Daughter of God

This blog is another piece of my story. It started in January, when I was 29 years old. That one particular afternoon I was contemplating life. After my whole story had played like a film through my mind, I said to God, “Why did all of this happen to me? Why did you give me this life?” I didn’t close my eyes or fold my hands, I didn’t sit in a specific praying position, none of that. All I did was look up, with my eyes wide open and from speak from the deepest bottom of my heart. Not expecting an answer, I was very surprised when I did receive one. I heard an audible voice, the same one I heard in the past, who said, “God’s daughter, daughter of God”. That’s it.

All over the new testament, it is written that through Jesus Christ, through His sacrifice, we are called Children of God. Since I am a christian, I believe all that. However, I felt as if God was taking one more step. As if He wanted to say, “Yes, you are my child through Jesus, but you are also really my child”. Myself, I did not want to go that far. I could believe that I was a sinner saved by grace, but not that I was God’s own child. So I dismissed God’s words to me. All I was willing to accept out of His words was, that my life went the way it did because I was a follower of Jesus, a child of God through the cross. Nothing more, nothing less.

In April however I got a vision. One that completely overwhelmed me. I saw a green place. Green grass, green trees with green bushes in front of it. It was a secluded place with a long white (French garden style) table, with at the head tree chairs. I saw myself sitting on one side, on a chair. I looked different. My face seemed to glow, as if it was giving light, my eyes were brown, instead of blue/grey. My hair was dark brown, instead of grey/blond, and I had a fringe (which I haven’t had since I was a child!) and curlier hair than my straight hair now. My lips seemed a little thinner. My body frame was more petite. I cannot explain it really. It looked like me but at the same time I looked completely different. However I did recognize myself. I thought, I looked stunning. I was smiling and looked so happy. In fact, I looked so perfect that I didn’t know what to do with it. I felt to much of a sinner to be that girl. I guess in a way, I felt ashamed of myself. So I shook my head and pushed the vision, that God gave me, away. God showed me the way that He sees me, but somehow I wasn’t ready to accept that.

Throughout the following months I would get more visions and poems from God. Visions that felt like memories that were stored in my mind long before I was born. I had a vision about God creating the planets. I saw exactly what materials He used to create them. I saw a waterfall that is located somewhere in Heaven. The waterfall streams down from a giant rock into a small lake. I saw the city (The New Jerusalem) that has a small stream on either side with willows beside the streams. I saw a particular animal that doesn’t exist here on earth, a dear but than it was full-grown as big as a baby-deer. I saw a secluded garden with stone walls around it, which felt like a centre of peace, with rose trees. You know those little rose bushes but these rose trees were as tall as a apple tree. And it had a small fountain at the centre, with a bench (old roman style), where you could sit down and enjoy the serenity of the moment. and I saw many more. I never talked about it with anyone, not even my parents. Some I wrote down in poetry, some I didn’t write down at all and some were stored in my heart where it felt safe.

In November I was on the internet searching for names and their meaning. For some reason I have always been curious about that. For example, the name Gineke means Queen. Haha, who new! My parents certainly did not when they chose my name!
This time I was searching Hebrew names. I had found a list and started with the letter A. When I came to the names beginning with the letter B, the name Batyah jumped out right away. The meaning of the name Batyah is, God’s daughter, daughter of God. At that moment it didn’t hit me, but a few months later, in January, it did. It was exactly a year (12 months) ago when God had spoken to me. That day I suddenly put all the pieces together. Batyah was exactly what God had told me a year before. Batyah is me.

Think of it whatever you want. For me, it took me another 7 months before I was willing to accept that name. And even though God gave me a new name that year, I stick with my old one. Batyah is a name for Heaven, that’s what it feels like to me. On earth I am Gineke, and I am more than okay with that. I think what is more important, is that God loves me and sees me as His child. And all in the end, through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ we are just that. If God wants to call me Batyah then I am okay with that. If God wants to call me Gineke, that’s okay too. As long as He loves me, I am pretty much fine with whatever He chooses. Because His love is the fuel to my existence. It is what keeps me going when life gets tough. His love is more important to me. To me, it is everything!

The reason why I am sharing this story, is because God has the same message for you. Whatever way you see yourself, in God’s eyes you are perfect. You are God’s child and you are so loved. The love God has for you, trust me, you cannot even begin to fathom it. It is overwhelming!  When you look in the mirror today, please tell yourself that you are beautiful, loved and God’s child! Because that is the truth!

Painting a dreamscape

Painting a dreamscape

Inside a teardrop,
arms reach up to Heaven,
and nature trembles in pain,
until grieve breaks into silence –
turbid are the waters that cannot see.

Life is a universe,
where stars and galaxies pass us by,
and leave a trademark on our existence.
In an endless infinity I float on ice,
until the deepest water swallows me up.
Searching for the stars I strike my thunder.
Searching for the galaxy I make the rain.

How can life exist without creation?
How can creation exist without life?

I paint a night sky on a blank canvas,
so it won’t disappear from my sight.
Uncatchable is a dreamscape,
unpaintable are the stars in the night.
When the camera wants to frame the picture,
the vision decides to stay inside my mind.

Only when the quill softly touches the ink,
Divine secrets are told on parchment paper.

Between my fingertips

The poem I would like to share with you today is one very close to my heart. This poem is about the night I met Jesus in a dream. You know, I often work with God the Father, so those rare moments when Jesus communicates with me, are very special to me. I don’t know why I communicate more with the Father and the Holy Spirit but I am confident in the bond Jesus and I have, so I don’t really mind. But it fills my heart with pure joy when Jesus comes to me to have a chat or to show me something!

This night was one of those rare night I saw Him. In my dream I saw Jesus standing at a distance from me. It was just the two of us, there was nobody else there. So I thought by myself, why are you always at such a distance? (Yes there was a short period of time where it actually bugged me, but this dream changed all that!) Suddenly Jesus was gone and I panicked just a little. I panicked because it wasn’t my intention to push Him away, all I wanted was for Him to come closer! Then I felt a presence behind me and there He was. He came from behind me and walked to my side. Now He was actually standing right next to me. Our eyes locked. He stroke my head with His hand and the love I felt in that moment overwhelmed me. His love also ensured me that even though He is not always this close to my side, His love never changes! He will always love me and I will always have a place in His heart. It really felt as if He takes a polite distance to give the Father space to work with me. Nothing more, nothing less. And I really needed to know that. I needed to know that even though I do not always feel His presence, He still loves me anyway.

As I was looking into His eyes and He into mine, I desperately wanted to say something. But I could not find the words and neither did He. What happened next still kind of surprises me sometimes. For some weird reason I looked at His robe and thought, that must be so uncomfortable. For His robe looked like itchy wool. Then I reached out my hand and touched His robe. I took His robe between my fingertips and rubbed it very gently. I can tell you that I was very surprised by the softness of it. It felt very comfortable actually.

When I looked up again, into His eyes, I read a touch of worry in His eyes. He was worried about me and His worry reminded me of the worry my brothers sometimes have when they look at me. Looking back I understand His worry but at that particular moment it confused me. When I was fourteen years old and God the Father spoke to me in a dream, the Father told me that my coming future would be a difficult one. I believe that Jesus was very well aware, that I wasn’t out of the woods yet. I think it worried Him that I still had battles to fight. Why? Because He loves and cares about me. I matter to Him. And it is exactly that love of Jesus that fills me with joy, love and peace.

When I woke up, I wrote a poem about this dream. The reason I want to share the poem and the dream with you is, because Jesus loves you too! So much more than you are aware of. I see it as my duty to direct people towards the love of Jesus. To make them aware of the overwhelming love Jesus has in His heart for mankind. Words cannot explain His love for you and still I try to bring it to people through my poetry. Always remember that Jesus loves you. Open your heart and let Him in because He is more than worth it. I hope you like the poem. I hope it fills your heart with love, joy and peace in Jesus name.

Between my fingertips

I still feel the soft fabric,
gently between my fingertips.
Your eyes are imprinted in my soul,
how can I ever forget Your gentleness?
Not a word has to be spoken,
our minds are one.
And as the Spirit draws us closer together,
our bond is still the same,
Between You and me,
nothing has changed.

Your brother love exceeds,
it is a heart without boundaries.
Never will Your anger rain down on me,
or felt in any chamber of Your heart.
Your teachings are my guidelines,
wisdom is planted in my mind,
where it grows out of love for You.
I walk the roads of this world alone,
but in heaven I look out for You.
More are You to me than a Savior,
more than all the Kings of the earth,
more than all my brothers combined.

I still feel the soft fabric,
gently between my fingertips.
Your brotherly worries unspoken,
Your love speaks louder than any word could.
Not a soul knows our connection,
or the bloodline that keeps us attached.
The memories hold my heart,
when the distance becomes an obstacle.
All I need to know,
when my soul returns home,
that the fabric of Your robe,
is still between my fingertips.

 

The creation of the planets

The creation of the planets

When Your heart lights up,
and Your Spirit is released,
passion burns within You.
The crackling flames,
able to destroy,
everything on its path,
is controlled by the love,
blazing in Your eyes.

Where water flows,
restlessness sets in,
and life becomes a vortex.
But in Your hands,
water is salvation,
an oasis for the thirsty.
Flowing from Your throne,
water is a pool of love,
the calmth amidst the storm.

The earth in Your hands,
becomes Your masterpiece,
evolved from Your imagination.
As Your hands work,
without spilling a single grain,
water turns it into clay,
and fire into brimstone.
But earth itself is calmth,
a peaceful place to walk on.

Now the wind blows,
where the Spirit speaks,
causing change and renewal.
The wind without a leader,
is a vicious tornado,
ready to destroy.
But in Your hands,
wind becomes a helper,
a part of Your holy plan.

My eyes witness,
the interconnection,
of the four elements in Your hands.
Combined with Your own Light,
it lives, floats and turns,
into balls of different sizes.
And when my fingers,
gently push one into the cosmos,
I know that You showed me,
the creation of the planets.

(This poem is based on a vision I received from God)

Face to face with God

Many Christians and especially Christian Pastors are saying that a human being cannot see God and live. Last sunday in church I had to listen to these words once again. And even though I do not like to talk about it, I feel as if I have to. Because I saw God the Father face to face…and lived to tell the story!

Truly I tell you, I am not defending myself. All I want is to change people’s perspective a little. Because God is a God of love. He wants a personal relationship with people. That is why I am telling my story. Through this blog I am hand-delivering puzzle pieces of my life for you to put together. And whether or not you believe me, is entirely up to you.

It happened about two and a half years ago. As usual I was writing poetry when I received a vision from God. I saw myself walking at the hand of God the Father, Yahweh/Yahovah. We were walking across a path next to a forest and He was showing me things like birds and squirrels and such. As I was watching this I thought, Could I? In those two words I thought, Could I turn my head and see Him? Before I could finish my thought, in one bold move, I turned my head. To my own surprise I looked the Father straight in the eyes. I saw Him the way one would look at a photograph. He had white hair (platinum white, close to gold), a little like sheep wool and it went a little over His shoulder. His eyes stood out to me. His eyes were crystal blue and shimmering like the sun. His face had no wrinkles and yet I could see age in it. He looked young and old, both at the exact same time. His frame was thin maybe weak even. Yet at the same time, He looked stronger than anybody I had ever seen. Love was shining in His entire countenance. At the same time as love, I saw holiness and almightiness. He is literally all in one and one in all. And what surprised me most of all is that I could see a reflection of myself in His face. I saw the Almighty Creator of Heaven and Earth and at the same time…I saw my Father.

As the vision left me, I tried to write it down in poetry. But words can never truly define the Father. My words could and never will do Him justice!

Around the same time, perhaps a few months earlier, I ask God a question. As I have told you many times, I have been through a lot and I am still dealing with many things in my life. So I asked God one day, with all the honesty and sincerity in my heart, “Father, why did my life go the way it did? Why me? Why this way?” Immediately I heard God’s voice saying, “God’s daughter, daughter of God”. Even though I instantly understood what God was trying to say, I dropped the thought at once. Not me! Not I! But a couple of months later I had a vision where God showed me the way I look in Heaven. Again a couple of months later, as I was surfing the internet, I was looking up names and their meaning. I stumbled upon the name ‘Batyah’. The meaning of this name was, ‘God’s daughter, daughter of God. It didn’t hit me until exactly a year after I asked God my question. I am Batyah. It is a name/nickname that God has for me. It is the way He sees me! When He looks at me He sees His daughter. Not just any ordinary girl. What is very telling is that I have always considered myself a sinner saved by grace. I was a adopted into God’s family through the blood and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Nothing more nothing less. But here was God saying, “Yes you are, but you are also really my daughter. It got a complete new meaning for me. I wasn’t just one out of many. But for God I was His.

Like I said, I hardly ever talk about this. Probably more out of fear than out of humility. The fear of what people might say or think when I do talk about it. But I hope so much that telling my story will shift something inside your heart. I hope you will learn to see yourself as a true child of God. You are not just one out of many. For God you are His one and only. No accident but a carefully constructed plan by the Father Himself. He put all His effort, love and joy in creating you. You are truly loved. Don’t ever forget that!

May love guide your steps to eternal life!

The changing of the hour

This weekend we are turning the clock one hour back. The days are officially getting shorter, and slowly winter is approaching. But not yet, because autumn is still here in all his glory. I love autumn. The changing of the colors, leaves slowly falling down, candles are being lit again and somehow life becomes a little bit cozier. Or as we famously say in Dutch, ‘gezellig’.

This entire change reminded me of a poem that I wrote a year ago. It was autumn and the hour was going back in a couple of weeks and I felt as restless as I do today. I was impatient. Impatient to get started with my work for God. But God gave me a dream to let me know that I was still early. It wasn’t His time yet.

In fact I was so eager to start working, that I ignored God’s message and decided to get up early anyway, to start my days writing more than I did at the time. It was my plan to wake up at 7 am, whereas I usually woke up at 8 am or 8.30 am. Planning my days with chores and writing, I was set to begin my new regime. Ready to go, I set my alarm clock at 7 and went to sleep. It must have been November by that time. But when I woke up the next morning my alarm clock hadn’t sounded. I was 100% certain that I did set the alarm because I checked at least three times the night before! I didn’t wake up during the night either. That’s when I got a vision. I saw in my vision, that Jesus entered my room. He walk straight to my alarm clock and turned it off. After He turned it off, He gave me a kiss on my forehead and left. It wasn’t until a few months later that I realized, that not only did He turn off my alarm clock, His power also broke it down. My clock still functions perfectly, my alarm clock however just won’t budge. And my alarm clock stopped working after the morning that Jesus turned it off!

It was clear to me. I simply had to wait, no matter how difficult that was going to be. As all of this took place, I wrote a poem. The poem is about my deep love for the autumn season. But it is also about having to wait. We have to sit out the present season in our life, before the next season will begin. And sometimes that is really difficult. You are ready to move on, but the problems in your life simply won’t leave. You are ready to start a new career but nobody will take you on. You are ready to sell your house and start a new life elsewhere but your house doesn’t sell. Whatever it is, you are unable to move forward in your life. And that is difficult. It is as if you have to wait for the clock to change the hour. You stare at the pointers in the hope that they will go a little faster, if you just stare at it long enough. But slowly the minutes are ticking away. And frustrating is not helping you either! The clock isn’t changing the hour one minute faster if you get angry.

The only thing that really helps is taking your eyes off the clock. Focus on something else, temporarily. It is just like waiting in a waiting room at the doctor. What do you do until the doctor calls you in? You get a magazine and you read a little. Because time passes by much quicker if you focus on something other than the clock. In the same way, we have to switch our focus to something else in order to wait for God’s perfect timing. If we move to fast, things might go wrong and we can ruin God’s plan with us completely. Besides, God won’t budge anyway, and I can tell you that out of personal experience. If God wants you to wait, He will let you wait in whatever form or fashion, He sees fit.

Our impatience is a stumbling block in our way, but if we try to have patience, God might surprise us in a way, we could never have seen coming. Patience gives the opportunity to learn new lessons and see new things. If we would never have to wait, life would simply pass us by. We would never see the leaves changing color. We would never smell the sweet scent of cinnamon. We would never witness the beauty of a sunset. Patience is a life changer and an eye opener!

Here is the poem:

Early autumn

The chestnuts fall wherever they want.
Acorns lose their hats in the process.
The maple collects its juice for the next harvest.
A squirrel hides his food in the grand old oak.
Unshakable is the tree that bears her fruit.

The cinnamon apples spread their warm perfume.
Sweet is the scent that melts my heart.
The autumn sky embraces the strong cold winds,
but the fire in the hearth keeps me warm.

When the honey sweetens the hot liquid,
the words of my heart are kind.
Now the green leaves fall down,
and in the raked pile I make snow angels.
Joyful is the heart that reminds itself to be young.

In expectation of the winter I look at You,
but the clock hasn’t moved the hour yet.
Impatient is the heart that tries to hurry.
In time the feet will triple over themselves.
The lesson of patience is an impatient one.

At the kitchen table I drink my tea,
as You fill my head with happy memories.
And in the warmth of Your touch,
I learn to embrace the blessings,
of an early autumn.

 

 

Remembering Heaven!

In the summer of 2015 I was on holiday in Austria, in a small town close to Innsbruck. This one day we were visiting Innsbruck and as we were walking through the main shopping street, we saw the famous swarovski shop. Knowing that the prices would be far out of our budget, we did not enter the shop but remained outside gazing at the window. Here in this window,  I noticed this huge swarovski diamond. A large round diamond, as large as a soccer ball. As I was looking at this diamond, I froze and said to myself, “Hey this is what Abba’s house looks like! Exactly this”! I didn’t say God’s house but I consciously called God; Abba! A word I hadn’t used before. Before that moment I usually called God; Father.
In an instant I saw God’s palace, in Heaven, in front of my eyes. It felt like a combination between a vision and a memory. I strongly felt as if I had been there before and I could vividly remember what it was like. As I was remembering Heaven, words came flushing through my heart and soul. I remembered every hall, stair and step. Every window I ever looked through. And the throne room of God. The Father’s throne in the middle, Jesus on His right and another throne on His left. On the left hand of God further away were 12 thrones that seated the twelve tribes of Israel. On the right hand of God also further away were 12 thrones that seated the twelve disciples of Jesus. I remembered the gold but also glass like material. I remembered light, love, joy and wisdom shining like a scented aroma throne the palace.
As soon as I came back to the campsite where we were staying, in a state of pure joy and excitement, I grabbed pen and paper and wrote a poem, in order to remember my memory.
Now I have to tell you that I never had a near death experience or anything like that. Yes God had talked to me before but never in His own house! There is no way I can remember Heaven unless I was actually there once. In the past I had a surgery when I was four years old, on my eyes, which I still vividly remember. But I didn’t have a near-death experience then. Things just went black and it was like falling asleep and waking up later. Before the age of three I cannot remember anything at all. And after the age of four I haven’t been in the hospital again. At least not for a surgery.
Even though I never had a near death experience, this was not a typical vision either, since I had those as well. I know the difference. Furthermore I was awake, standing on both my feet, with my eyes wide open, so it was not a dream either. I somehow just remembered!
In my heart I believe God was allowing me to remember this, so I could write this poem and share a little piece of Heaven with you. I can tell you that Heaven is the most beautiful place you could ever imagine. Every image you ever created in your own mind fades away by how beautiful Heaven really is. Sometimes I deeply long to go back there just to breath in the fresh air of love, kindness, joy and music! All I want to say is, that it is a place you want to be. And all you have to do to get there, is believe in Jesus Christ as the Son of God, who died on the cross and rose from the dead after three days. And I guarantee you that it is worth it!
Unfortunately I didn’t take a picture of the diamond. I was so stunned to see a piece of Heaven, or at least a reminder of Heaven, here on on earth that I completely forgot. But this poem is a memory of Heaven that allows me to go back every time I want to. When I read these words I find myself back in those hallways, walking around in God’s own house that I lovingly called; the Crystal Palace. And I hope it will do the same for you. I hope this poem will allow you to visit Heaven, dream about it, but most of long for it! And one day I hope to see you there!

Here is the poem I wrote;

The Crystal Palace

All the diamonds in the World,
cannot describe,
the house of my Father.
But when I look,
deep into the core,
of a large and crystal diamond,
I am suddenly reminded of Home.

The glass reflects the pure soul,
in a million different colors.
The many different angles,
show what’s deep within the heart,
reflecting the Light,
to all the corners of eternity.

Perfect unstained walls,
echo the joyous sounds,
to relive every moment,
filled with the love of the Light.
And every hall, stair and step,
lead to the throne of my Father,
who fills the house,
with joy, love, light and wisdom.

The house is in the diamond,
but even the diamond is too small,
unworthy to reveal it all.
But if my home is in my heart,
then my heart is in the home,
of the Crystal Palace.