving her side,
His angels keep her laughing,
For joy is the essence of the garden.

The lens provides a perfect world,
where all the cultures are united.
Peace is the law,
joy is life,
and love your greatest company.

Dressed in white, Her body is alight.
Her dark brown hair points out Her amber eyes.
I want to touch Her face….my face.
I want to braid Her hair…my hair.
I want to look like Her…but I’m looking at myself.

The lens shows a different view,
I am looking through the eyes of my Father,
A promise…a place…a Daughter.
My Father’s garden…my home.

A short but sweet love poem

I love you!

If my spirit is attached to you,
with one single thread,
If my eyes cry tears,
for those I never met,
If my eyes long to see you,
if it were only once,
then the covenant still stands,
our hearts remain as one!

If the smell of spices touches me,
a taste that only you can blend,
If pomegranates tell stories,
that only I can understand,
If music is a heartbeat,
only beating your drum,
then our love is like a bride,
waiting for the groom to come!

On the balcony of dreams,
I am always looking out for you,
for none could ever love me more,
then only you can do.
I love you!

The rose blooms

The rose blooms

Tears bring forth joy.
Through the ashes of pain,
a rainbow colors the horizon –
hope is a glimmering in the sky.

When pain scars the heart,
screams whisper in silence,
until the earth breaks into an earthquake –
relief is the essence of tears.

An ocean of tears fills one heart,
but only through the sunshine,
the rain falls down like shimmering stars,
and the rose blooms in full bloom.

*When my mother passed away last Friday, I never thought that I would ever be able to write again. For how do you find the words in such times of grieve? How do you find the words when the woman who was your greatest love and support has gone to Jesus?
You don’t. God gives them to show you His presence and everlasting love. I am not alone! And there is a golden light at the horizon!

Redemption

Redemption (the poem) is based on a dream that I had a couple of days ago.

In my dreams I was running through a city. Someone was chasing me but I didn’t really know who. I tried to get away but was unsuccessful in my efforts. In order to escape I ran to a stairway that lead down to a dark and scary subway station. For me it felt like the only way out.

Two steps down the stairs I stopped. In the corner of my eye I noticed a little white-blue songbird. The bird looked like a blue tit without the yellow chest. He was only blue and white colored and he had a little white tuft on his head. He was a very cute little guy!

The little bird tilted his head and looked at me with curiosity and sympathy in his eyes. With one single look he touched my heart.

Even though I was afraid, I did bend over and let the little guy hop onto my hand. He immediately started to peck between my fingers but it didn’t hurt me. After he was done with my right hand, he hopped over to my left until he seemed done. He then hopped into the palm of my hand where I could take a closer look at him.

Suddenly I noticed a black tick on my pointer finger. Left untreated, the bite of a tick can be deadly so I panicked. But before I could act, the little bird pecked at the tick and flew away.

As I was looking for signs of bite marks, the tick disappeared. In its place came a smiley face (like an emoji) that was branded into my skin. Slowly the panic left my heart and peace took its place. Then a little soft whisper in my heart said, “You are safe”.

In my dream the little white-blue bird saved me. The entire day I kept meditating on this dream. In the afternoon I felt the urge to write a poem about it. When I did, things became much clearer to me. The little white-blue bird represents the Holy Spirit. When we are in danger or at a place in our life that is not good for us, the Holy Spirit is with us to help us. But it is up to us to notice Him and invite Him into our lives. When we do, He will take all that is dirty, all that is dangerous and all that will hurt us away from us. The black tick represents evil. The Holy Spirit will peck at evil as long as it takes evil to leave us alone. It is the Holy Spirit that will always help us and stand by us, no matter where we are in life. He does this because Jesus died for our sins and rose from the dead. If we believe in Jesus we receive the Holy spirit to stand by us at all times. This is what redemption really is. Jesus loves us so much that He will do whatever He can to save us. The Holy Spirit is the Mighty Helper who will comfort us and give us strength. In order to stand firm in this life, we need them both!

Redemption

On a wild chase,
the city lost me,
and the only escape,
leads me down the stairs,
of a dark subway station.

Descending the stairs,
I find you,
and your curious sympathy,
touches me.

 Movement runs fast,
in fear it is uncontrollable,
but your steps are premeditated,
and your motions are effortless.

Unafraid is your heart,
diligent your observation.

A little white-blue bird you are,
resting in the palm of my hand.

As you fly away on the wind,
my fingertips turn into a smile,
the sign of your everlasting redemption.