My lips are painful and dry, as if I have been walking, through the desert for weeks. Now I am longing for streams of water, surrounding my body and soul. For the wind to lift me up, and give me wings like angels, so I can rise above myself – to see myself from a new perspective, if only these glasses were helping me! I spend my days in meditation, where a continuous flow of words, makes her way from my heart to yours. Gratitude is what I always learned, but now I am longing for more, because I feel that I am ready, to open my heart and fly, out of this desert into the promised land, I am ready to soar!
When the land is in sight, after an endless journey, my heart fills with joy, until I remember, that the last steps, are usually the hardest. With the sweat on my brow, I cry silent tears, in my hopeless heart. Is it a fata morgana? An illusion in my mind? In the extreme exhaustion, my heart becomes confused, wondering whether I had it right. Was this the land, the land that God asked me to go to? Or was I mistaken, wrong about everything I thought, God spoke to me in dreams? I pray, first silently, then louder and louder, until my heart screams, “Why have you forsaken me”? The inches I walk become slower, until I stand still in awe of myself, my misunderstanding, my hopes and dreams in something, that might never be. So, now I am at a crossroad. Wondering whether to continue, this extreme endurance, or whether to go back, to the life I knew before. I do not know… So, I wait for the silent whisper, gently encouraging me, to put my one foot, in front of the other, in blind courage, in blind faith, of an invisible God, a promise I cannot see, a situation that seems, impossible. Faith is like a mustard seed, that fell into the ground, and died. As my heart is slowly dying, I know a tree will spring up, in the depth of my heart, with strong roots, able to conquer any storm. Looking around this endless desert, I still see the small houses, shimmering at the horizon, and no matter how impossible it may seem, I know, all I have to do is believe, that those houses, no matter how unreal they seem, are put there for me. Victory comes to those, who choose to go on, when everything inside, tells them to give up! So, I choose victory, in whatever form it comes, so that one day I can tell, a world of disbelief, that the Spirit kept me going, when I could not belief. To God be the glory, for He was with me!
The sky is grey and gloomy,
the earth is covered in black and white,
and nature has never been this mystical.
Arches form doors to different realms,
as mountains enclose the waters.
I follow the river to the end of the horizon,
in order to find the end of my dream.
Heavy burdens way me down,
but my wings are still strong enough,
to keep me floating above the clear water.
Angels guide me along my journey,
and the Spirit leads me along the way.
All I must do is follow His guidance,
with a trust greater than the doubts in my heart.
Now I know that life is not about the dream,
but about learning to keep yourself floating,
in world that is too often black and white.
Love shows directions, but my feet weakly stumble. The bird shows the way, if only I would follow him. Light shows the path, but my eyes are searching for another. At the crossroad of life, I wonder when I lost my way, and ignoring the signals, my soul loses its destination.
Love shows directions, in the lost signals. The bird waits for its time. The light waits for its cue.
When I least expect it, wings of light touch me, pushing me in the right direction. When I least expect it, Your light opens my eyes, to see the signs in front of me. When I least expect it, You plant a seed deep in my heart, growing me in Your light.
Directions are found, in the signs of love, where it guides you, with gentle force.
The treasure of a fruit,
is planted deep within the core.
Like diamonds deep underneath the ground,
seeds are saved deep inside the earth,
where they grow endlessly.
Gems are always found inside the shell,
saved from greed they are protected with care.
When one is willing to invest labor,
rewarded is he who doesn’t give up.
No books on earth,
can teach you who you are.
No soul on earth,
can teach you what to do.
No bird in the air,
can teach you how to fly.
To find the diamond within yourself,
you will have to find the seed,
that God planted deep within the core.
To find the seed,
is to find your purpose,
and with the diamond in your hands,
you don’t let go!
Gineke van Keulen 