All I ever wanted.
All I ever wanted is,
to give my heart and soul to you.
All I ever wanted is,
to do the best job I can do.
All I want to give to you,
my life and so much more,
But after all the earthy setbacks,
Father, I am not so sure.
Everything I ever did,
has turned to sandy dessert dust.
Everything I ever tried,
and I’m still having to adjust.
After every one of my attempts,
what is there that I can give you?
I am standing here with empty hands,
there is nothing more that I can do.
The mission that You gave to me,
I feel is desperately failing,
And even though I fight so hard,
all my heart can do is wailing.
Father, I don’t want to give it up.
but all my weary eyes can see,
is not You, my dearest Abba,
but the friendly people fighting me.
All I ever want to give You,
is everything that You deserve,
But Abba Father help me,
to find the way for me to serve.
Forgive the friendly people,
and keep them in a warm embrace,
because all I ever wanted them to see,
is Your hope and everlasting grace!
This poem, a prayer, I wrote around the age of 25/26 years old, shortly after I started writing again. And sometimes I still feel this way. As a daughter of God called to a life of serving Him, it is not always easy to persevere. There are so many times when you feel like giving up. In these moments of doubt, confusion and frustration, prayer is so important! You know, God understands these moments of doubt. Both God the Father and Jesus do. Remember how Jesus was in the garden of Gethsemane and He prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39) Even Jesus, in His deep fear, went straight to His Father for help. Just like Jesus we may bring our helplessness to the Father in prayer! We may lift our troubles up in prayer in the great knowledge that God will help us through the power of the Holy Spirit! Often when I am feeling weak, I also feel the Holy Spirit very close to me, encouraging me to move forward despite my fear and doubts.
Ever since I was a little girl I was touched by a part of Matthew 28. The part I am talking about is, ‘Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”(Matthew 28:18-20) Every single time I heard these verses, even as a little girl, I had the chills running down my spine, fire blazing in my heart and the deep desire to put these words of Jesus into practice. Whenever I am feeling afraid and doubtful, these verses help me out a lot. This is exactly why I keep on moving forward. This is exactly why I haven’t given up. Poetry is such a beautiful way to bring people closer to Jesus, the Father and the Holy Spirit! It is my way of putting Matthew 28:18-20 into practice. It is my gift back to God!