My entire life I have trusted my feelings, until my feelings started to catch up with me lately. Confusion and questions started to take over. Evaluating my life only made it worse, to the point where I started to doubt everything I know. Even the love of God.
When earthquakes shake up your life, the vibrations leave cracks in the buildings that you have so carefully constructed in your life. Because that is what your heart, your soul, really is. Your soul is a village with houses that hold memories, experiences, knowledge, love, joy, peace and so forth. When negative things, such has bullying, abuse, instability, insecurity and distress, happen in your life, it causes a small earthquake in the village of your soul. The houses that were once build are damaged. Small cracks appear. Left untreated it causes instability to your house. The more earthquakes appear, the more your houses crumbles down and falls apart.
For years I have been trying to fill the cracks in the buildings of my own village with therapy, but after three psychologists, two assertivity trainings, one anxiety course and one therapist performing EMDR on me, I lost hope of ever being healed.
The past two months have been extra hard on me. All my problems, all these little earthquakes put together, became too much to handle! It felt as if my entire village had been destroyed. I felt empty inside and unable to go on. Everything I had tried, all the prayers and even my optimistic character couldn’t fix me. I felt broken inside. Nothing I could ever do, would be enough. In the end I even doubted God’s love. I still knew that Jesus loved me, but I couldn’t feel it anymore. It made me desperate, frustrated, sad and heart-broken. Right when I had given up, Jesus came to me, last saturday in the early morning.
It had been a while but I was so happy to feel His presence. He said,
“Your feelings will follow your knowledge, if only you have patience”.
He even encouraged me to write it down and to share it with you. Jesus gave me the answer that I had been searching for all my life. A way out of how I felt and a back into His love. You see, I still knew that Jesus loved me but my heart was so hurt (my village completely destroyed) that my heart could not reach that knowledge anymore. Jesus taught me to stop relying on my feelings and to trust in the knowledge that I still have.
Thanks to Jesus I have hope again. If I hold on to the knowledge that Jesus loves me, one day my heart will follow into that knowledge and be healed again. It will take time but with Jesus by my side, I will be ok.
But Jesus wasn’t just talking to me. He is talking to you too. No matter what your situation is in life, no matter how discouraged you feel, Jesus loves you. If you have a heart time feeling the love of Jesus in your heart, then just know it. Tell yourself every day that Jesus loves you. Know it and store that knowledge in your heart, because one day your feelings will interlock with that knowledge and things will change. Hold on to your knowledge, that Jesus loves you, and miracles can and will happen in your life.