Between questions and answers

Faith is wobbling at the edge of a deep cliff and I wonder when it is going to tumble over. When life is a battle and all our weapons have been used, how do we keep on fighting? Exhaustion is wearing me out and I wonder when it is enough? When will the future become something, instead of this unseen thought? Is everything I dreamed of nothing more than a mirage? Tears trickle down my fears until there are no tears left and a drought season sets in. Plants will not grow and the sun will not shine. Still we believe that someday the grey will disappear and the colors will flow back.

Restless my heart searches for stability. But the last piece of the rope slips through my fingers and all there is left is a free fall. The world stops and the sounds fade. For a moment there is nothing but You and me and I wonder, whether or not you really see me. Do You hear my last prayers flutter up towards Heaven like a million multicolored butterflies? Or has the sounds muted in its flight? Wonder is a funny thing where the mind floats between questions and answers. Questions are asked and answers are seeked but silence blurs even the loudest call.

Is silence a friend or an enemy? At this point I would not know. Uncontrolled I walk across a beam, hanging above an enormous abyss. It can go either good or wrong but all I can focus on, is the umbrella that You gently put in my hands. I don’t know how to use it. As I am figuring this out the instability grows intens. Do I have to stop myself in the wonder why life seems to go on unasked? When twenty four hours are in a day, how do I find the twenty fifth? Time is an earthly measure, so maybe that is why the old antique clock has broken down. How do we find time when there is none?

When all I can hear in the deafening silence is, “Go on”, where then do I find the answers, when the magpie has taken my last gem away?

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