When life gets chaotic, fear sets in and we lose sight of the horizon. Tears blur our vision and we sometimes lose all clarity. Our fearful thoughts start to take over and for a moment we lose all control. We lose control over our emotions, feelings, thoughts, hopes and dreams. In those moments we often feel miles away from God, even though God is still standing right next to us. When life becomes negative, we fight to keep our positive. Yet sometimes we lose ourselves in our grieve.
Last thursday I heard that my mom has cancer. She has a big lump in her neckline. We don´t know whether it is benign or malicious. Last thursday she had a large number of tests and upcoming thursday she hears the results. The doctor still hopes that he is wrong and quite frankly, so do I. When my dad called me with the news, it felt as if the earth opened underneath me. As if someone sucked all the air out of my lungs and I cried for at least three hours. After losing my grandmother a couple of weeks ago, this news was absolutely devastating. So many thoughts cross your mind. And like I said, it took control over my mine. It still does by the way. The thought of my mother dying is one I do not want to have and yet the possibility comes fearfully close to me. I still need her you know. I may be a 31 year old woman but I still need my mom. Her love, support and guidance. Our time together drinking coffee-tea at the mall (I am a tea drinker, no coffee for me), our conversations, our joy. At a moment when you hear that someone has cancer, the thought of death strikes like a dagger through your heart. You just can’t help it. For hours I felt lost, sad and frightened. Thoughts raced through my mind and I have never felt more out of control, as I have felt at that particular moment. Until one thought came to the surface and I had a choice. The thought was; she isn’t dead yet! And at that moment I had a choice. Am I going to fight? Or am I going to flight?
According to my brother, and I agree, we can do two things in a time when life creates a major earthquake underneath our feet. We can fight or we can flight. When we flight we crawl into a corner and cry. We let life pass us by and we lose all hope. When we do this, hope is indeed lost because when we give up, we also give up on hope. And when we give up on hope, we lose everything including our life.
Or we can fight. When we fight, we fight for hope. Hope keeps us on our feet when we cannot stand. Hope keeps the air in our lungs when we cannot breath. Hope gives life when we feel we already lost it. The most victorious moments all have hope incommon. The people who survive are the people who keep their hope alive.
So what do you do? What do you do when life stumbles and all hope seems lost?
I chose to fight. That one thought was the trigger for me to chose to fight. The thought, she isn’t dead yet! The fact that she is still alive gives hope. But their is also someone else that gives me hope. His name is Jesus and He is the Son of God. If you read the bible, you can read all about His healing powers. When life creates earthquakes I pray because when I pray, Jesus gives me the strength to keep going, the hope to keep hoping and the love to pull me through the moment. I pray for healing, for strength, for guidance and I know that He hears me. Jesus is my hope. God the Father is my hope. The Holy Spirit is my hope. God the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are the ones that keep me going in moments like this. They keep me on my feet and they keep my feet moving, one step at the time. They whisper hope into my heart and love into my soul.
What will happen next is still unknown. We still have to wait for the results of the tests but my mom is going to need surgery regardless of the outcome. This is an uncertain time in our lives. I keep on praying for complete healing. I will keep on fighting for the ones I love. When Jesus died for us on that cross, He was fighting for us. And in His memory I fight for those around me. Jesus was the best example to show what to do in times of trial. He showed that you fight. You fight with love as your greatest weapon. Love will lead us to victory, regardless of the outcome. Love will always be the answer! Love will always be the greatest medicine to all our needs. And with Jesus by our side, we (my mom) will win this battle! Love if the greatest answer, even if it is the hardest choice we ever made.