My lips are painful and dry, as if I have been walking, through the desert for weeks. Now I am longing for streams of water, surrounding my body and soul. For the wind to lift me up, and give me wings like angels, so I can rise above myself – to see myself from a new perspective, if only these glasses were helping me! I spend my days in meditation, where a continuous flow of words, makes her way from my heart to yours. Gratitude is what I always learned, but now I am longing for more, because I feel that I am ready, to open my heart and fly, out of this desert into the promised land, I am ready to soar!
When the land is in sight, after an endless journey, my heart fills with joy, until I remember, that the last steps, are usually the hardest. With the sweat on my brow, I cry silent tears, in my hopeless heart. Is it a fata morgana? An illusion in my mind? In the extreme exhaustion, my heart becomes confused, wondering whether I had it right. Was this the land, the land that God asked me to go to? Or was I mistaken, wrong about everything I thought, God spoke to me in dreams? I pray, first silently, then louder and louder, until my heart screams, “Why have you forsaken me”? The inches I walk become slower, until I stand still in awe of myself, my misunderstanding, my hopes and dreams in something, that might never be. So, now I am at a crossroad. Wondering whether to continue, this extreme endurance, or whether to go back, to the life I knew before. I do not know… So, I wait for the silent whisper, gently encouraging me, to put my one foot, in front of the other, in blind courage, in blind faith, of an invisible God, a promise I cannot see, a situation that seems, impossible. Faith is like a mustard seed, that fell into the ground, and died. As my heart is slowly dying, I know a tree will spring up, in the depth of my heart, with strong roots, able to conquer any storm. Looking around this endless desert, I still see the small houses, shimmering at the horizon, and no matter how impossible it may seem, I know, all I have to do is believe, that those houses, no matter how unreal they seem, are put there for me. Victory comes to those, who choose to go on, when everything inside, tells them to give up! So, I choose victory, in whatever form it comes, so that one day I can tell, a world of disbelief, that the Spirit kept me going, when I could not belief. To God be the glory, for He was with me!
A little feather, with a million silky hairs, lays desolated on the ground. Blown away by the wind, it catches my heart, and captures my soul. A gift on a bed of grass, glimmering in the sun, it shines like the stars. The stories it could tell me, reach beyond the farthest galaxy, where Heaven meets earth, in the palm of God’s hand. And as suddenly as it came, the Spirit takes it away from me, leaving me with an imprint, of an unknown future, where my feelings will find, the freedom to fly.
Butterfly bushes grow in many colors,
and yet I can only look at you.
Your small eyes stare at me in great wonder,
as if you have a thousand questions to ask.
As the years went by I kept you at a distance,
but your soft whimpering haunted me.
As hard as I tried to run away from you,
I somehow carried you along with me,
making the distance nothing more than a hair.
After all these years I have stopped running,
to focus on what you are trying to say.
Without words I have to learn to assess,
every little movement you make,
and every little emotion you display.
If babies could speak the time would go faster,
but I have to learn how to embrace patience,
as the clock is loudly ticking behind me.
Then suddenly, for the first time in forever,
my hands reach out to you to lift you up,
into my arms where I know you are safe.
I have learned to understand what you need,
to give you everything you deserve at the right time.
The baby I am holding in my arms,
is none other than my own inner child,
who is teaching me that in order to survive,
I have to learn to accept and embrace her.
As the world is slowly passing me by,
and the last words of the sermon escape me,
I walk out of the church service,
with a wisdom that is greatly exceeding me.
In order to live life to the utmost fullest,
embracing the purpose awaiting you,
you first have to learn to take care of a baby –
the representation of your own inner child.