An ever present companion

Today, as I was standing in church, someone came up to me and asked me how I was. This may not be so extraordinary to you, but to me it is. In church people rarely talk to me. And I really mean…ME! Yes they say hello or inquire after my parents but they rarely speak to me.
It has always been that way. Somehow I don´t make friends easily. Yes, I have had friends in school but I always learned in the end that they were not my real friends. The amount of times I felt laughed at and ridiculed, I cannot tell you. At some point I simply stopped counting the times. But the words I never forgot, and to this day, those words are still haunting me at times. It often comes up in my mind when I am feeling insecure.
Those times I was “bullied” (not just by kids my own age but also by adults, who should have known better!), they have created a huge distrust towards people inside of me. People I should have been able to trust, appeared to be unreliable and mean. But people I didn’t trust, never got a chance to be a friend. It has literally turned my life upside down.
For a great part of my life, I have lived with this, at times suffocating, loneliness. But it was in those times of loneliness that God was very close. God was not just the Almighty Creator of Heaven and earth, He was often also a Father, a Brother and a Friend. He was all in one for me. Always there to make sure that I would feel loved. God always made sure that I didn’t feel alone. God saved my life in so many ways that I could never find a true way to properly say, “Thank You”.
The poem ‘Loneliness’ is about; how I felt in those moments of suffocating loneliness. I wrote it a couple of years ago, when I had just started writing again. I hope that it will bring love and hope to you in your own loneliness. And I hope it will make you see that with God, you are never really alone!

Loneliness 

My eyes can only see,
togetherness in bloom.
The bunch of roses show,
just one carnation in the room.

Not accepted by the world,
dwelling in my desolation,
my feet are wandering forth,
searching for salvation.

But loneliness is hunting me,
Like a lion hunts its prey,
where I go and what I do,
It never goes away.

drowning in my loneliness,
feeling that I’m not alone,
rescuing me to the shore,
a love I’ve never known.

He brings me in His presence,
my heart is filled with praise.
My God who took my loneliness,
replaced it with His grace.

 

 

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