Patience

Patience is one characteristic that I do not manage completely. In the cue at the pay desk I can be very patient. When I was still a health care nurse in retirement homes, patience was my middle name. But when it comes up to God’s plan in my life, I am not so very patient. This afternoon for example I have been working on a new project. It was an idea that I already had for a little while. And even though I am a very positive person who does not easily give up, my patience was tested to the limit. Nothing I tried worked! And that brought a lot of impatience and frustration.
You see, sometimes I just don’t understand it. If God wants me to publish a book, be a writer, couldn’t He just cooperate a little?  Lately I have been feeling as if everything just does not seem to work out. Very frustrating. Especially since I have been trying to do the best I can.

The thing is that I care about my work. Which is funny because when I started writing as a child, I didn’t like it so much. I was good at writing and it matched a melody deep in my heart. My love for writing had to grow. Which it did. Especially the last six and a half years it did. Writing has not just been a way to express my feelings. It is also a way to communicate with God. To me writing is all emotions expressed. It is sadness, joy, honesty, growth. Writing is the air I breath and the blood that streams through my veins. Even though it did not start out that way, it grew over the years. More and more I am facing the fact that writing fits me. When Jesus called me at the age of five, I didn’t quite understand why He wanted me to write but now I do.

Today I agree with Him completely. He chose the perfect job for me. The only thing I lack to understand is why nothing seems to work out. If Jesus wants me to write a book than why does He seem so far away in making it happen? People say that I am very intelligent and my faith is extraordinary but some things I just don’t understand. And my lack of understanding makes me frustrated. The essence; the root of impatience is a lack of understanding!

And I would love to understand. I would love to see the truth in all this. Trust me I have prayed over and over again for insight…for the truth…but so far the Heavens have remained so silent that you could hear a pin drop. No answer only silence.
I know many Christians would say, “Sweetie you just need to have faith”, but you know what, that is easier said than done. I have been waiting for such a long time now. Waiting, fighting, searching for answers and solutions with perseverance and faith. And yet it has not been enough.

This really makes one doubt its mission. But looking back at my life, and the things Jesus and the Father told me, I know with 100% certainty that I am on the right track. Jesus once said that the only path that leads to eternal life is the small path. Well I can safely say that my path really is a narrow one, where I sometimes wonder if God will leave some space for me to walk. But I have to believe it. I have to believe that God will keep His promise. The way I see it is that satan will do everything he can to keep us away from God. It is not God that keeps me from succeeding but it is satan. And if I give but one inch, I will lose this entire battle. Like I said, I am positive and persevering. I do not give up. Not now, not ever! I will keep on fighting for God, for my life, for my mission, my work. I will finish this race-with-so-many-hurdles. Even if the road sometimes makes me stop, cry and wonder if the finish line will every be in sight, I will not give up. Patience is something I can learn and if it takes me a lifetime to learn it, I will do just that!

Painting a dreamscape

Painting a dreamscape

Inside a teardrop,
arms reach up to Heaven,
and nature trembles in pain,
until grieve breaks into silence –
turbid are the waters that cannot see.

Life is a universe,
where stars and galaxies pass us by,
and leave a trademark on our existence.
In an endless infinity I float on ice,
until the deepest water swallows me up.
Searching for the stars I strike my thunder.
Searching for the galaxy I make the rain.

How can life exist without creation?
How can creation exist without life?

I paint a night sky on a blank canvas,
so it won’t disappear from my sight.
Uncatchable is a dreamscape,
unpaintable are the stars in the night.
When the camera wants to frame the picture,
the vision decides to stay inside my mind.

Only when the quill softly touches the ink,
Divine secrets are told on parchment paper.

Born to write!

Every word

Effortless are the words, I write.
Like oxygen that bubbles to the surface,
ready to be released to the world,
Your words are nestled in my heart,
like young birds ready to fly out.

Closing my eyes, I listen.
I hear Your voice in the wind,
in the birds in the air,
in the many faces I connect with.
I listen to Your voice,
wherever I go.

My pen is my only companion.
Without paper I cannot leave the house.
I write with my heart.
I write from the soul.
The words from You, Father,
have become my own.

Poem after poem,
letter after letter,
word after word.
I connect with You.
I learn from You.
I remember You.

Effortless are the words, I write.
The oxygen that fills my heart,
bursts out into the world.
The power is not my own,
I cannot take credit for the words.
All I can do is write them down.

I breathe Your words,
and with love I release it like a dove,
into a world who needs You.

Let Your words touch the hearts,
open the hearts for Your love,
pour out Your generous mercy,
so Your light will attract the faces,
of all of Your children.

Father, I am Your daughter,
seeking Your children.
And for every heart I find,
I write,
every word.

With this poem I wanted to explain what writing means to me. I was born to write in every sense of the word. Even though I didn’t like writing as a child, I was called to write by Jesus, at the age of five! I guess Jesus knows me a lot better than I know myself.

Today I cannot imagine my life without writing. Even if I could never release my poetry book, I would still write. I would still hope for a miracle. For a way for people to read it. All I ever wanted was to touch people’s hearts with the words God gave me. I know that getting dreams and visions is a great privilege! Because of that privilege I want to share with people what God shows me. What God shows me can help others too! That I know for a fact. I just want people to understand God’s love! That is why I write. Regardless of what happens to me in my life, I need to write. This blog is such a blessing to me. It is a beautiful way to share a small part of what I wrote with the world! And for that I am grateful!

Thank you so much for reading my blog! It means a lot to me! Thank you!

 

A shield of faith

The poem ‘A shield of faith’ was the very first poem that I wrote after my seven year break (read the ‘About me’ section of my page!). It is based on Ephesians 6:10-20. Writing this first poem after such a long time, felt like someone breathed fresh air into my lungs. As if someone gave me back my life! Poetry is my thing. It makes me happy. It inspires me. And it is a way for me and God (the Father, Jesus & The Holy Spirit) to communicate. Poetry ended up becoming so much more than I ever thought it would be. It truly was God’s gift for me.

I hope this poem will inspire you too!

Shield of Faith

Many arrows I saw coming
Of hurt and grief and pain
A deep and evil longing
Planted deep within my vein

One mistake was all it took
One misstep so to say
An isolated broken look
at a world so far away

The only One who had compassion
Who saw the truth so deep inside
Loved me with the greatest passion
And told me not to hide

A shield was what He gave to me
to protect me from the flames
A shield of faith to set me free
from all the painful shames

The shield of faith is for protection
The helmet sets you free
The sword is His affection
He prays for you and me

The heart that knows how to love

Sometimes, or should I say often, I express myself better in poetry. Because my heart has this melody that is best expressed in music. And poetry is the only way of writing, where a melody is able to meet the words.


The heart that knows how to love

The pearl always hides inside the shell.
In order to find the beauty within,
you have to search inside the heart,
where the diamond is hidden for the world.
Only those with a pure heart will find it.
But those whose heart is destructive,
they will find nothing at all.

One does not run towards a lion.
A cat is not merely a ragdoll.
In order to get close to an elephant,
you have to learn to gain his trust.
In order to catch a butterfly with your hands,
you have to learn the art of patience.

A heart that has been hurt is easily hurt again.
A heart filled with fear will never learn how to trust.
The ability to accept without expectation is a treasure.
It is a pearl in the hands of a loving God.
The one who accepts the broken soul,
has understood the deepest essence of love.

An open heart receives with pleasure.
An open mind has found eternal joy.
True love is only found inside a conscious heart.
A conscious heart is only found inside your love.
In order to love you have to know love itself,
and understand what love has done for you.

In His arms I find my safety,
in His love my greatest miracle.
In His joy I find my laughter,
in His heart I find eternal happiness.
Who can rob me out of His presence?
Who can hurt me in His sight?

My soul is a pearl inside a shell,
protect by a lighthouse against the storm.
Who but Love itself will see the beauty inside of me?
Who will give a broken shell a chance?
I still believe in the power of a miracle,
I still believe in the heart that knows how to love.

The Power of Poetry

Can I share a thought with you? For a little while now I have been searching for a publisher to publish my poetry. My manuscript is completely ready and all I would have to do is send it. In my search to a publisher I have been reading many experiences of other poets online. Also I have been talking to a few poets myself. Apparently a lot of poets experience the same problem. There are no publishers to publish their poetry. And the publishers who do publish poetry are either unreachable or extremely picky. This problem causes many poets to make the difficult decision, not to publish their beautiful poems. And those who do decide to publish their poetry, have to pay a lot of money to make it happen through self-publishing. In other words. It is almost impossible these days to publish poetry!  Why is that?

The problem publishers face is no audience! Hardly anybody reads poetry anymore. Which is such a sad thing because poetry can be so inspiring.
In today’s society poetry is seen as old fashioned. Something people did in the eighteenth century but not in the twenty first. Another issue with poetry is that not everybody understands it. Many people just don’t understand the clue of what the writer is trying to say. Therefore they don’t read it. It is simply too difficult! And the less people read poetry, the less it is sold in stores, and publishers cannot earn money with it anymore. The lack of making money is the main decision that publishers refuse to publish it.

But poetry really isn’t that old fashioned and difficult to understand.  The beauty of poetry is that basically everybody can write. For me, I started with rhyme and expanded from there. The key with poetry is to feel the melody of words. To feel a melody is not something everybody can do, but it is something everybody can learn.
Each heart is different. Each heart plays a different melody. Because of your own unique soul, your heart will play a a different melody than everybody else. Therefore your poetry is guaranteed to be different from other people. The tricky part is to open your heart, in order to hear, feel and experience that melody. And that is where many people cease. Some hearts got hurt and their melody is a sad ballad, instead of an upbeat happy tune. The question is, are you willing to deal with that tune? Or do you rather push it away, into a corner where no one can reach it?

not everybody writes poetry. Not everybody is creative. If I only look at my own family. We are a bunch of different souls squeezed into one group. Some are creative, but others are not. They have different qualities that make them unique. The point is that it doesn’t matter how good or bad you are at writing poetry. It doesn’t even matter how intelligent you are. Poetry is unique to everybody. Therefore when you read poetry, it will give you a different message than the message the writer received. I write my poetry with a reason, but I am well aware that readers can read other messages in it. This is the reason why I love poetry so much. When I read poetry of Emily Dickinson, the Brontë sisters or Akiane Kramarik for example, I read it differently than they wrote it. It is the magic of poetry. Poetic words have a power to touch, comfort, heal and inspire people. For me, poetry is a power on its own. A power given to me by the Almighty God! And I could not be happier to have been given such a gift. It has become a great part of my identity.

In short, poetry is a uniquely written part of someone soul that carries a unique message for everyone who reads it. And the message of the writer can differ greatly from the reader, which is called the power of poetry!
The funny thing is that everybody who has read the bible, has read poetry. Yes, the bible is filled with poetry. Think about the Psalms of David, Song of Songs by Solomon, and even the prophets have written in poetic form. You see, poetry does not necessarily have to rhyme! The songs David wrote, which we now call Psalms, are nothing other than poems. Words written on a unique melody that King David carried in His heart. The Psalms David wrote were his feelings, his emotions, parts of his life story and worship. Just because he sang it in a song, does not mean that it is not poetry. Poetry is a very wide range of written pieces. In a way, songs are poetry as well. Think only about rap. Rap is a very good example of poetry is the form of music.

So if the bible is filled with poetry, why then is it so hard to bring it to the attention of people? Maybe because I, and many poets with me, are not King David, King Solomon or any of the prophets! Yes, God talks to me to. God also gives me messages meant for people but I don’t have a famous name. In order to publish a poetry book, we have to have a name in the industry. We have to become a writer of fiction, non-fiction, bible-study or other high-ranked books first, in order to have a chance at a publishing deal. And this is a sad reality for many poets. Of course self-publishing is a great option, but self-publishing is a big investment that does not always pay back. Many have a mortgage to think about! There needs to be food on the table. And of course you can take a literary agent, but after all the monthly expenses, there is often not enough money for an expensive agent. By the way, agents work like publishers. Many will not represent poetry because of the lack of readers. So in this great worldly web, who stands a chance? Mostly those who have a lot of money!

I have not written this blog because I am bitter. I have not written this blog because I lost hope. My hope is not in this world! My hope is in God. I believe that with God all things are possible. I believe in His Almighty power to bring those things about that are for humans impossible! I believe that God will make a way, exactly at the places where there is no way! I believe in the power of my Almighty Father.
But that doesn’t mean that I cannot have compassion on other people. So many talented writers, poets, write treasures given by God that nobody will read. Diamonds of God’s love that are catching dust. Or in some cases, are thrown in the garbage can. People with a dream that have to give it up thinking that the chances are just too small. I cannot make a change happen on my own. But I hope, that writing this blog, will start a ripple effect. I hope more people will start reading poetry. I hope more people will find joy in poetry. Look, this blog is just my opinion. I am not writing this blog on behalf of every poet, but I still hope someone will read it and give more poets a chance. A chance to bring the melody of their heart, God’s message, to the world. God is present in poetry as well! And I hope that the inspiring melody of God’s music will be spread, all over the world!