Self Portrait

You look back at me,
and I intently stare at you,
until I figure out your soul.

To understand the essence,
of the deepest core of your being,
would be a life lesson to me,
so, I decide to paint a picture,
until I have grasped,
who you really are.

Your face radiates a comfort,
I have never seen before,
that tells me about a peace,
I have never really felt.

Your face,
is a radiance of joy,
as if your heart is celebrating,
a feast I have never heard of.

Only now do I realize,
that you are a stranger to me,
and yet so extremely familiar.

Your smile,
lights up the darkest room,
and it is the one asset,
that I adore about you.
To see the light sparkle,
in your blue-grey eyes,
is a gift of joy,
to anyone who beholds it.

I am slowly starting to love you,
and a desire shapes in my heart,
to make friends with you,
something I never really wanted.

Maybe the only way to love you,
is by getting to know you,
in this private setting,
where you stand naked,
before my own eyes,
and the only thing I can do,
is admire you for smiling,
despite the many scars!

Authenticity

Authenticity

My eyelids are weak,
my back is soar,
and the early morning,
forces me to scream.
I want to see the dawn,
with a colorful sunrise,
and tea to start my day.
Instead the day calls me,
with heavy stones,
and whiplashes breaking,
the fragile skin of my body.
My mind has become numb –
I stop the thinking,
as soon as I wake up,
in order to prevent,
the evil thoughts,
from crashing in on me,
leaving scars on a heart,
that is already broken.
I protect myself from a world,
who has abandoned me,
at the first breath of my youth,
for reasons I cannot comprehend.
Even the Heavens have gone silent,
unable to utter another word,
that could possibly encourage me.
The streets and bridges are empty.
Only a handful of birds,
dare to cross the sky,
unbothered by the disarray,
taking place beneath them.
My first breath in the morning,
which feels like the first breath,
of a terrified newborn child,
should be the one of a happy,
innocent child filled with wonder,
and glee of the future,
but cheerfully present in the day.
Instead I wonder about the changes,
and improvisations I could make,
to enhance my chances on a market,
that has put me in the box,
of misfits not pretty enough to sell.
Like the crooked cucumber,
that did not make the final cut,
to the runway of the supermarket.
But no matter how I put it down,
in beautifully crafted words,
to explain my small mistakes,
not one is good enough,
to force me to hide away.
I want to be my authentic self,
in a world of so many that look,
and behave exactly the same,
in a society that does not expect,
anything less than that.
I want to rise above the crowd,
of people so alike,
to show this world the beauty,
of standing out.
The worth in my soul,
wins it every single time,
of the desire to fit in.
So even if I have to live,
this one life I have been given,
in the company of myself,
I shall be happy,
for the only thing worse,
than complete loneliness,
is to be forced to kill,
my beautiful self.

Soar

Soar,

My lips are painful and dry, as if I have been walking, through the desert for weeks. Now I am longing for streams of water, surrounding my body and soul. For the wind to lift me up, and give me wings like angels, so I can rise above myself – to see myself from a new perspective, if only these glasses were helping me! I spend my days in meditation, where a continuous flow of words, makes her way from my heart to yours. Gratitude is what I always learned, but now I am longing for more, because I feel that I am ready, to open my heart and fly, out of this desert into the promised land, I am ready to soar!

Take the first step

Take the first step

The blurred window shows,
only a glimpse of what is seen,
behind the front door of my house.
Colors of blue and green alternate,
releasing a spiritual sensation,
in the quiet corners of my heart.
I want to approach it,
feel the texture of the uneven glass,
as if my hand can reach through it.
I want to open the door,
run outside on my bare feet,
to feel the soft grass tickle my toes.
But something stops me.
Something holds my feet,
and all I can do is press my forehead,
gently against the cold glass.
Hesitation is the essence of doubt,
which is the beginning of fear.
I have to choose.
The choice of trust leads me,
on the greatest adventures.
The choice of fear leads me,
to an impasse in my life.
Even when my hands tremble,
or when my heart is filled with doubt,
I open the door with the blurred window –
A symbolism of the future.
Because sometimes our future,
is like opening a door with a blurred window.
All you can see is the outlines and colors,
the essence of what it has to be,
but you cannot see the full picture.
All you can do is trust.
Trust the outcome.
Trust your own ability,
your own beautiful self.
All you can do is take the first step,
knowing that fear is the lie,
we tell when we doubt ourselves.
To take a step is to make a choice.
To make a choice is asking yourself,
this one single question,
do I really trust myself?

This photograph is mine. If you want to use it, please ask and give credit! Thank you!

Unchained

Unchained,
you are free.
Able to spread your wings,
to fly away on the wind.
Away from me –
from who I am,
and who I used to be.

You are able,
to choose for me,
or against me.
You are free
to be,
who you were always meant to be.

I set you free,
like a bird from a cage,
because I love you,
and for love,
to be real pure love,
it has to be free.

Love is not chained,
nor forced or caged.
In the end,
love is free.

So now,
I am unchained,
I am,
finally free.

Inner Child

Inner Child

Butterfly bushes grow in many colors,
and yet I can only look at you.
Your small eyes stare at me in great wonder,
as if you have a thousand questions to ask.

As the years went by I kept you at a distance,
but your soft whimpering haunted me.
As hard as I tried to run away from you,
I somehow carried you along with me,
making the distance nothing more than a hair.

After all these years I have stopped running,
to focus on what you are trying to say.
Without words I have to learn to assess,
every little movement you make,
and every little emotion you display.

If babies could speak the time would go faster,
but I have to learn how to embrace patience,
as the clock is loudly ticking behind me.

Then suddenly, for the first time in forever,
my hands reach out to you to lift you up,
into my arms where I know you are safe.
I have learned to understand what you need,
to give you everything you deserve at the right time.

The baby I am holding in my arms,
is none other than my own inner child,
who is teaching me that in order to survive,
I have to learn to accept and embrace her.

As the world is slowly passing me by,
and the last words of the sermon escape me,
I walk out of the church service,
with a wisdom that is greatly exceeding me.

In order to live life to the utmost fullest,
embracing the purpose awaiting you,
you first have to learn to take care of a baby –
the representation of your own inner child.

A Lesson in Strength

A Lesson in Strength

A storm in a glass of water,
maybe that was all I had to endure,
but for me it was a tornado,
a giant flood overwhelming me.
I needed the world to stop,
for my life to come to a halt.
I needed panic to take me over,
and fear to pierce a way through my heart.

In order for us to become stronger,
we first have to become weaker.
For strength can only enter our soul,
if it defeats all the negative inside us,
and diminishes our fears and doubts.
When the mind grows stronger,
it allows our faith to grow,
so we can learn to trust ourselves.
Like a seed in the dark earth,
first has to die,
in order to bloom in its brightest colors,
that is how our dark hearts,
first has to die inside of us,
in order to become strong and invincible.
When we are willing to face our fear,
we are able to defeat them in the battle.
If we are willing to work on ourselves,
the victory of self-growth will be ours.
The lesson of strength,
has been the most valuable in my life,
for it has taught me,
that when you do not give up,
anything is possible.
The key is to put one foot in front of the other,
to breathe one breath at the time,
to force your heart to keep on beating,
when the darkness seems to engulf you.
But the greatest help in this process,
was a man on a cross,
who rose from the dead,
and who believed in me,
long before I did.
The road to pure strength,
goes through deep dark valleys,
and over high mountains,
but at the end of the road,
the prize of self-love,
understanding, wisdom, and confidence,
is worth everything!

DSCF3415
Photo: taken by myself at a bamboo forest in France in 2014!

Self – Care

Self – Care

As my hand strikes across my skin,
the oil pours into my soul,
as a well needed refreshment.
I can feel my skin breathe again,
pulling my depressive mind,
out of the thick black fog,
it has resided in for so long.

Sometimes we need to look,
at the person deep inside of us,
ask her what she needs to live,
to feel loved and cared for.
We need to embrace who we are,
and what we look like,
instead of punishing the beauty,
that we so evidently cannot see.

Look in the mirror and witness,
the beauty you already possess.
Instead of looking at your imperfections,
teach yourself to look at the assets of yourself,
that define your inner soul,
and make your whole being shine,
like the look in your eyes or a smile.

When we look at our own beauty,
we appreciate what we have been given,
allowing us to live a more positive life.
Self-care is the love we give to ourselves,
to rejuvenate us, embrace us,
and value the beautiful souls we are.

Self-care is the most precious gift,
we can ever give to ourselves,
and to the One who created us.
So, whenever you feel unloved,
begin to love yourself,
and your mind and soul will heal itself.

 

 

Unique

Unique

White birds lift off across the water,
as palm trees wave upon the wind,
at the desert shore burning beneath my feet.
Elephants come and drink clean water,
while they embrace me in acceptance.
Aware of the lion’s hunting behind me,
I stay with the elephants for protection.
They make me one of their herd,
despite the obvious difference between us,
but they choose not to see what is there.
When the heart is willing to embrace love,
it will stop looking at the differences in hate.
It will learn to take the opportunity presented,
to learn the unknown in order to grow.
Wisdom is only gained when we are willing,
to step out of our comfort zone,
like brave researches searching for new treasures.
For those whose hearts are wide open,
paradise can begin to develop around them.
So, instead of remaining with my own kind,
I choose to stay with the elephants on the steppe –
the ones who have chosen to accept me,
the ones who have chosen to embrace me,
the ones who took a leap of faith with a woman,
who is so significantly different,
that the only word to do her justice is unique.

 

Forever Young

Forever Young

As I jump on a trampoline,
for a moment I fly through the air.
Floating on the wind,
my body becomes weightless,
sending my heart into a whirlwind,
of pure joy and freedom.

My body matured into adulthood,
but my soul will always remain a child.
My heart may be able to break,
yet resilience forces it back together.
By thinking thoughts of pure joy,
my mind stays forever young.

Dancing is an expression of freedom,
where the mind solely focuses on the movement,
the heart is entranced by the music,
and the soul forgets her surroundings.
So, I spread my arms to make pirouettes.
On my toes I twirl around on the green grass,
as my skirt moves on the beat of the wind.

When my heart forgets to be joyful,
I look at the children that cross my path,
only to learn that true freedom,
is not forced by the world around me,
or from an emotion deep within,
but by the mere ability to forget everything,
so I can simply be who I am.