My Father’s Garden

The poem ‘My Father’s garden’ is based on a vision I had. I was 29 years old and one night, as I was laying in bed, I got a vision from God. In this vision I saw myself in a secluded place. The grass was greener than I have ever seen. Trees with green leaves were in a quarter of a circle and green bushes were standing in front of the trees. It was a sea of green.

In the centre was a long white (French garden set like) table. It was huge and could easily seat 12 people but there were only 3 chairs. One at the head, two on either side. I was sitting on one of the seats but not the one at the head! I was dressed in a white robe, one like Jesus always wears in pictures. My hair was dark brown and my eyes had this amber-brown color. My face was so white, as if I had a lightbulb in my head that was turned on. My face was literally glowing (read; giving light). I was so shocked by my beauty. And not just my beauty. I looked so happy. Happier than I have ever been on earth. I was filled with joy. The person I saw didn’t look half as much as I am today. I was so shocked by this perfection that I pushed the vision away.

Now I am truly sad that I stopped the vision. I would love to see it once more and take a closer look at myself. I saw myself through God’s eyes. God showed me what He sees. Around the same time God gave me the name; Batyah, which means ‘Daughter of God’. (I have talked about this story in a previous blog) When I woke up the next morning I wrote a poem about my experience. To me this poem is a treasure. A memory of something beautiful. It was God’s way of saying: “I love you and to Me, you are absolutely perfect. To Me you are my beloved little girl”.

My Father’s garden

Watching through a camera,
the lens provides a new picture.
A new world…an unknown place.
Where green trees make a secluded garden,
green bushes bring rest to the soul.
She dwells in green pastures.
Her home is peace,
She’s dressed in truth.

A white table provides three chairs,
One for her…she is already seated,
One for the Son….He will come,
One for the Father….He is already there.
Never leaving her side,
His angels keep her laughing,
For joy is the essence of the garden.

The lens provides a perfect world,
where all the cultures are united.
Peace is the law,
joy is life,
and love your greatest company.

Dressed in white, Her body is alight.
Her dark brown hair points out Her amber eyes.
I want to touch Her face….my face.
I want to braid Her hair…my hair.
I want to look like Her…but I’m looking at myself.

The lens shows a different view,
I am looking through the eyes of my Father,
A promise…a place…a Daughter.
My Father’s garden…my home.

The challenges of fear

Fear is a weird emotion. In one way fear protects us when we are in trouble. When danger is looming and our instinct sends signals to our mind. A signal warns us and we get this ominous feeling inside, we get afraid. Somehow we need this kind of fear to remain alert. But sometimes fear walks out of hands. We cannot shake it off anymore. This is the other side of fear. A fear that is in our way. It became our enemy that we are fighting against every single day.

fear

Fear is a mechanism to protect us in times of danger but if we don’t  control it, it can become our greatest enemy. An enemy so difficult to get rid off that we need the help of therapists and psychologists and even then it is unclear whether we can ever truly overcome it.

But often the fear is not the greatest issue. The greatest issue with fear is the way our environment is dealing with it. If you are lucky, you have people around you who support you. Who cheer you on and help you with your anxiety. This is an ideal picture because in 80% of the cases it is the other way around. In so many of the cases people don’t understand. In their misunderstanding, they wonder why you just cannot get over it. Why you simply cannot ignore it. Why you are making such a problem of something that isn’t even scary or true. They get annoyed with you. Tired of all the times you bring it up again, as if it really is a personal choice. Often the people who should support us most, are our worst enemies, if it comes up to fear. Not because they want to be, or are, but because they don’t understand!

‘Just because you are not afraid, doesn’t mean somebody else cannot be’. 

For people who live with anxiety and fear, compassion and kindness is more than welcome. People who live in fear never made the choice to live this way. Things happened in life that hurt them so much. All there is left is fear.

Let me tell you about my personal situation. I have been diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder, in short it means that I have multiple fears at multiple places in my life. Growing up, I never had teachers who believed in me, in fact teachers saw me as a dumb girl and in my last class before going to middle (or High) school, they literally told me and my parents this. At home I was overprotected. My parents meant well but it had negative consequences for the future. I never had true friends. I was bullied. Even grown ups, who I was supposed to trust, turned against me. I have been through a lot. To deal with all of this and to improve myself, I have done 2 assertivity trainings, 1 anxiety course, I have had 3 psychologist and 1 therapist. Trust me, I have done my fair share of work to get rid of the fear. And still the fear is inside of me. Not because I choose to but because therapies either didn’t work or because they had a really bad effect on me. Life can be brutal to all of us, but sometimes we find ourselves in a place where letting go of the past isn’t as simple as it sounds.

And even now I have to say that the fear itself has never been my greatest hurt. My greatest hurt has been the way people deal with it. As a teenager I was very insecure. I was a wall-flower, a little grey mouse desperately trying to make herself invisible. It happened so often that, instead of supporting me, people took advantage of me by making fun of me. The times I have been made fun of, or laughed at, I cannot count them anymore. At home I was in a safe environment, where my parents, brothers and sisters-in-law definitely tried to help me, but out there in the world, I was an easy victim. Internship supervisors, grown ups who should know better, made fun of me and even bullied me. I was only 16-19 years old and I didn’t have the tools to stand up for myself as I have them right now. But it created a deep infectuous wound in my soul that I am still trying to mend.

All I ever needed was love, compassion and a helping hand but all I received was indifference. It is the very reason why I am writing this blog today. I want to make a plea to the world. Don’t hurt people with fear. Try to understand that some of us have a problem that we didn’t create and cannot overcome.

‘Instead of ridiculing people with fear, we should lend a helping hand’!

We cannot take the fear away. We cannot make the insecurity less, but we can be friendly. A smile is one of the easiest ways to make a person feel comfortable. A smile is a kiss of love that your heart gives to a stranger!
Greeting someone is not that difficult and can make such a difference. Simply saying ‘Hello’ to someone, even when we don’t like them, can make someone feel welcome and wanted. A feeling this person maybe never felt. People always feel that in order to make a difference in the world, they have to do missionary work in Afrika or Asia. But the greatest difference you can make is right where you are.

Love, kindness and compassion are not that difficult, it just takes a willing heart!

If you read this blog, can I challenge you to be a little kinder to shy, insecure people and to people who are dealing with fear? Can I challenge you be kind to them and to help them? Can I challenge you to stop making fun of people? Trust me, with a little bit of kindness you can make such a big difference in a person’s life!

My kindness came from my last internship supervisor. A lady who went out of her way to give me a little bit of strength. After all of the unkind, and sometimes even mean, supervisors, she was a breath of fresh air. She taught me to stop seeing myself as a failure. She taught me perseverance. Don’t give up when you make a mistake but try again until you can do it. She made me feel one of a team, something I hadn’t felt…ever! She made a difference. A difference I will never forget!

A short but sweet love poem

I love you!

If my spirit is attached to you,
with one single thread,
If my eyes cry tears,
for those I never met,
If my eyes long to see you,
if it were only once,
then the covenant still stands,
our hearts remain as one!

If the smell of spices touches me,
a taste that only you can blend,
If pomegranates tell stories,
that only I can understand,
If music is a heartbeat,
only beating your drum,
then our love is like a bride,
waiting for the groom to come!

On the balcony of dreams,
I am always looking out for you,
for none could ever love me more,
then only you can do.
I love you!

In my Father-heart I see you

Today I really want to share this poem with you. A couple of years back, I asked God the Father in prayer how He really felt about me. I asked Him to be completely honest! I didn’t just want Him to share with me all the good but also (and especially) all the bad parts about me. I really wanted Him to be as honest as He could possibly be. A short while after I prayed this, God the Father quoted this poem to me. A special poem that surprised me and filled me with love. The reason I am sharing this poem with you is because I know that God loves you so much. I hope this poem will show you just that! God loves you and in His loving Father-heart, He sees you, He loves you and He cherishes you. You are so worthful to Him. You are so precious that He gave up His only Son just so He could have a connection with you! God loves you! And that is the most important message ever!

In My Father-heart I see you

A spirited energy flows within you,
a willpower to succeed in your mission,
but the flesh is weak where the mind is willing.
How long will you fight for Me this endless battle?
My heart aches when I look at you,
and My mind slips back to who you once were.

Heart of My heart, filled with My light,
I still hear your laughter fill the heavens with joy.
Quick little girl – prettier than the stars – you are,
your eyes sparkled with delight and peace.
I still see you sit on My lap eager to learn,
your wisdom excelled in your trust,
but you were oblivious to it.

The joy in your eyes when your Brother was near,
made my Father heart beat faster, overflowing with love.
Your love for Him grew with each shared moment,
inseparable you were with Him wherever he went.
How could I have ever punished you in your mistakes,
when all you wanted was to innocently brighten the room?

How could I ever show My tears to you today,
when I feel the pain of your struggles in My own heart?
My dearly beloved daughter it would hurt you too much.
So I keep them in the shadows for all I want is your joy,
your unexplainable delight spread like sunbeams across the world.
Let them see how much you love Me.

Always shy yet protective like a warrior,
My honor means more to you than your life,
you’d give it up in a heart-beat, if I would ask you to.
But remember – my child – the day your brother Yeshua died,
My heart breaks at the thought of having to give you up also.
So give your joy for My tears and your love for Mine.

When I look at you, past and present collide,
fusing with the future I have in store for you.
My plan is unshakable, unmovable like a mountain.
That little girl from long before the world began,
still lives deep inside your soul, hidden for the world.
Let her come out and play once again so the heavens rejoice,
and the world will see My light in you.
In my Father-heart I see you.

These are pictures of me as a young child. Probably between 0 – 2 years old.
(these photographs are mine and cannot be used without permission!)

In Anguish – a Psalm

In Anguish – A Psalm

 In anguish I have called You,
pleading for mercy in front of Your throne.
But Your mind was made up.
Your resolution like a staff,
firm in Your hands.

 Sometimes Your love hurts,
like an embrace during intense grief.
And yet it is to comfort me.

 I wish the rain would trickle down,
and wash all my tears away in the stream.
Now the earthquakes shake up my heart,
awakening the dawn after a tumultuous night.
Will peace ever relief my temple Father?
Will paradise ever be in the palm of my hand?

 Trust is a floating device,
one that I desperately hold on to,
when it feels like I am on a sinking ship.
So I burn a candle for You Father,
to send my prayers up in the smoke,
where You will hear it like a loud call.

 I bow down in humility,
for I am an obedient servant.
Whether or not I am a queen,
I am first of all Your daughter.
Send me Father and I will go.
Speak to me and I will listen.

 My life is Yours alone,
mold me into Your masterpiece.
Let the Heavens rejoice in Your glory,
and worship Your name forever,
for Your plans will never fail,
Your almighty hand will never weaken.

 One day Your children will stand side by side,
united in Your glorious presence Father.
Until then my love will never lessen,
and my soul will only grow stronger in Your light.

Let our dream be our love,
in Yeshua our deepest delight.
And when my anguish has changed into joy,
my identity will shine like the sun,
fulfilling the purpose of Your great plan.
Revealing the loving glory of You,
my Father, my Heart and my Life.

 Father,
In Your hands I command my spirit.

 

When a chapter ends a story

This is a new poem I wrote. I hope you like it!

When a chapter ends a story

When a chapter ends a story,
a swimmer dives from a diving board,
into a deep ocean of gardenia petals,
until the sun sets at the horizon,
and the night falls in love with the dawn.

The love of a hundred puppies,
is so much more than life alone.
How overwhelming the Light is,
in the midnight sky.

When a chapter ends a story,
the writer provides another book.

Love is free of charge.
Joy is a gift of undeniable love,
but receiving is a choice,
left for the receiver.

A silver heart necklace around your neck,
is a reminder of eternal gratitude.
And the postcard view of destiny,
a solid proof of Paradise.

The rose blooms

The rose blooms

Tears bring forth joy.
Through the ashes of pain,
a rainbow colors the horizon –
hope is a glimmering in the sky.

When pain scars the heart,
screams whisper in silence,
until the earth breaks into an earthquake –
relief is the essence of tears.

An ocean of tears fills one heart,
but only through the sunshine,
the rain falls down like shimmering stars,
and the rose blooms in full bloom.

*When my mother passed away last Friday, I never thought that I would ever be able to write again. For how do you find the words in such times of grieve? How do you find the words when the woman who was your greatest love and support has gone to Jesus?
You don’t. God gives them to show you His presence and everlasting love. I am not alone! And there is a golden light at the horizon!

Redemption

Redemption (the poem) is based on a dream that I had a couple of days ago.

In my dreams I was running through a city. Someone was chasing me but I didn’t really know who. I tried to get away but was unsuccessful in my efforts. In order to escape I ran to a stairway that lead down to a dark and scary subway station. For me it felt like the only way out.

Two steps down the stairs I stopped. In the corner of my eye I noticed a little white-blue songbird. The bird looked like a blue tit without the yellow chest. He was only blue and white colored and he had a little white tuft on his head. He was a very cute little guy!

The little bird tilted his head and looked at me with curiosity and sympathy in his eyes. With one single look he touched my heart.

Even though I was afraid, I did bend over and let the little guy hop onto my hand. He immediately started to peck between my fingers but it didn’t hurt me. After he was done with my right hand, he hopped over to my left until he seemed done. He then hopped into the palm of my hand where I could take a closer look at him.

Suddenly I noticed a black tick on my pointer finger. Left untreated, the bite of a tick can be deadly so I panicked. But before I could act, the little bird pecked at the tick and flew away.

As I was looking for signs of bite marks, the tick disappeared. In its place came a smiley face (like an emoji) that was branded into my skin. Slowly the panic left my heart and peace took its place. Then a little soft whisper in my heart said, “You are safe”.

In my dream the little white-blue bird saved me. The entire day I kept meditating on this dream. In the afternoon I felt the urge to write a poem about it. When I did, things became much clearer to me. The little white-blue bird represents the Holy Spirit. When we are in danger or at a place in our life that is not good for us, the Holy Spirit is with us to help us. But it is up to us to notice Him and invite Him into our lives. When we do, He will take all that is dirty, all that is dangerous and all that will hurt us away from us. The black tick represents evil. The Holy Spirit will peck at evil as long as it takes evil to leave us alone. It is the Holy Spirit that will always help us and stand by us, no matter where we are in life. He does this because Jesus died for our sins and rose from the dead. If we believe in Jesus we receive the Holy spirit to stand by us at all times. This is what redemption really is. Jesus loves us so much that He will do whatever He can to save us. The Holy Spirit is the Mighty Helper who will comfort us and give us strength. In order to stand firm in this life, we need them both!

Redemption

On a wild chase,
the city lost me,
and the only escape,
leads me down the stairs,
of a dark subway station.

Descending the stairs,
I find you,
and your curious sympathy,
touches me.

 Movement runs fast,
in fear it is uncontrollable,
but your steps are premeditated,
and your motions are effortless.

Unafraid is your heart,
diligent your observation.

A little white-blue bird you are,
resting in the palm of my hand.

As you fly away on the wind,
my fingertips turn into a smile,
the sign of your everlasting redemption.

 

 

 

Holy Dove

Holy Dove

Gentle like a dove,
He whispers hope,
to move my heart,
with words of wisdom

My heart dances,
at the sound of His voice,
whispering love,
with the song of a dove.

I hear you!
Keep talking.
Never will You leave me,
my everlasting helper.

I see You!
Stay with me.
Allow me the joy,
of Your everlasting presence.

Your white blanket,
that shines like the sun,
shows me Your holiness,
and takes my heart,
to higher grounds.

My Holy Dove,
whisper support,
give hope to my heart,
and help me,
to find my way.

Let me stay in the Light,
of Your comforting wings.

This poem is dedicated to the Holy Spirit. My honor for His love, wisdom and guidance!

 

 

Between the lines

For the past seven years, I have dedicated my life to writing poetry (and every other word that God gives me). Though I write mostly for myself, I have always had my focus on the reader. What would the reader need most? What would God want the reader to know? And even though this is not a bad concept, I have learned something more valuable over the years.

Over the years I have written over 250 English-languaged poems (and a handful of Dutch ones), give or take. Poems that contain a piece of God and a piece of myself. Whether God quoted it or I wrote it. It has always been a partnership where God receives all the credit. And for me, it works! For me it is the most functional way of working and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

During the years I have been through a lot. Not just the past seven years but ever since childhood. All of these struggles have found a way into my poetry. Don’t misinterpret these words though, because my poetry is not a summery of misery. With the struggles, God always handed me the solutions whether I was ready for it or not. I know the solution can sometimes overwhelm you and make you feel as if you will never be able to accomplish it. Therefore God often gives long-term solutions. Solution you can grow into as time passes by. Every day is a learning process. We are not expected to succeed in a day, week or year. God knows how long we need and that is the exact time he gives us.

Since my poetry has always treasured the solutions, they have always been my greatest comfort in times of need. Whenever I felt sad, lonely, frustrated or confused, the Holy Spirit would most often lead me to my own poetry. Between the lines I fely comfort, answers, peace and the love of my Heavenly Father. Reading these poems and feeling the great comfort they bring me, even though I wrote them myself, installed a greater understanding deep within my soul.

‘When the work you do for God heals you more than others, you’ve done something right!’

Isn’t it true that when God calls us to work in His Kingdom, we are so extremely focused on others. We need to save the world, heal mankind and bring them safe and sound into the arms of Jesus. But what if Jesus has a greater message for us than for others through the work we do? Aren’t we missing out on something?

I see so many of us make that mistake. We are so focussed on teaching that we forget to be taught. We are so focused on helping that we forget to be helped. We are so focussed on loving that we forvet to be loved. We so easily forget ourselves. How wonderful it is to know that even though we forget ourselves, God does not. He sees us and loves us. And through His everlasting love He wants to teach us every day, face to face, in the most personal way. And sometimes we don’t need to cross oceans to find it. The greatest lessons we learn are in our own handwriting. All we need is to be reminded of it.