Build your identity with Jesus

Your identity is like a house. A house that is being built over many years. It works like this;

Your identity is who you are. The foundation, the root or essence of who you are, is a child of God. You are first and foremost a child of God. That is your foundation. Everything else are bricks. With everything else I mean; you are a wife/husband, mother/father, sister/brother, aunt/uncle, niece/nephew, friend, member of a church, teacher, athlete, lawyer, painter, music lover, nature lover, reader, volunteer and so on. Everything that you believe you are. All of those things are bricks.

Jesus is the one who hands you these bricks. Everything that you have and that you are is given to you by Jesus. It is up to you to accept it! It all depends on how much you trust Jesus. He has your best interest at heart but do you believe that?  Do you believe that Jesus wants to make you strong, beautiful, happy and loved? When you do, your house – your identity –  will be rock-solid!

Your whole life is used to build this house, this identity. Every day of your life, you keep collecting, accepting and denying new bricks. Sometimes a piece of wall will fall apart because you denied a brick you really needed and you have to start all over again. But if you trust Jesus, if you accept what He gives you, He will help you to build a good and steady house!

Your house is finished when you die. Until you die, you keep adding bricks, a pieces, to your identity. The moment you die however, Jesus puts the final touches to your house. He makes it even more beautiful than it already is and more beautiful than you could ever imagine! So when you enter the gates of Heaven, your brand-new house is waiting for you, where you will live in for all eternity.

What you do today matters! Who you decide to be today matters! Trust Jesus in everything for He never makes mistakes. He knows you, loves you and has your best interest at heart! His love will make you brand-new!

Build your identity with Jesus

“Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock”. (Matthew 7: 24-25)

You know how much I love You

You know how much I love You

How can I describe my feelings?
How can I describe the contents of my heart?
When I look at You all logics fade,
and my heart pounds like that of an antelope,
who only just escaped a hungry lion.
The world disappears from my sight,
for my eyes can only perceive You –
nothing else matters to me but You.
If only You would know how much I love You!
My heart languishes for You,
in the brief moments when You are not with me,
I cannot exist without You by my side.
Still I know that I am one of many,
still I understand that I have to know my place.
But when You ask me,
if I love You more than others?
Then yes Lord, You know how much I do,
You know how much I love You!

You know how much I love You

“The third time Jesus said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”

John 21: 17

A beacon in the night

A beacon in the night

In a hardened world,
a leopard better hunts alone,
if he wants food before the night falls.

How is it then,
that the leopard dies of hunger,
and the pride of lions eat their meal?

Together is better than alone,
for a multitude of eyes see more,
than one single set alone.

Once rejected,
it is difficult to find your way,
your place back in the pride.
But the victory is for those,
who don’t give up.

Remember that I AM,
always by your side.
I pave the way for the weak,
and I support the crushed in spirit.

Unable to snatch you,
out of my loving hands,
the flowers will never fall,
and the grass will never wither.

My love is your beacon in the night,
a lamp that shines before your feet,
and the embrace that holds you up.

Before the night falls,
the light will remove the darkness,
so that the night will never fall again.

A beacon in the night

 

 

When God says ‘No’.

We all have those days, or weeks, where things are not going according to plan. Last week was one of those weeks for me. My dad was on holiday, so I planned a calm and relaxing week for myself (I life with my parents and since my mother passed away last year, I now life with my dad)

But my plans quickly went down the drain. My dog got sick. He remained sick all week and I was busy all day looking after him. At the end of the week, my dog seemed to be getting better, when he left an unpleasant surprise for me on the kitchen floor. I had a busy day the next day and I was unable to cancel any of it. So I started to worry. If I would leave my dog alone all day, it was waiting for another nasty surprise on the kitchenfloor but I also had my responsibilities. I didn’t consider praying about it because I decided to just trust that things would turn out fine in the end. I told myself not to worry and I tried to push the worry out of my mind. Of course this didn’t work but I tried not to make a big deal out of it, like I usually do.

The next morning God surprised me with some unexpected grace. Instead of working (a cleaning job I have at the family firm that is now ran by my brother), my brother texted me if I could babysit instead. Even though I hadn’t prayed about it, God knew exactly what I needed, when I needed it. I was so pleasantly surprised and humbled by the grace of God that day, that I couldn’t stop smiling.

This taught me a valuable lesson. I was always taught that God doesn’t give, what you haven’t first asked for. I believed this my entire life. If you want God to do something, you have to ask Him first, otherwise He is not going to do it. But this moment taught me that God doesn’t need our prayers to create miracles. God loves us so much that He watches our every move. He looks at us so intently with love, grace and mercy. He sees where our life meets a crossroad and He knows exactly what we need to get through that.

During my life, my prayers were hardly ever answered. I pray a lot but my personal prayers are often answered with ‘No’. The prayers for others however are often more succesful but it has caused me to not pray for myself, unless it is highly necessary. I tell God what bothers me but I don’t ask for anything. If I ask for something, I don’t expect God to actually do it. It is a survival mechanism that I taught myself, so I won’t get upset if the answer is ‘No’ again. (which it often is) I know that God loves me but prayer time has always been a bit awkward to me. Why ask if you don’t receive anyway? I think because it comforts me. At least God knows and He cannot say that I never told Him. This may sound foreign to you, but this is what prayertime became for me. A questionable conversation where I talk and God listens but if He acts upon it is very unsure.

Anyway, God surprising me with something that I hadn’t even asked for. He more or less restored my faith in prayer a little. Just because God says ‘No’ 90% of the time doesn’t mean it is no all of the time. I have to rely on the remaining 10%. There is still a chance that God says ‘Yes’ and it is a 10% worth praying for. Maybe you feel just like me. You wonder why you should still pray and when people start about God’s grace and mercy, you stop listening because the answer is always ‘No’ or ‘silence’. Why bother? Why try? Well you keep praying because prayer is comfort.

Prayer comforts you even when nothing happens! 

Besides, God does listen to every word you say. He sees your every need. He sees your past, present and future in the blink of an eye. He knows exactly what you need, when you need it, God’s ‘No’ could be a blessing in disguise. God may say no because it is not the right time. Maybe He has a much better plan in mind. And maybe He knows something that we don’t know. When my mother got cancer and I heard that she only had two to four months left to live, I got furious at God. Why didn’t He heal her if He had the power to. But God the Father said to me, “Honey, if I would tell you now why your mother passed away, you wouldn’t understand it. It would only upset you more. But I promise you that one day I will explain you everything”. God knows our pain and heartache. He knows what we want and what we need, and often those are two entirely different things. His ‘No’ could be the perfect answer. One day He will explain to me and to you, why He said ‘No’ that day. We will see everything through His eyes! But until then, we have to trust Him. We have to trust that God does what is right for us.

But God doesn’t say ‘No’ all the time. When you pray, believe that God can also say ‘Yes’. God can still do miracles and often He still does them. All we need is faith. Even if it is as tiny as a mustard seed. The tiniest faith it big enough for God and He hears everything you say. The smallest prayers do not pass God’s throne without Him hearing every single word. Keep praying, because God does what is right. Because God loves you!

(My encouragements may not make a lot of sense as I have written them, but it comes from a loving heart and I hope it will encourage you nonetheless) With love! 🙂

A Joined Combat

A Joined Combat

In a constant battle,
I fight only a temporary war,
for with You  beside me,
the burden is split in two,
lifting the heavy yoke,
from underneath,
my trembling shoulders.

Your unwavering gaze,
attaches my heart to Yours,
and in Your loving sight,
I am never left unattended.
The love that connects us,
is our only way to overcome,
this endless battle of obstructions.

The requested trust,
I lay it in Your open hands,
buried in the strength of Your heart,
Your love carries us to completion,
where eternity begins today,
and the victory,
will set me in Your glory.

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11: 28-30)

Life is often like a battle. A war where some things work out and others go horribly wrong. In whatever situation you are at the moment. No matter how hopeless your situation may seem. Remember that you do not fight this battle alone. The yoke you are carrying alone is lifted and Jesus shoulders are finding its way next to yours. He is carrying your burden with you. You are never out of His sight. He is holding you tight and together with Him, you will overcome your battle. God is with you….Always!

A Joined Combat

Which wings do you have?

There is nothing more breakable than the wings of a butterfly. The slightest touch can break these little fragile wings. In life we often feel like these butterfly wings. We feel as if the least bit of hurt can break us. This state of anxiety does not necessarily have to be noticeably present, it often lingers underneath the surface. Of course we are aware that we can stand a little bit of hurt, as long as it is not too much.

We live our life, trying to avoid as much problems as possible. When problems occur we analyze them until we are certain that it wasn’t our fault. This way we keep ourselves up right, because we know that when it was our faults, our Wings may break. So as long as we keep ourselves out of the wind, we are fine.

Unfortunately life does not always agree with this.  Neither does our heart and mind by the way. The other day I released my poem ‘Mind Game’. Because that is what life really is. It is all a mind game. We trick our minds to feel well, even if our hearts disagree because we hope that somehow our hearts will catch up with it. Which it most often does! But how long can we trick ourselves this way? How long can we fool ourselves. ‘Mind Game’ was inspired by something Jesus told me. Having a generalized anxiety disorder is not easy and it often brings me in trouble. For a long time this mind game has worked out fine, until last year.

Losing my mom pulled me over the edge. I started to doubt myself immensely. To the point where I pleaded with God to help me out, and this is what I learned. Jesus said, “Tell yourself that I love you. I know your heart will not believe it now, because you are in so much pain, but in time your heart will catch up with your mind”. The love of Jesus is actually all we need. We don’t need to trick our minds by telling ourselves things that we don’t yet believe in, in the hope that one day the fearful or hateful thoughts about ourselves go away. All we need is the love of Jesus. It is all we need to set ourselves free. Regardless of what you have done in life (or failed to do), regardless of what you do and how good or bad you are at doing it, Jesus loves you, end of discussion.

We are trying so hard to be perfect, to look perfect and to be a certain way that we forget the love of Jesus so easily. Of course we fool ourselves that we don’t  but that is merely lying to ourselves. You see, Jesus could have said, “Honey, just tell yourself that you are not afraid, and one day your heart will catch up with your mind”. But that would not have fixed my anxiety disorder. Whether or not I will ever heal of this disorder is beside the point. The point is that it is easier for me to remain calm if I simply focus on the mere fact that Jesus loves me. I can prevent freaking out over petty little fears by knowing that Jesus loves me. The love of Jesus allows me to say, “It didn’t work out today, but maybe tomorrow it will”. The love of Jesus does not necessarily heal me, but it takes me a lot further than playing tricks on my mind does.

Sometimes it takes us to embrace our problems, so we can deal with them or overcome them. Fighting is not the solution, love is. You cannot control your life, problems, people around you or the world, but you can control your faith in the simple fact that Jesus loves you.

The beauty is also that as we focus on our fragile butterfly wings that can break so easily, God is focussing on our massive eagle wings instead. Mother Theresa said it so beautifully, “I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle, I just wish He didn’t trust me so much”. God has an entirely different view on us as we do. Where we see problems, God see solutions, Where we see ugly, God sees beauty, where we see hate, God finds love in the midst of all evil. God us smarter than us, so why don’t we give it a try. Why don’t we start seeing things from His perspective a little more. Fun fact is, that whenever I fuss over the way I look, Jesus tells me (He Always does this!!!), “Stop doing that, you are beautiful just as you are.” Jesus thinks that I am beautiful without make up, dressed in a turtle neck and just a little bit fat (or a lot, that depends on perspective) Where I see my little, fragile butterfly wings, Jesus points out my massive eagle wings.

The end of the story….Life is a mind game, life is a matter of perspective. Which do you choose?

Clarity

Clarity

 Millions of Multi-colored ribbons,
I gently hang them in the acorn tree,
where they blow joyfully in the wind,
celebrating life, birth and growth.

 As the peaceful green compliments the truthful white,
the trustworthy pink rejoices with the friendly yellow,
red passionately loves through the mindful blue,
but the spiritual purple holds them all together.
One cannot exist without the other,
their harmonious display creates a unity,
only the heavens are aware of.

 Through all the seasons of life,
the million multi-colored ribbons fight,
but only cooperation brings victory.

 The night sets in and I enkindle My lantern,
hoping that the illumination brings clarity.
As I watch the ribbons fight in the wind,
My children take me by the hand to encourage me.
Therefore giving each of them a lantern,
I help them put the lanterns in the tree,
so My light expels the darkness,
togetherness will bring unity,
and cooperation establishes peace.

 All I hope that they will see…is Me!

Trust

Trust

Trust is letting go,
when all you want to do,
is to hold tight.

Like sinking sand,
trust tells you to stand still,
when life swallows you up.

When fear is driving you mad,
trust forces you to remain calm.

In the tornado of emotions,
the eye of the storm is at the center.
It is the only place of silence,
where love clears the mind  from tensions.

When questions exasperate you,
answer will not satisfy your soul.

Like a bird,
jumping from one branch to another,
your mind,
skips from thought to thought,
longing for answers.

Trust is letting go,
when all you want to do,
is to hold tight!

Trust

 

 

 

 

With Gentle Force

Finding my purpose in life seemed so easy. Jesus simply told me what to do when I was five years old (see previous blogs) and all I had to do was to execute the plan. But it was not that simple! 

Let’s be honest, I am not a bible teacher – nor any other kind of teacher – and I am not a fictional writer either. My speaking abilities leave to wishes – I couldn’t hold my first speech at age 7 and I unfortunately never progressed either – but I am great with one on one conversations though. I never went to a bible school nor a theological school or study of any kind. In fact I didn’t even want to be a poet, I wanted to be a nurse. Yes I received dreams and visions, my abilities to communicate with God were highly developed but I didn’t see myself as a disciple of any sort. So when it was time to chose my future after middle/high school, I chose Health Care. Helping people and taking care of them had a more charming appeal on me than writing poetry ever did. I finished my study and got a job very quickly but then it happened. I got diagnosed with fybromyagia and was advised to stop working in that field. 

After trying another study, a job at a local supermarket and two jobs in administration, I got very discouraged. What in the world was I supposed to do except for writing? You see, writing was not an option. I wanted to be a “normal” girl. I had no intentions of standing out or being viscible. None whatsoever. I just wanted to live my life in peace and quiet with my family and some friends and that’s it. But God still had a plan with me. Regardless of whether I wanted it or not, God had His mind set on His plan for my life. He directed every step in such a gentle way that one could easily call it; coincedence. At the age of 25 I finally, reluctantly, agreed to pick up on writing again. As soon as I did, a fire of passion entered my heart as I never felt it before. This really was what I was supposed to do. 

Even when I finally agreed to do God’s will, my battle wasn’t over yet. I still wasn’t convinced that I was up for the job. I cannot tell you how many times, I begged God to pick someone else. Someone better than me with more skills. And still God gently nudged me in the direction of writing. 

In fact He still does. I am still not 100% convinced of my calling but writing makes me so happy. I still doubt because I still don’t get anything back for it. I know that I am a good writer but it doesn’t put food on the table so I doubt. I doubt and look for other ways. But that little fire in my heart still burns too bright. God’s will is still stronger than my own. So I still continue this journey. The poem “Gentle Force” is about these struggles. The fight of finding your purpose and holding on during that journey. It is so easy to give up. Giving up is the broad road, the easy way out. But to keep going and not giving up is the small path. And it is that small path that will bring you much further in life. 

Gentle force.

Love shows directions,
but my feet weakly stumble.
The bird shows the way,
if only I would follow him.
Light shows the path,
but my eyes are searching for another.
At the crossroad of life,
I wonder when I lost my way,
and ignoring the signals,
my soul loses its destination.

Love shows directions,
in the lost signals.
The bird waits for its time.
The light waits for its cue.

When I least expect it,
wings of light touch me,
pushing me in the right direction.
When I least expect it,
Your light opens my eyes,
to see the signs in front of me.
When I least expect it,
You plant a seed deep in my heart,
growing me in Your light.  

Directions are found,
in the signs of love,
where it guides you,
with gentle force. 


Inside the box

In my life I have always felt that I was different. I felt as if things were never the same for me as they were for others. As a child I tried to blend in and as a teenager even more so. I never had the courage to stand out because I was afraid. Afraid that people would get angry at me. Especially as a teenager I was often excluded, laughed at and at times intimidated. Not just by my peers by also by adults. Trust me when I say, there are certain things that you will never forget.

So out of fear of being excluded, laughed at or hated, I would simply try to blend in. Even when this was not in line with what God would ask from me. God asked me to be a writer – a poet –  but for a long time, I would refuse. Even today I still have moments where I want to give up. These moments are often when people talk behind my back in a negative way and I hear all about it, or when people question me face-to-face. People can be quite convincing. And often I understand their point of view. But then there is God asking something different from me and I get confused about what to do. I remember this one time, when I told my mom: “Life is a battle where it is me and God against the world”. Luckily my mother often listened to me and she would support me in every way that she could. I could really tell her everything because I knew she loved me and I trusted her.

Yet many people are not like my mom. Many people talk behind my back and it is not positive. The prejudices and opinions they have about me are based upon their own insecurity. But still it hurts. Life for me is like living between two fires. The fire of God and the fire of evil. And it is a tough battle.

Still the fire of God is greater. My passion to do God’s will still exceeds everything else. For as long as I can remember I had only one ambition in life; to bring a smile to my Fathers face. And with my Father, I mean God the Father. If I could just put a smile on His face, I would have done the best job that I could possible do. In one of my dreams God said: “the only way that leads to eternity is the small way”. So even if it is difficult to do what God asks you to do, don’t give up. With God everything is possible and God will never leave what He once started. It is better to have faith in God than in people!

Today I wrote a poem about this. It is a poem about my story. I have a huge passion for God the Father, for Jesus and for the Holy Spirit. My love for God makes my heart burst, but so many have tried to stop me through the years. I may be a woman, I may have never been to a prominent bible school or theological study, I may not life up to people’s expectations but I know – with a 100% certainty – that God is greater than my circumstances. God loves me and He will make a way where there is no way. And if you are in the same situation as me? If you feel the same way? Than please know that God is almighty! He loves you! He can and will do amazing things in your life, that may seem impossible. Do not give up! Never! Think outside the box!

Inside the box

Inside the box,
the noose around my neck tightens.
Trying to settle in,
the small nook is too cramped,
and all I want to do,
is to leave this small space.

All eyes tell a different story,
but when they look at me,
all their stories are the same.
Stuck in prejudices and opinions,
war is either neglect,
or fight back.
Who will love me as I am?

Traditions are for keeping,
but not if they suffocate the soul.
When everything is the same,
we are in desperate need of change.
Evolving is teaching yourself to be better,
learning is allowing yourself to grow,
for growth is a never-ending story.

Inside the box,
where I am unable to grow,
I look out into infinity,
where God asks me to live,
in His divine library,
where His great wisdom,
will lead me to eternity.