Journey to the Past

Purple dresses reflect sunlight,
wrapped in red sashes they reflect the soul.
Golden bracelets start joyful music,
where feet dance to the melody of the heart.
I look at her auburn hair,
bouncing on the light steps of her life.
I hear her laughter like sweet melodies.
She is a reminder of a past life,
which formed the start of my current journey.
A trip to faraway places,
where sweet spices make me dream,
and foreign languages fill my heart with wonder.
I walk into the Ganges river and submerge,
to resurface in the river Jordan,
where I start my pilgrimage to Rome.
My feet dance on the sound of tambourine.
I fall asleep on relaxing soprano melodies.
This journey brings me back to life,
as past, present, and future collide,
in a beautiful array of colors,
that reflect every essence of my soul.
I am more than I currently know,
more real than any dream I ever dreamed before.
And as I await the gates of Heaven, I know,
my life was lived to the fullest,
in the utmost sense of joy!

In my disbelief

In my disbelief

When the land is in sight,
after an endless journey,
my heart fills with joy,
until I remember,
that the last steps,
are usually the hardest.
With the sweat on my brow,
I cry silent tears,
in my hopeless heart.
Is it a fata morgana?
An illusion in my mind?
In the extreme exhaustion,
my heart becomes confused,
wondering whether I had it right.
Was this the land,
the land that God asked me to go to?
Or was I mistaken,
wrong about everything I thought,
God spoke to me in dreams?
I pray,
first silently,
then louder and louder,
until my heart screams,
“Why have you forsaken me”?
The inches I walk become slower,
until I stand still in awe of myself,
my misunderstanding,
my hopes and dreams in something,
that might never be.
So, now I am at a crossroad.
Wondering whether to continue,
this extreme endurance,
or whether to go back,
to the life I knew before.
I do not know…
So, I wait for the silent whisper,
gently encouraging me,
to put my one foot,
in front of the other,
in blind courage,
in blind faith,
of an invisible God,
a promise I cannot see,
a situation that seems,
impossible.
Faith is like a mustard seed,
that fell into the ground,
and died.
As my heart is slowly dying,
I know a tree will spring up,
in the depth of my heart,
with strong roots,
able to conquer any storm.
Looking around this endless desert,
I still see the small houses,
shimmering at the horizon,
and no matter how impossible it may seem,
I know,
all I have to do is believe,
that those houses,
no matter how unreal they seem,
are put there for me.
Victory comes to those,
who choose to go on,
when everything inside,
tells them to give up!
So, I choose victory,
in whatever form it comes,
so that one day I can tell,
a world of disbelief,
that the Spirit kept me going,
when I could not belief.
To God be the glory,
for He was with me!

A Lesson in Strength

A Lesson in Strength

A storm in a glass of water,
maybe that was all I had to endure,
but for me it was a tornado,
a giant flood overwhelming me.
I needed the world to stop,
for my life to come to a halt.
I needed panic to take me over,
and fear to pierce a way through my heart.

In order for us to become stronger,
we first have to become weaker.
For strength can only enter our soul,
if it defeats all the negative inside us,
and diminishes our fears and doubts.
When the mind grows stronger,
it allows our faith to grow,
so we can learn to trust ourselves.
Like a seed in the dark earth,
first has to die,
in order to bloom in its brightest colors,
that is how our dark hearts,
first has to die inside of us,
in order to become strong and invincible.
When we are willing to face our fear,
we are able to defeat them in the battle.
If we are willing to work on ourselves,
the victory of self-growth will be ours.
The lesson of strength,
has been the most valuable in my life,
for it has taught me,
that when you do not give up,
anything is possible.
The key is to put one foot in front of the other,
to breathe one breath at the time,
to force your heart to keep on beating,
when the darkness seems to engulf you.
But the greatest help in this process,
was a man on a cross,
who rose from the dead,
and who believed in me,
long before I did.
The road to pure strength,
goes through deep dark valleys,
and over high mountains,
but at the end of the road,
the prize of self-love,
understanding, wisdom, and confidence,
is worth everything!

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Photo: taken by myself at a bamboo forest in France in 2014!

A Chance for Rebirth

A Chance for Rebirth

Feelings are lost in a chaotic mess of emotions,
I try to untangle the knots in the threads,
but somehow the frame remains broken,
and the paint is slowly dripping from the canvas.

Am I losing myself in this seemingly endless battle?
Do we all lose ourselves at some moment in life?
Losing is winning in an upside-down world,
like returning to my mother’s womb is a chance for rebirth.

Rediscovering the new and old assets of my soul,
allows me to look at the painting with a clearer mind,
while I pick up a brush to fill in the blanks,
with new vibrant colors I find in my reborn heart.

If losing myself forces me to be recreated,
by the One who created me in the first place,
then maybe trust is the only way to unlock my bolted heart,
to a new and brighter future I could ever dream of.

 

New Rays of Hope

New Rays of Hope

Trees dance in the rain,
as a sparrow shakes his feathers dry,
on the soft sound of the piano keys.

The hot steaming liquid in my mug,
reminds me of the fireplace at home,
but the beach is to inviting to leave now.

Storms on the shore take my tears,
and send them along with the wind,
in bittersweet love letters to far away places.

Small towns are like warms blankets,
keeping the cold out of the weary heart,
where it begs for love to find her.

As an artistic flow of creativity touches me,
I can only take what I have left in my hands,
for it to find a way to come surging out.

With a pencil in hand I sketch the night away,
for the morning to arrive in words and pictures,
that align with the Divine connection with my soul.

For a short moment longer the sea rages on,
and I witness the dark clouds disappear in the distance,
only for the rainbow to whisper the new rays of hope.

New rays of hope

 

When the heart burns

When the heart burns

Every step I take,
my empty heart burns,
like a forest on fire.
Trying to rescue life,
in all its forms,
I make a decision,
to fight.

The sun on the horizon,
promises me hope,
but how can I believe,
in a new land,
when the old one,
is still burning?

Letting go of sorrow,
feels like the end,
of my very last breath,
overwhelming me with fear,
until I decide,
to breathe again.

Every step I take,
my empty heart burns,
so lay it on the ground,
to find life without it,
but how can I live,
without my heart?

Every season,
teaches us lessons,
but this season appears,
the hardest of them all,
so I have to believe,
that the lesson of this season,
will be the biggest one,
I have ever learned.

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Photograph made by: Gineke van Keulen!

 

In a black and white world

In a black and white world

The sky is grey and gloomy,
the earth is covered in black and white,
and nature has never been this mystical.

Arches form doors to different realms,
as mountains enclose the waters.
I follow the river to the end of the horizon,
in order to find the end of my dream.

Heavy burdens way me down,
but my wings are still strong enough,
to keep me floating above the clear water.

Angels guide me along my journey,
and the Spirit leads me along the way.
All I must do is follow His guidance,
with a trust greater than the doubts in my heart.

Now I know that life is not about the dream,
but about learning to keep yourself floating,
in world that is too often black and white.

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The Phoenix catches me

The phoenix catches me

I try to catch the phoenix,
who rose from the ashes,
but he is a mere flight,
a soft summer breeze,
who delights me with a feather.

A feather of dreams.
A soft distant sound.
When the feather,
strikes across my skin –
uncatchable is the wind.

If the wind is untouchable,
unnoticeable is Your presence.
But if I concentrate,
on the soft distant sounds,
the breeze of memories,
rushes through my hair.
I lift my hands to receive Your love.

Love is stronger than the feathers,
and rests on the wings of the phoenix.
Gentle are the lips that spoke.
The air of love is like honey.
Kind is the heart that gives.
I miss the sweetness of Your soul,
so, I live on the waves of memories.

I try to catch the phoenix,
who rose from the ashes,
but he is a mere flight,
a soft summer breeze,
who delights me with a feather.

Until one day,
the phoenix catches me.

The phoenix catches me

 

 

 

 

The Road of Self-Discovery

The road of self-discovery

The end of the bowl is in sight,
when I eat the last of my grapes.
With the juice still on my lips,
I meditate on the sweet taste,
lingering in the corners of my mind.

Every memory is a treasure at heart,
where growth is gently formed,
in the deep core of perseverance.
Whether we like it or not,
every moment in life is a learning process,
where we learn more about ourselves.

Fear is not the master of our faith,
nor is grieve the root for our future.
We overcome the darkest facets of ourselves,
when confrontation is not avoided,
but embraced with a heart of understanding.

To understand who we really are,
is understanding who God really is,
and wants to be inside of us.
The strength, wisdom and beauty,
that we pray for every single day,
is already present in our souls.

When we search for the treasures,
the gifts that God has hidden inside of us,
we learn that strength is always present,
that beauty is something we already possess,
and that wisdom is a tangible element of who we are.

In every aspect of our life,
gratitude is the only answer,
and love the only motivation,
we should be looking for.

The road of self-diiscovery

 

 

 

Broken Dreams

Broken dreams

As the fallen snow turns into ice,
the freezing cold blows me away,
forcing an ice-age into the summer,
where icicles melt in the desert heat,
and water is a burden instead of a relief.

My eyes hurt with burning pains,
the tears have turned into dry salt,
while fire burns my skin to the bone.
I’m blaming the snow-storm in the desert,
for its lack of interest in the growing pains.
Selfishness is always the beginning of nothing,
but when I search for something,
selfishness comes knocking at my door.

My life has never been my own,
no matter how I wrestled with the universe,
it never chose my side in the storm.
Now I’m fighting thin air on the steep slope,
beating me into the thick trees on the road.

As I lay down in the snow and pray,
the daisies cheer me up with their mandolin music,
and the sun warms my face with peace,
until Love breaks the centre of my soul,
and thick teardrops work its way down,
for the broken dreams I never wanted to give up.

Bring back my broken dreams,
and plant them in the ground,
to grow them into rose bushes.
So my dreams will never get lost in the snow,
and my teardrops are not a waste in the universe.
Give them a place in Your paradise,
so Your children can find their way home.

Broken dreams