Sea angels

It was in May 2016 when I stood at a beach in Normandy with my parents. The sky was grey and the wind was blowing. It was cold. Looking out across the Atlantic Ocean, something happened inside my soul. It felt as if the Holy Spirit was speaking to me. As if, for the first time in a long time, someone understood how I felt. I was not alone that day. Not only the Holy Spirit was with me, but I felt the presence of numerous angels around me. As if Heaven wanted to reassure me that I was not alone. There is someone who understands my heart and my emotions, even when I don’t understand it myself.

Although I am not fan of sunbathing at a crowded beach, or sunbathing in general, I do like to stroll across the beach. Especially on windy days when the beaches are mostly empty and you can only hear your own thoughts. I love seeing the outstretched beach and the endless ocean in front of me. No end and no beginning. It just is. Water is always moving. It never rests. Besides oceans I also love creeks and lakes. I remember as a child on summer holidays that we would spend our sundays at small creeks or lakes in Switzerland, France and Austria. The peace that these days brought to me, I will never forget. They now remain a very happy memory that I can visit whenever I want.

Water is happiness and peace but also turmoil. In the endless oceans often appear vortexes. today’s oceans are covered in plastic. So even though the ocean is a happy place full of wonder, imagine sea life, it is also a broken place. Maybe that is what connected me with the ocean that day in May. Maybe that is what the Holy Spirit tried to point out to me. Just like the sea being restless, so am I. An ongoing energy that can experience happiness and turmoil, I am broken. Restless. Not unhappy but a constant flow between the two.

That day my heart found a peaceful place where the Holy Spirit connected with me. The words He gave me still hold a special place in my heart. Every time I read it, I still feel that this is exactly how I feel. Restless. But the comfort that there is Someone who knows how I feel and understands it, it such a comfort! God knows how I feel. He understands it. When Jesus was on earth, He experienced the same feelings and emotions as every human being experiences them. So we can be assured that Jesus knows exactly how we feel. And sometimes we just have to be made aware of that. It is a good thing that we have the Holy Spirit to point it out to us once in a while. to point out that we are not alone and that our feelings and emotions in that particular moment are completely understood. life is broken, happy and in turmoil at the exact same time. But God knows how we feel. And that is an enormously gracious gift which God the Father gave us. Something to be thankful for.

These are the words that came to me that day:
Sea Angels

The Weaver and the tapestry

Our place in this world is unique. Each and every single one us has his own place in this world. There is not a person to many or too little. Everyone is exactly where he/she is supposed to be. It is like a tapestry. Each wire has its own place and function but the tapestry could not exist without each and every single threat.

When one comes face to face with an approaching death within the family, life somehow becomes much clearer. As my mom is battling cancer (a battle she is going to lose according to the doctors), I start to reflect on my life more than usual. Questions like; what is important to me and what do I really need, are going around in my mind. Looking back on life I can clearly see God’s hand in everything. Every moment in my life was carefully coordinated by His mighty hand. Before I was born, my life was painted into great detail. Not a single color or brushstroke was left out. Every word was written down. When life happens, it is very difficult to see that you are a part of a great tapestry. Your life really matters! It is the moment when life comes to a halt that you start to see the full picture (or after something bad happened).

We have these moments in life when we look back over our shoulder and suddenly see the full picture. As if we have always been looking at the bottom of this tapestry. All we could see was the knots and chaos in the threads. Nothing seemed to make sense. But suddenly you get a small glimpse at what the other side looks like. You can see the Weaver create every detail in this enormous tapestry. Every color and every thread is handpicked.

To me it is very comforting to know that Someone is in control. God is the Great Weaver who has put all His blood, sweat and tears into this masterpiece. Sometimes the knots hurt. Sometimes we believe that the threads are supposed to be at a different place or preferably not there at all. Sometimes we believe that we could do a better job, if we had a say in it. But looking at the tapestry of my own life, I personally disagree. I could not have done a better job at my tapestry than God. Even though I have been hurt, I can clearly see how much God loves me. God the Father has never allowed a single knot or thread at the wrong place or the wrong time. I can clearly see moments where evil tried to destroy or put the wrong thread in the tapestry and God stopped it.

Looking at the tapestry of life, all I can say is, God the Father did an amazing job. I can feel His love in every thread of my life, in every fiber of my being. Life isn’t easy and sometimes it seems unfair, but I believe that God sees the bigger picture. A picture I can not yet see. Sometimes I get a glimpse but I can never see the full tapestry. Still I only trust God with my life. I only trust God with my tapestry because I know that He does see the full picture. He knows where I came from and where I will go. He has created me and wove me into a unique masterpiece. Whenever life gets difficult and all I can see is chaos, God shows me His love in numerous ways. I can always talk to Him and He always listens to me. His hand holds mine and He never let’s go. His hands hold me up when I cannot stand anymore and His wisdom guides me along the way.

Even though I cannot see the full tapestry, I can see the Weaver.
Even though I do not understand all the knots and threads,
I do know that the end result will be breathtaking!

Fight or Flight

When life gets chaotic, fear sets in and we lose sight of the horizon. Tears blur our vision and we sometimes lose all clarity. Our fearful thoughts start to take over and for a moment we lose all control. We lose control over our emotions, feelings, thoughts, hopes and dreams. In those moments we often feel miles away from God, even though God is still standing right next to us. When life becomes negative, we fight to keep our positive. Yet sometimes we lose ourselves in our grieve.

Last thursday I heard that my mom has cancer. She has a big lump in her neckline. We don´t know whether it is benign or malicious. Last thursday she had a large number of tests and upcoming thursday she hears the results. The doctor still hopes that he is wrong and quite frankly, so do I. When my dad called me with the news, it felt as if the earth opened underneath me. As if someone sucked all the air out of my lungs and I cried for at least three hours. After losing my grandmother a couple of weeks ago, this news was absolutely devastating. So many thoughts cross your mind. And like I said, it took control over my mine. It still does by the way. The thought of my mother dying is one I do not want to have and yet the possibility comes fearfully close to me. I still need her you know. I may be a 31 year old woman but I still need my mom. Her love, support and guidance. Our time together drinking coffee-tea at the mall (I am a tea drinker, no coffee for me), our conversations, our joy. At a moment when you hear that someone has cancer, the thought of death strikes like a dagger through your heart. You just can’t help it. For hours I felt lost, sad and frightened. Thoughts raced through my mind and I have never felt more out of control, as I have felt at that particular moment. Until one thought came to the surface and I had a choice. The thought was; she isn’t dead yet! And at that moment I had a choice. Am I going to fight? Or am I going to flight?

According to my brother, and I agree, we can do two things in a time when life creates a major earthquake underneath our feet. We can fight or we can flight. When we flight we crawl into a corner and cry. We let life pass us by and we lose all hope. When we do this, hope is indeed lost because when we give up, we also give up on hope. And when we give up on hope, we lose everything including our life.
Or we can fight. When we fight, we fight for hope. Hope keeps us on our feet when we cannot stand. Hope keeps the air in our lungs when we cannot breath. Hope gives life when we feel we already lost it. The most victorious moments all have hope incommon. The people who survive are the people who keep their hope alive.
So what do you do? What do you do when life stumbles and all hope seems lost?

I chose to fight. That one thought was the trigger for me to chose to fight. The thought, she isn’t dead yet! The fact that she is still alive gives hope. But their is also someone else that gives me hope. His name is Jesus and He is the Son of God. If you read the bible, you can read all about His healing powers. When life creates earthquakes I pray because when I pray, Jesus gives me the strength to keep going, the hope to keep hoping and the love to pull me through the moment. I pray for healing, for strength, for guidance and I know that He hears me. Jesus is my hope. God the Father is my hope. The Holy Spirit is my hope. God the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are the ones that keep me going in moments like this. They keep me on my feet and they keep my feet moving, one step at the time. They whisper hope into my heart and love into my soul.

What will happen next is still unknown. We still have to wait for the results of the tests but my mom is going to need surgery regardless of the outcome. This is an uncertain time in our lives. I keep on praying for complete healing. I will keep on fighting for the ones I love. When Jesus died for us on that cross, He was fighting for us. And in His memory I fight for those around me. Jesus was the best example to show what to do in times of trial. He showed that you fight. You fight with love as your greatest weapon. Love will lead us to victory, regardless of the outcome. Love will always be the answer! Love will always be the greatest medicine to all our needs. And with Jesus by our side, we (my mom) will win this battle! Love if the greatest answer, even if it is the hardest choice we ever made.

The creation of the planets

The creation of the planets

When Your heart lights up,
and Your Spirit is released,
passion burns within You.
The crackling flames,
able to destroy,
everything on its path,
is controlled by the love,
blazing in Your eyes.

Where water flows,
restlessness sets in,
and life becomes a vortex.
But in Your hands,
water is salvation,
an oasis for the thirsty.
Flowing from Your throne,
water is a pool of love,
the calmth amidst the storm.

The earth in Your hands,
becomes Your masterpiece,
evolved from Your imagination.
As Your hands work,
without spilling a single grain,
water turns it into clay,
and fire into brimstone.
But earth itself is calmth,
a peaceful place to walk on.

Now the wind blows,
where the Spirit speaks,
causing change and renewal.
The wind without a leader,
is a vicious tornado,
ready to destroy.
But in Your hands,
wind becomes a helper,
a part of Your holy plan.

My eyes witness,
the interconnection,
of the four elements in Your hands.
Combined with Your own Light,
it lives, floats and turns,
into balls of different sizes.
And when my fingers,
gently push one into the cosmos,
I know that You showed me,
the creation of the planets.

(This poem is based on a vision I received from God)