My lips are painful and dry, as if I have been walking, through the desert for weeks. Now I am longing for streams of water, surrounding my body and soul. For the wind to lift me up, and give me wings like angels, so I can rise above myself – to see myself from a new perspective, if only these glasses were helping me! I spend my days in meditation, where a continuous flow of words, makes her way from my heart to yours. Gratitude is what I always learned, but now I am longing for more, because I feel that I am ready, to open my heart and fly, out of this desert into the promised land, I am ready to soar!
When the land is in sight, after an endless journey, my heart fills with joy, until I remember, that the last steps, are usually the hardest. With the sweat on my brow, I cry silent tears, in my hopeless heart. Is it a fata morgana? An illusion in my mind? In the extreme exhaustion, my heart becomes confused, wondering whether I had it right. Was this the land, the land that God asked me to go to? Or was I mistaken, wrong about everything I thought, God spoke to me in dreams? I pray, first silently, then louder and louder, until my heart screams, “Why have you forsaken me”? The inches I walk become slower, until I stand still in awe of myself, my misunderstanding, my hopes and dreams in something, that might never be. So, now I am at a crossroad. Wondering whether to continue, this extreme endurance, or whether to go back, to the life I knew before. I do not know… So, I wait for the silent whisper, gently encouraging me, to put my one foot, in front of the other, in blind courage, in blind faith, of an invisible God, a promise I cannot see, a situation that seems, impossible. Faith is like a mustard seed, that fell into the ground, and died. As my heart is slowly dying, I know a tree will spring up, in the depth of my heart, with strong roots, able to conquer any storm. Looking around this endless desert, I still see the small houses, shimmering at the horizon, and no matter how impossible it may seem, I know, all I have to do is believe, that those houses, no matter how unreal they seem, are put there for me. Victory comes to those, who choose to go on, when everything inside, tells them to give up! So, I choose victory, in whatever form it comes, so that one day I can tell, a world of disbelief, that the Spirit kept me going, when I could not belief. To God be the glory, for He was with me!
As the content of my soul, is spilled on the white marble floor, the history of nature forces me, to let her guide me along the way. Through the raindrops I fall down. Through the fog I rise again, but the sun remains behind the clouds, until time is ready to show her off again. Rainbows bring hope and promises, of new beginnings and better times, where the grass is finally greener, on my side of the meadows, and where birds joyfully fly. Life has an art of falling and rising, like the dance of starlings in the sky, where one never knows the next step, but the heart always follows the rhythm of the music, the soul plays at that particular time. As my arms spread and my hands open, I catch the first raindrops of the season, bringing the joy of my heart to the surface. However dark the seasons are, the knowledge of what is ahead, softens the cracks in my broken heart, teaching me that the negative will never last. So, even when I do not know the future, or what my next step on this road will be, love is teaching me that greatest endurance, is learning to dance in the pouring rain, for the future that is already in sight.
Waterfalls rain down on my open hands,
setting my mind free for the first time.
The silence in this desolated isolation,
is a gift for the weary and burdened soul,
that has become a part of every detail of my being.
Through the years the street noises have overruled,
the peaceful sounds of nature around me,
and the car horns are still ringing in my ears.
How I have longed for the silence of today,
where my mind is finally as peaceful as a mountain lake!
The sound of birds is music to my ears,
healing my soul with every breath that I take.
For a single moment nothing seems more important,
than the beautiful gift of being alive,
yet the dark clouds are still hanging over me,
as a painful reminder of a previous life.
There is nothing more challenging than hiking on rough terrain,
where clouds break and lightening strikes all around me.
But perseverance in endurance build my self-confidence,
providing me with joy and satisfaction,
as I am rewarded with this beautiful view of the future.
Remembering the valleys helps us,
to appreciate the victories,
and in this peaceful silence of today,
there is nothing that I could more appreciate!
Gineke van Keulen 