Shades of crimson red – I stretch out my hand, to be covered in blood. Hues of gold intertwine, with the branches of the vine, where grapes spill juice, that lands like dew on my face. My moist lips taste like honey, surprising me, with the many sensations, my mind has to process. My arms embrace myself, to give warmth to my heart, confused with the aromas, tickling my nostrils. Dizzying is the information, I receive in this short, but powerful moment in time. My eyes are unable to focus, on the essential elements, trying to seek my attention. So, I close my eyes, empty my mind, and shut my ears, to become one with silence, where I hear you speak, in the soft whisper, in the silent breeze. In order to find my way, I must learn to trust, that the right way, will eventually, find me!
When the land is in sight, after an endless journey, my heart fills with joy, until I remember, that the last steps, are usually the hardest. With the sweat on my brow, I cry silent tears, in my hopeless heart. Is it a fata morgana? An illusion in my mind? In the extreme exhaustion, my heart becomes confused, wondering whether I had it right. Was this the land, the land that God asked me to go to? Or was I mistaken, wrong about everything I thought, God spoke to me in dreams? I pray, first silently, then louder and louder, until my heart screams, “Why have you forsaken me”? The inches I walk become slower, until I stand still in awe of myself, my misunderstanding, my hopes and dreams in something, that might never be. So, now I am at a crossroad. Wondering whether to continue, this extreme endurance, or whether to go back, to the life I knew before. I do not know… So, I wait for the silent whisper, gently encouraging me, to put my one foot, in front of the other, in blind courage, in blind faith, of an invisible God, a promise I cannot see, a situation that seems, impossible. Faith is like a mustard seed, that fell into the ground, and died. As my heart is slowly dying, I know a tree will spring up, in the depth of my heart, with strong roots, able to conquer any storm. Looking around this endless desert, I still see the small houses, shimmering at the horizon, and no matter how impossible it may seem, I know, all I have to do is believe, that those houses, no matter how unreal they seem, are put there for me. Victory comes to those, who choose to go on, when everything inside, tells them to give up! So, I choose victory, in whatever form it comes, so that one day I can tell, a world of disbelief, that the Spirit kept me going, when I could not belief. To God be the glory, for He was with me!
The blurred window shows, only a glimpse of what is seen, behind the front door of my house. Colors of blue and green alternate, releasing a spiritual sensation, in the quiet corners of my heart. I want to approach it, feel the texture of the uneven glass, as if my hand can reach through it. I want to open the door, run outside on my bare feet, to feel the soft grass tickle my toes. But something stops me. Something holds my feet, and all I can do is press my forehead, gently against the cold glass. Hesitation is the essence of doubt, which is the beginning of fear. I have to choose. The choice of trust leads me, on the greatest adventures. The choice of fear leads me, to an impasse in my life. Even when my hands tremble, or when my heart is filled with doubt, I open the door with the blurred window – A symbolism of the future. Because sometimes our future, is like opening a door with a blurred window. All you can see is the outlines and colors, the essence of what it has to be, but you cannot see the full picture. All you can do is trust. Trust the outcome. Trust your own ability, your own beautiful self. All you can do is take the first step, knowing that fear is the lie, we tell when we doubt ourselves. To take a step is to make a choice. To make a choice is asking yourself, this one single question, do I really trust myself?
This photograph is mine. If you want to use it, please ask and give credit! Thank you!
A storm in a glass of water,
maybe that was all I had to endure,
but for me it was a tornado,
a giant flood overwhelming me.
I needed the world to stop,
for my life to come to a halt.
I needed panic to take me over,
and fear to pierce a way through my heart.
In order for us to become stronger,
we first have to become weaker.
For strength can only enter our soul,
if it defeats all the negative inside us,
and diminishes our fears and doubts.
When the mind grows stronger,
it allows our faith to grow,
so we can learn to trust ourselves.
Like a seed in the dark earth,
first has to die,
in order to bloom in its brightest colors,
that is how our dark hearts,
first has to die inside of us,
in order to become strong and invincible.
When we are willing to face our fear,
we are able to defeat them in the battle.
If we are willing to work on ourselves,
the victory of self-growth will be ours.
The lesson of strength,
has been the most valuable in my life,
for it has taught me,
that when you do not give up,
anything is possible.
The key is to put one foot in front of the other,
to breathe one breath at the time,
to force your heart to keep on beating,
when the darkness seems to engulf you.
But the greatest help in this process,
was a man on a cross,
who rose from the dead,
and who believed in me,
long before I did.
The road to pure strength,
goes through deep dark valleys,
and over high mountains,
but at the end of the road,
the prize of self-love,
understanding, wisdom, and confidence,
is worth everything!
Photo: taken by myself at a bamboo forest in France in 2014!
The sky is grey and gloomy,
the earth is covered in black and white,
and nature has never been this mystical.
Arches form doors to different realms,
as mountains enclose the waters.
I follow the river to the end of the horizon,
in order to find the end of my dream.
Heavy burdens way me down,
but my wings are still strong enough,
to keep me floating above the clear water.
Angels guide me along my journey,
and the Spirit leads me along the way.
All I must do is follow His guidance,
with a trust greater than the doubts in my heart.
Now I know that life is not about the dream,
but about learning to keep yourself floating,
in world that is too often black and white.
Gineke van Keulen 