Halls of crystal gold

Halls of crystal gold

Halls of crystal gold,
imaginative to the naked eye,
swirl hues of purple and blue,
comforting me with holiness.
In Your eyes is the light of love,
surrounding me with Your presence.
As birds hover in the sky,
wings are like a warm blanket,
and the wind like grape juice,
on a hot summer day.
The feeling of being loved is a treasure.
Rays of gold light up my heart,
to embrace it with love and joy.
In Your eyes I am beautiful,
unimaginable are the halls without me.
A child in the arms of His Father –
I am safe within the walls of Your home.
When I look into Your infinite eyes,
oceans become rivers,
penetrating me with their energy,
rejuvenating me with an endless sense of peace.
Halls of crystal gold lead me to Your throne,
where sparrows nestle in Your lap,
and lions rest at Your feet.
How come I can see You so vividly?
My heart explodes with love,
making my DNA rain down on me like confetti.
Truth like a sword cuts through me,
awareness takes over my soul,
and in one single second I know,
You are the one I live for.

Halls of crystal gold

A joyful winterland

A joyful winterland

 A white blanket covers the earth,
with countless dots of cotton wool.
The cool arctic winds blow through my hair,
releasing my inner-child to the world.

 Laughter is an echo,
that illuminates the darkness.
The white snow is a wall,
that reverberates the sounds,
in silence.

 The endless land provides peace.
Covered in its white blanket,
snow angels come to life,
in thousand different colors.
Angel voices fill the sky,
only to be heard,
in the silent winter sound.
Do you hear the soft sound in the air?

 My bare feet touch the white floor,
as my white robe sweeps the snow.
My life is an eternity,
my joy an endless well of love.
In a wishful moment,
the winter land remains,
and I play forever.

 My Father’s hand touches my heart,
the same way He touched the land,
when it became white.
A tickling sensation,
fills Heaven with shrieks of joy.

 In this joyful winter land,
love has turned peace,
into laughter.

winter 2017

 

Adoption

On the Dutch television is a program about adoption. In this program a team searches for the biological family of someone who is adopted. It has been on the TV for many years. I remember watching it as a teenager with my mom and my brother and it is still airing today. It has always been a fascinating show to me. The reunions are often so emotional and it happens so often that the story about why someone has been adopted is slightly different from what the adopted child has been told.

One morning, about two years ago, I sat down to write a poem. As I sat down, images from this television program flashed in front of my eyes like a vision. The poem God gave me that day gave me a completely different view on the adoption process itself. God allowed me to understand adoption from the biological mother’s point of view. Keeping in mind that not all biological mothers feel this, I do believe that the majority does.

So often adoption is only seen from the point of view from the parents who are adopting a child or the adopted child itself, but never from the point of view of that woman who had to give up her child for whatever reason she had. As a child grows in a mother’s womb, the bond between mother and child is already developed. When the child is born the bond is already established. So giving up a child that you are already connected to so deeply is extremely difficult.

One thing, that is very important to mention, is that I have never had children myself, I am not adopted and I have never had any experience with this whatsoever. So there is no way I can know all this. I only know it because God showed me. All the glory is for God alone because this is His work, not mine!

Adoption

The blue ocean slips through my hands,
after it has pierced my soul with love.
Vigorous brown trees give strength,
but they take my tears back to the clouds,
preventing the rain to fall down,
on my fragile empty hands.

For a while we shared a home,
in the hands of Him who gave us life.
The synchronic beatings of the drums,
changed my heart into a vortex,
where negative surroundings are washed away,
changing into positivity and hope,
until reality sets in and our home is destroyed.

Homeless my heart dwells in a valley,
longing for the rain to fall down,
until it washes away the waves of my last breath.
It has slipped through my hands,
smothered by life I am forced to move on,
and my empty hands show my empty heart.

All I wanted to hear was your smile,
but silence is my daily companion.
All I wanted was to see you walk,
but the road only carries me.
All I wanted was to hear, “I love you”,
but the deafening silence chokes me.
All I wanted was for you to grow up,
so I handed you over to be adopted.

 

 

 

Inside the box

In my life I have always felt that I was different. I felt as if things were never the same for me as they were for others. As a child I tried to blend in and as a teenager even more so. I never had the courage to stand out because I was afraid. Afraid that people would get angry at me. Especially as a teenager I was often excluded, laughed at and at times intimidated. Not just by my peers by also by adults. Trust me when I say, there are certain things that you will never forget.

So out of fear of being excluded, laughed at or hated, I would simply try to blend in. Even when this was not in line with what God would ask from me. God asked me to be a writer – a poet –  but for a long time, I would refuse. Even today I still have moments where I want to give up. These moments are often when people talk behind my back in a negative way and I hear all about it, or when people question me face-to-face. People can be quite convincing. And often I understand their point of view. But then there is God asking something different from me and I get confused about what to do. I remember this one time, when I told my mom: “Life is a battle where it is me and God against the world”. Luckily my mother often listened to me and she would support me in every way that she could. I could really tell her everything because I knew she loved me and I trusted her.

Yet many people are not like my mom. Many people talk behind my back and it is not positive. The prejudices and opinions they have about me are based upon their own insecurity. But still it hurts. Life for me is like living between two fires. The fire of God and the fire of evil. And it is a tough battle.

Still the fire of God is greater. My passion to do God’s will still exceeds everything else. For as long as I can remember I had only one ambition in life; to bring a smile to my Fathers face. And with my Father, I mean God the Father. If I could just put a smile on His face, I would have done the best job that I could possible do. In one of my dreams God said: “the only way that leads to eternity is the small way”. So even if it is difficult to do what God asks you to do, don’t give up. With God everything is possible and God will never leave what He once started. It is better to have faith in God than in people!

Today I wrote a poem about this. It is a poem about my story. I have a huge passion for God the Father, for Jesus and for the Holy Spirit. My love for God makes my heart burst, but so many have tried to stop me through the years. I may be a woman, I may have never been to a prominent bible school or theological study, I may not life up to people’s expectations but I know – with a 100% certainty – that God is greater than my circumstances. God loves me and He will make a way where there is no way. And if you are in the same situation as me? If you feel the same way? Than please know that God is almighty! He loves you! He can and will do amazing things in your life, that may seem impossible. Do not give up! Never! Think outside the box!

Inside the box

Inside the box,
the noose around my neck tightens.
Trying to settle in,
the small nook is too cramped,
and all I want to do,
is to leave this small space.

All eyes tell a different story,
but when they look at me,
all their stories are the same.
Stuck in prejudices and opinions,
war is either neglect,
or fight back.
Who will love me as I am?

Traditions are for keeping,
but not if they suffocate the soul.
When everything is the same,
we are in desperate need of change.
Evolving is teaching yourself to be better,
learning is allowing yourself to grow,
for growth is a never-ending story.

Inside the box,
where I am unable to grow,
I look out into infinity,
where God asks me to live,
in His divine library,
where His great wisdom,
will lead me to eternity.

In my Father-heart I see you

Today I really want to share this poem with you. A couple of years back, I asked God the Father in prayer how He really felt about me. I asked Him to be completely honest! I didn’t just want Him to share with me all the good but also (and especially) all the bad parts about me. I really wanted Him to be as honest as He could possibly be. A short while after I prayed this, God the Father quoted this poem to me. A special poem that surprised me and filled me with love. The reason I am sharing this poem with you is because I know that God loves you so much. I hope this poem will show you just that! God loves you and in His loving Father-heart, He sees you, He loves you and He cherishes you. You are so worthful to Him. You are so precious that He gave up His only Son just so He could have a connection with you! God loves you! And that is the most important message ever!

In My Father-heart I see you

A spirited energy flows within you,
a willpower to succeed in your mission,
but the flesh is weak where the mind is willing.
How long will you fight for Me this endless battle?
My heart aches when I look at you,
and My mind slips back to who you once were.

Heart of My heart, filled with My light,
I still hear your laughter fill the heavens with joy.
Quick little girl – prettier than the stars – you are,
your eyes sparkled with delight and peace.
I still see you sit on My lap eager to learn,
your wisdom excelled in your trust,
but you were oblivious to it.

The joy in your eyes when your Brother was near,
made my Father heart beat faster, overflowing with love.
Your love for Him grew with each shared moment,
inseparable you were with Him wherever he went.
How could I have ever punished you in your mistakes,
when all you wanted was to innocently brighten the room?

How could I ever show My tears to you today,
when I feel the pain of your struggles in My own heart?
My dearly beloved daughter it would hurt you too much.
So I keep them in the shadows for all I want is your joy,
your unexplainable delight spread like sunbeams across the world.
Let them see how much you love Me.

Always shy yet protective like a warrior,
My honor means more to you than your life,
you’d give it up in a heart-beat, if I would ask you to.
But remember – my child – the day your brother Yeshua died,
My heart breaks at the thought of having to give you up also.
So give your joy for My tears and your love for Mine.

When I look at you, past and present collide,
fusing with the future I have in store for you.
My plan is unshakable, unmovable like a mountain.
That little girl from long before the world began,
still lives deep inside your soul, hidden for the world.
Let her come out and play once again so the heavens rejoice,
and the world will see My light in you.
In my Father-heart I see you.

These are pictures of me as a young child. Probably between 0 – 2 years old.
(these photographs are mine and cannot be used without permission!)

From Death to life

Three years ago I traveled to the province Thüringen in Germany with my parents. During our stay we visited concentration camp Buchenwald. Buchenwald touched me in such an emotional way that it inspired me in more ways than I could ever imagine.

DSCF4164

Buchenwald still has a few buildings that give a vivid picture of what it must have looked like back in the days. One building houses the ovens, another shows the pictures of what happened there. Jews, gypsies, christians even that were undressed and shaved and divided amongst the camp. Pictures that brought tears to your eyes.

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Yet all the barracks are gone. One barrack was recreated by pictures.  This was a hospital barrack where sick were tended to, but it isn’t the original. On the places where the barracks used to be are stones. The stones outline the places where the barracks used to be and they are filled with gravel stones.

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As I was walking across the grounds, I noticed flowers growing between the rocks. This surprised me. A place where life seemed to be impossible, a place of rocks, housed a group of dandelions. I know that dandelions are seen as weed but to me they are flowers. And the symbolism of these pretty little flowers growing between the rocks blew me away.

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When dandelions die, they change from yellow flowers into white flowers with uncountable seeds that blow away on the wind. Kids love to pick these flowers and blow the seeds onto the wind. The seed fly away and land on other grounds where the produce a new flower. The death of a dandelion in never the end, it is a brand new beginning for uncountable new flowers.

The symbolism or message that God gave me is that death is never the end. Just like the dandelions. The People who survived the camps have been given a new life. Where Hitler tried to wipe the Jews from the face of the earth, God took the few ones left to create a brand new nations. The destruction from humankind cannot stop God from creating beautiful new beginnings. One person is one dandelion. Through our trials and struggles we become uncountable seeds that create new life all across the world.
Even if Hitler would have killed all the Jews, God only needed one to create a brand new nation just like He did with Abraham. When God called Abraham, Abraham did not have children. In fact his wife Sarah was not even able to have children. Yet God took this hopeless situation and turned it into a story of hope. Abraham became the father, the patriarch, of more children then all the stars in the sky and the sand of the ground.

The flowers growing between the rocks inspired me to write the poem ‘A Flower of Hope’. It taught me that even the most hopeless situation is the beginning of new hope, new life and new beginnings. It is a message that I still need today, every day of my life. And a message that can give the world, a world that houses so many people who lost hope, new hope, new life and a new beginning. For God death is never the end but a brand new and hopeful beginning!

Flower of Hope
(The poem in the picture, see below)

A Flower of Hope

Through the rocks,
of earthy ashes,
grows new life,
that gives us hope.
To wipe the tears,
through deep suffering,
from innocent children,
of God the Father.

Without a thought,
the rocks were broken,
leaving the pieces,
of worthy crystals,
out in the open.
Washed away,
by the cold icy rain.
Nobody saw,
too little cared,
and now it flutters,
into oblivion.

Yet God left a sign,
for the world to see,
the worthy lives,
of His loving people.
There in the rocks,
of the oblivion,
grows a flower,
to give us hope,
of a new,
and better life.

 

Truth is freedom

Usually I am not exactly a morning bird. In the morning I need some time to wake up and get started. But one morning, when I was alone, I woke up early. That morning I sat down with a writing pad. I felt so inspired but at the same time I didn’t know what to write. As soon as I put my pen on the paper, the words came out so fluently that I had to put in a lot of effort to keep up. I cannot write every day at the same time and often, any time before dawn is not a particularly favorite writing time for me. When I write, I wait for God’s voice to guide me through the words. Sometimes He quotes them, sometimes I get dreams, visions or I see quick pictures in front of my eyes, and at other times I find the words in my own heart. And when I read my poetry back later on, I can always find God back in the words, pages and poems. My poetry is not just an outlet. It is my breath, my beating heart. It is my life line in times of sorrow. It is my joy and my happiness. I was meant to write! I was meant to write poetry!

Truth is Freedom

Questions ask Questions,
through the answers multiplied.
Answers calm the soul,
but only for a little while.
The answers we want to hear,
lead us walking in circles,
endlessly.

Where the truth shines his light,
human eyes are blinded by its brightness,
but if we dare to open our heart,
the truth will set us free.

Truth answers questions.
Peace calms the soul.
The two are undeniably connected,
for truth and peace give acceptance,
and broken circles give a narrow road,
until we learn how to walk in truth.

Questions ask questions.
Answers question itself.
But the truth is a rock,
steadfast and unshakable,
where we can lean on in times of trial.
The truth is the Light that sets our mind free.
Eternal freedom that sets us in the Light.

Truth is freedom for the soul!

Blinded

As I was walking my dog one day, looking at the sun, the words simply poured into my heart. As soon as I came home, I wrote them down and called it ‘Blinded’. I hope you like it!

Blinded

If you look into the sun,
the sun will blind you.
But if you risk the chance of being blinded,
you can clearly see what the sun is made of.

If you look at God,
His light will blind you.
But if you risk the chance of being blinded,
you can clearly see who God is.

If the light makes the blind see,
then maybe we should all be blinded,
so we can finally see clearly,
and live a divine life in the light.

Nothing can separate us from God’s love!

The thursday before easter we heard that my mother has cancer and that there was no cure for her. Hearing something as horrible as this made me feel as if the floor underneath my feet disappeared and I fell into this huge hole. Unfair is a word I have used often. I just didn’t understand why this had to happen (I still don’t). In my prayers I negotiated, asked questions, pleaded, tried to make deals, anything that would turn this situation around. The moment I realized that it didn’t work, I simply got angry.

I know that it is unfair to blame God that things like this happen. They happen to everybody so why not to someone in my family? (I got this response a lot!) Even though I know that it is true, it didn’t satisfy my soul. In my opinion God could heal my mom, He still can. What made me angry is that He just didn’t do it. My life never turned out the way it was planned and after everything that had already happened, God allowed this to happen also. After all the rejections, bullying, disappointments, loneliness and hurt, I am losing my mother to this horrible disease. It was the final straw. I never complained about my situation, always tried to do the best to my abilities and I always followed God in everything He asked of me. We didn’t deserve this!

At some point my anger intensified so much that I stopped talking to God all together. I did pray but I only spoke the absolute necessary words. “Lord bless this food and forgive my sins, amen”. Or I simply prayed the ‘Our Father’ prayer. But talking personally was out of the question. If God didn’t listen to a word I was saying anyway, if He didn’t answer my prayers, then why would I even bother?

I kept this up for a week. Then one morning, right before I wanted to say a short prayer for breakfast, I audibly heard God’s voice. He said, “Gineke, please talk to me”! He was listening after all. Just because He didn’t answer, didn’t mean that He didn’t listen. God heard every word. Initially I thought, fine, if you want me to talk, I can talk. My first prayers after that week of silence consisted of yelling. All my anger was thrown at God’s feet. My feelings of unjust, disappointment and down right rage where fired straight at God’s heart. But the funny thing is that the more I screamed at God, the calmer I became. Until the screaming became talking, and the words became tears. I admit to saying things to God that I now regret. As my anger slipped away, a feeling of remorse slowly trickled into my heart. God didn’t deserve my anger. He didn’t deserve the blame. Still He listened to every single word.

Last saturday, again before breakfast, I was sitting in the living room. Suddenly I felt the presence of God the Father, as clear as the light of day, in the room. The Father walked over to me, laid His hand on the crown of my head and kissed my head. I whispered, “I love you, I really do”. And the Father answered, “I know”. Where I doubted God’s love for me, He never doubted mine. Where I thought that God wasn’t even listening, God was doing much more. He didn’t just listen. He also looked straight into my heart. God observed every single part of me so intently because He knew exactly what I was going through.

All of this opened my eyes. Often Christians say that we have to praise God and we are not allowed to get angry at Him. We have to obey Him, honor Him and keep our mouth shut about pathetic little things. Only worship! But God wants much more than worship. He wants a personal relationship with us. This means that we have to open ourselves up completely before Him. We can praise and worship God all we like but if we still hold a grudge against Him, our praise is worthless! God rather wanted me to yell at Him than that I kept my feeling to myself. God wanted to hear how I felt because He understood, and still understands, my pain. God knows how difficult my life is. How much I long for my mother to be healed. How much I long for a future and a hope, for a life of joy and worship. He knows that I am still waiting for Him to make His promises to me come true. He knows the tears of my heart. But keeping silent is not making anything better. We have to learn to open ourselves up completely, dirt and all.

If you are angry at God, disappointed, hurt, sad and you haven’t said it to Him yet. If you feel that God is to Holy, to Almighty, to receive you anger and hurt, and therefore you remain silent. If you are hiding your real feeling towards God by a mask of praise then please hear me out. God wants to know how you really feel! God is strong enough to take your anger and your pain! God understands so much more than you think! And His love is so astoundingly big that nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, can make it go away! Not even your greatest anger. And after the anger, you find that the praise and worship is deeper than it ever was before. Open your heart up for God, yell, scream cry or laugh. Don´t hold anything back. God completely understands you! He loves you!

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8: 38-39

Interconnected

This poem ‘Interconnected’ is based on one of my experiences meeting God the Father. I hope you like it! 

Interconnected

In the depth of silence,
the world disappears,
in a single second.

Sitting in this endless universe,
stars twinkle all around me,
and fall silently in my lap.

Throwing stardust in my hair,
leaves whirl all around me,
and in the rising of the sun,
it is just me and you.

Interconnected,
the lifted heart finds peace.
In Your kiss,
unconditional love.