In a hot air balloon
hanging
like a red rose
above my head
I oversee the land
my life
and all that is in it
Sheep
like needle points
Houses
like small pebbles
and roads like
an effortless stitch
on an embroidered patchwork
On the ground
I only see the threads
but up here
I finally understand
where life is taking me
I lift up a song
spread my wings
and get carried
on the soft wind
of God’s Spirit
My eyes see colors
I have never seen before
and the longer I sing
the more I know
that singing brings me
so much closer to God
than I have ever been before
So I sing
from the depth
of my soul
until every note
has made it
to God’s throne!
Be brave enough to love,
more than you ever loved yourself.
By putting someone else first
you learn to forget yourself,
and all the problems,
you keep carrying around.
It is the other at number one,
that allows you to breathe,
and to learn how to trust,
humanity all over again,
after life came crashing down.
Be brave enough to love,
because not everybody is the same,
and the next person you meet,
could feel the same way about you,
putting you first in all you do.
So, be brave to take that step,
to give love without asking it back.
“Jesus wept.”
John 11: 35 (NIV)
It is the shortest sentence in the entire bible. Jesus wept. He wept over Marta. Over Mary. Over His friend Lazarus, who just died. And He cried over the pain of the people surrounding Him. He cried. He feels their pain!
This morning, I was studying this bible verse when the Lord asked me a question. It caused an earthquake in my soul. Jesus asked me, “How often have you read this and not cared?” Ouch, that one hurt. It did not hurt because I felt a reprimand from Him, but it hurt because I knew, He was right! And I started to write down all my thoughts in my journal. Thoughts I want to share with you now.
I have read this too many times and did not care, to be honest. Because my own grief was too big to notice it. Because I was surviving pain and anxiety every day of my life. Because I was still dragging the past along with me on my shoulders. Today however, I did notice it! Today was the first day when I noticed how wrong I was about my Lord and Savior!
You know, I always thought Jesus did not really care about me, my feelings, or my problems. There was simply too much of it. And in my own self-pity, as I was drowning in a pool of darkness, I did not notice the hand that was stretched out to me. I did not notice the tears that were shed on my behalf. Jesus ‘hand. Jesus tears. But I see it now! I see it so clearly. And it may have taken me a while, but I have grabbed His hand, and I have let Him pull me out of my darkness.
Jesus cares! He cares so much more than we could ever imagine. He is not a distant God that watches us from a throne on high, shaking His head over our inadequacy! No! He cares so much about us that He cries! He cries over our pain, our grief, and our anxiety. And today He is still reaching out to us! Desperate for us to know Him, come to Him, and be saved!
Give Him a chance! Jesus cannot help if we do not allow Him to. He reaches His hand out to you, and to me, but it is up to us to grab it! So, I am writing this today to urge you to grab His hand. Let Him save you! Let Him fill your heart and soul with His abounding love and peace! I can safely say, you will not regret it!
The first day of March,
I notice the first buds,
on the dead-looking plants.
The first signs of spring,
waiting to bloom,
in all her colors.
It reminds me that,
even when life seems hopeless,
when the days are grey,
and my heart feels dull,
there is new life waiting to grow,
and new chances waiting,
for me to find them.
It reminds me,
there is always hope!
In a world,
so full of herself,
love is forgotten,
and the young one,
only knows herself.
Allow the eyes,
to be opened.
Allow the heart,
to bloom in a garden,
with more flowers,
than just one.
In an embrace,
we can find,
so much more,
than our own heart.
In one embrace,
in one act of love,
we can find,
the whole world,
in bloom.
The sun shines on the earth,
and touches my cheeks,
with the warmth of her light.
I hear birds singing songs.
I see flowers grow,
in a million different colors,
dancing on the music,
of God’s joyful wind.
Butterflies are born in my heart,
and released on the words,
of my poetic prayers.
Heaven is a beautiful place,
where the light never dims,
and humans never fight.
Where hunger does not exist,
illness has no place to live,
and children never grow old,
without the love of a parent.
I see a world better than my own,
where my soul clearly knows,
the beatings of my own drum.
To see God in a ray of Holy Light,
smiling at me in my own dreams,
is a delight I never took for granted.
But to see it with my own eyes,
is a dream I cannot wait to happen.
Out of control are the thoughts,
which cannot be controlled.
I search for peace in a chaotic world,
and cry myself asleep at night,
in the darkness of the earth.
I long to rest on the wings of a robin,
and lean against her orange chest,
listening to her heartbeat,
that so easily rocks me to sleep.
Snow falls unexpectedly,
and I enjoy the silence of the world.
Only the echo of God’s voice,
reflected in the roots of nature,
released by the greens leaves of spring,
find their way to my mind,
and loosen the endorphins,
that have hidden for so long.
Once again, I sleep underneath,
the safe wings of a robin,
and listen to the music of her heartbeat,
echoing through this messy world.
In the silence of the moment,
when the walls close in on me,
and I hear my own heart scream,
I listen to the heartbeat of the Holy Spirit,
and the fire of His love,
finally sets me free.
“Do you ever just sit in silence?” I was asked this question last weekend. It is a powerful one. I answered that I did not. In fact I dislike silence. Silence makes me feel uncomfortable. I start to think about far too many things. Not to mention about all the feelings that pass through my heart. No! Silence is not for me!
How it happened? How it came to be that I dislike silence, even though I preached about it in many of my poetry? I think, due to the traumatic experiences in my past, it became my survival mechanism to fill every nook and cranny, every second of my life with sound. If there is music in the background, I can avoid whatever feeling or thought comes to mind. A very effective way to outrun myself, if I may say so myself. But it is a funny thing how, as a writer, I can write about so many things, while I do not accept any of the words myself. Maybe, that is the reason I have not had much success as a writer yet. I write a lot, but when it comes down to it, I do not write about the things that I struggle with. I have used so many pretty words, but it never really changed who I am. There I said it.
The poetry is still excellent, but when I was asked that question, I was confronted with myself. For the first time in what seems forever, I could not outrun myself. As a matter of fact, it was Jesus himself who asked me this question. Jesus stopped me in my tracks as I turned on the radio once again to fill the void with sound. It was His voice booming in my heart. It was His voice that asked me, “Do you ever just sit in silence?” Even my chaotic, ever-avoiding mind stopped at the moment He asked me. That moment, that question came like an arrow through my heart, everything stopped.
Even my answer is still ringing in my mind like an alarm that is trying to remind me that something is wrong. “No”, I said, “I do not like silence.” It was out before I knew it. But that is the thing, sometimes when the truth cannot hide any longer, we cannot prevent it from coming out, especially with Jesus. We cannot avoid the reality. We can hide it for a little while, but the truth will always come out! So, there I was, in my pajamas, in my bedroom, looking around at what just happened. And just like that, the soft voice of my Lord and Savior filled my heart again ever so gently, “I know, that is the problem.”
That is indeed the problem! Sometimes you need the only person who will never hide the truth from you, to stop you, turn you around, and say it just as it is. In my case, that is Jesus. He is the only one who will drop the bomb of truth on the house of my heart when I need it.
The problem with silence is that it forces me to face myself. I am the only person, I am desperately trying to avoid. Why? I do not always like myself, I hate my anxiety disorder, and last but not least I have felt like a big disappointment my entire life. I am the one, I am trying to outrun. But outrunning myself will never help me to change, and grow as a woman. In fact, it has even been preventing me from writing lately. I am realizing, I need the silence from time to time. I need to turn off my radio, CD-player, and my phone. I need to grab a cup of tea or coffee, sit down somewhere in the silence. It is the silence that allows God to speak to my heart. It is the silence that allows my heart to deal with the situations I have not dealt with yet. It is the silence that allows my mind to get creative. This I read in the book ‘Atomic Habits’ by James Clear. It is the silence where the magic happens.
So, here I am. Trying to take a moment of reflection. I take a good look at myself and determine that outrunning myself is not helping me. I have to embrace the silence, and when I am at it, I have to embrace myself. No more running away of how I feel. No more escaping myself when it is time to face who I am. I embrace silence. Or at least I try.
In this fast-paced-world we live in today, I believe not many people embrace silence. I think, many outrun themselves just like me. In today’s society we have to be somebody, our life needs to go somewhere, preferably somewhere rich and fancy. When in fact, what we really need is a moment of silence. A moment where the world stops, and allows us to breathe. We need to breathe. We need to let go of that perfect picture the world is creating in our mind. We need to let go! We need to breathe, and be ourselves. We need silence to figure out who we are and where we are going.
So, I am asking you to take a break! I am asking you to go to the kitchen, make yourself a cup of tea or coffee. I want you to walk to a place in your house where you can be alone. Are you there? Good! Now, for the next five minutes, embrace the silence. Whatever feeling or thought comes to you, let it happen. Let your tears fall, let your frustration be present for a moment. Feel the contentment, the gratitude fill your heart and mind. And if you need it. Say the name ‘Jesus. Just say His name. He is there with you, in the silence. You are not alone! Sometimes we need silence. So, embrace it! Embrace this wonderful moment of serenity! You deserve it!
An autumn rain of yellow leaves,
celebrates the season in my soul,
and waits for winter to come.
I look up at the clouds in the sky,
where one lost butterfly passes by.
I reach out my hand to Heaven,
trying to grasp the hand of God,
as in the painting of Michelangelo,
but in my case with clothes on.
Words can come in many ways,
like arrows that pierce your soul,
or an uplifting consolation,
that makes you happy,
but the words of God are both.
Two in one, they pierce my soul,
and fill my heart with indescribable joy.
I wish, I could explain what it is like,
to hold the hand of God,
but it is an experience to be discovered.
It is an adventure to be lived,
that can only be felt,
by the one brave enough to face Him.
My heart pierces with love,
and my gratitude rises up like smoke,
from a burnt offering I made,
in the heart of the Lord’s Temple.
The feeling of my bare feet walking,
on the golden, glass floor of Heaven,leading me to God’s throne,
is an indescribable joy,
that still fills my heart and makes it whole.
I wish, I could tell you what it’s like,
but you have to discover it for yourself,
and I challenge you to give it a go.
Allow God to walk into your life,
so, you can walk into Heaven,
with a pure heart and a clear mind,
to learn about the love,
only God can show.
Gineke van Keulen 