Healing Heart

After I saw a video on the BBC about the situation in India, I wrote this poem. It is the grief in my own heart that I have felt since my mother passed away, almost three years ago, of cancer, combined with the grief I saw in that video and the grief that I know exists all around the world. Losing someone is so painful, undescribable in words, but please know that rays of hope glimmer at the horizon! xox Gineke

Healing Heart

My heart contracts in pain,
as tear drops trickle down the veins,
forcing primal cries from the depths,
of my shattered soul staring at me,
in the broken mirror reflections on the floor.

My hands lifted you up in love,
carried you around a desolated city,
searching for one heart willing to help,
but the silence has fired back at me,
like a thousand knives stabbing me,
in a defenseless attack I cannot win!

I am holding your picture in my hands,
unable to understand how this happened,
yet fully aware that death can come knocking,
at my own front door at any time,
so I close the door and wonder why,
the future has abandoned us this time?

As the sun comes up in the east,
the first rays of hope move across the land,
like little drops of gold being spread,
and I cannot wait for the sun in the sky,
bringing a rainbow into my hands,
where memory and hope can blend,
in a healing heart that will one day learn,
how to give her love once again.

Our first love

Our first love

The wonder of birth,
will never cease to amaze me.
With one gasp of air,
we become one with life –
the first of many choices,
we will ever make on earth.

We breathe,
because we love,
and because we love,
we breathe.

Love and life are connected,
more than we ever realize.
Without life we cannot love,
and without love,
we cannot live our life.

If love is so important,
so vital in our circle of life,
why then do we love so little?

We put ourselves first,
without considering,
that an empty world,
leaves us desolate.

When we are born,
we love our mother.
Without that love,
we die.
Why then do we believe,
we can live alone,
for the rest of our life?

A life without people,
is an empty life,
for only through people,
we can learn,
the most selfless love,
that has ever existed.

To learn the depths of love,
we must be willing,
to look beyond ourselves.
For in the beginning of life,
we did not love ourselves first,
NO,
our first love,
belonged to our mother.

For most of my life, I was bullied, emotionally abused, rejected, and I had/have so little friends that I believed that I was better off alone. This year nearly took my life, not by COVID-19 but by loneliness. When one is rejected and alone for so long, one can get the idea that life alone is the only option. That is why I always said to myself, “It is me and God against the world”, believing there was nobody out there for me. But during the pandemic, I have learned that this is a lie. Humans are created to live together in whatever shape or size that is. The walls are slowly coming down around me and even though I am still finding my place in this life, the growth I have experienced was necessary and so important. That was the sole reason for this poem. Nobody is supposed to live a life alone! No one! And yet, there are so many, like me, who face this struggle every day. I am so blessed with my immediate family but there are those who have no one! Let us take the coming holiday season to look out for those who are alone! Give them something to look forward to. Give them love, a place at your table, a place in your life. You have no idea what it will mean to them! xox Gineke.

In the silence of today!

In the silence of today

For years I kept on going,
step by step,
breath after breath,
without thinking,
without contemplating,
but simply in faith,
in love,
caring for others.

The simplicity of life,
was not that simple.
The difficulties of life,
almost brought me down.
If it wasn’t for your love,
I would have crumbled,
but now,
I have to learn to love,
myself.

For years I kept on going,
without anybody by my side,
no one was applauding,
or simply noticing,
the hard work I did.

Only you,
in the depth of your heart,
noticed with your blue eyes,
the love I gave each hour,
each day,
each month,
until there was no more love to give.

In the silence of today,
I wonder,
where the time has left,
my love,
my heart,
my soul.

In the silence of today,
I know,
I gave it all to you!

As a qualified nurse I used to work in retirement homes and nursing homes, taking care of the elderly with all the love I had inside of me. The last five years of my mother’s life I helped her wherever I could, again with all the love inside of me! I am a caretaker, someone who delights in helping others, even though I cannot do it anymore, due to fibromyalgia. It is still an essential part of who I am. Initially I wrote this poem about me.

But then I reread it and thought of all the doctors and nurses who work so hard ever single day to safe lives. To safe people from the coronavirus. And suddenly this poem was no longer about me, but about them. Relentlessly working around the clock to safe lives with all the love in their heart!

So, to all the doctors, nurses, medical staff and everyone else who works selflessly and relentlessly every single day for us! Thank you! Know that you are seen! Know that you are appreciated! Know that you are loved!