Guardian Angel

Every human being has at least one. A guardian angel. A guardian angel is a personal angel that God gave you to protect you and help you. Psalm 91 tells us, “For He will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways”. With He, the writer is referring to God. God tells His angels to guard us everywhere we go. Isn’t that comforting? Wherever we go, whatever we do, God commands His angels to watch over us. 

One of my favorite bible verses about angels is written in Matthew 18. In Matthew 18, Jesus is teaching about the Kingdom of Heaven by presenting a child as an example. Only if we become like children, we can enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus goes on to explain this, and right before He starts the parable of the wandering sheep, He says, “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in Heaven always see the face of my Father in Heaven”. To me that is just precious. As angels guard God’s children, they are always in connection with the Father! To me this is one of my favorite verses. God is always with us and knows our every thought. He sends His angels to watch over us and He keeps contact with the angels continuously. God is literally in full control. God loves us so much that He is everywhere around us to make sure that we are okay. Isn’t that beautiful? But most of all, isn’t that hopeful! If there was once a moment where you thought that maybe God doesn’t hear your prayers. A thought that God doesn’t see you pain, then I hope that this verse takes that concern away. God knows you and sees you. He is there for you. Please believe that! Talk to Him and ask Him what you need. God hears you and He wants to help you!

There are numerous bible verses about God’s angels. There are many different stories of people being guided, protected and given a message by angels. All to give us hope.

Allow me to tell you two encounters I had with angels! The first took place about three years ago during a holiday. Me and my parents were going to a cafe to have a drink. There I saw a woman, I instantly recognized as an angel of God. It was just something I instantly knew. I could not stop looking at her because I found it so strange to see her. I kept thinking, what are you doing here? Besides, I remembered seeing her over ten years ago in another country. The funny thing was that she looked exactly the same, not a year older. With ten to fifteen years between two sightings,  I thought that was rather odd. It took me months to figure out her name but eventually God helped me to remember her. She was Muriel, archangel of God. She is the archangel of nature. As I was sitting outside the cafe, a few tables away from her, she suddenly looked me straight in the eyes. Normally when I am staring at people for too long, I get either a death-glare or a glare that asks me what is wrong with me. But Muriel didn’t. She gave me a smile that blew me away. Never before had I seen such kindness in someone. I could literally read the kindness in her eyes. I was blown away by it because she didn’t treat me like everybody else did. Her kindness was not of this world, it brought Heaven straight to my seat. After my parents and me finished our drinks, we left. Coincidently we came and left right at the same time. She disappeared after that. I could tell you a lot more things I noticed about Muriel but my blog would be endless if I would. That encounter however brought a certain peace in my heart that I didn’t know I needed! A peace that told me, “Everything is going to be ok”.

The second encounter was a little while later. It was night and I was basically asleep. Suddenly I woke up. Well I wasn’t fully awake. My body was asleep but my eyes were open. It felt like sleeping but with my eyes wide open. An angel of fire was right in front of me. She was made entirely out of fire. The fire was yellow and orange colored and it didn’t burn. There was no heat coming off of her. I could have easily touched her without burning myself. It is quite difficult to explain really, but I felt in my heart that she was an angel of God. She was also small. Not longer than half a meter long.
She kep telling me to wake up. She said, “Gineke wake up! Wake up Gineke, you have to wake up”! It took me a little while to realize what she was saying but quickly I woke up. As I blinked my eyes to wake up, she was gone. Why God wanted me to wake up is not fully clear to me, but I believe God protected me that night. This angel also radiated kindness and friendliness.

It is about this last encounter that I wrote a poem. With this poem I would like you to know that angels watch over you as well. God loves you and He gave you a guardian angel from the day you were born. This angel is always with you to protect you. I hope this will give you peace in your life. And the hope that love is always around you wherever you go. God never let’s you go. His angels are, on His command, always watching over you! Never forget that!

Here is the poem:

Guardian angel

A woman who floats on the wind.
Her fire doesn’t burn me,
instead it gently soothes my soul.
Our eyes are connected,
and for one single moment,
the world stands still.

My deep slumber is interrupted,
by the fire of her worried heart.
“Awaken,
God child, wake up”!

In earnestness her fire lights up.
In loving worry her heart burns.
Darkness is lurking in the distance,
but the Light keeps my safe.

So in the stationary time,
where Heavenly spirits meet the earth,
vigilance is a shared reality.
And in one breath,
it sets in.

The dawn breathes,
the fresh air of life,
where nightmares can’t touch me.
But the morning hasn’t arrived,
and the moon still shows the night.

There under the stars,
the Lion guards with the Lam,
and me…with my guardian angel.

The Power of Poetry

Can I share a thought with you? For a little while now I have been searching for a publisher to publish my poetry. My manuscript is completely ready and all I would have to do is send it. In my search to a publisher I have been reading many experiences of other poets online. Also I have been talking to a few poets myself. Apparently a lot of poets experience the same problem. There are no publishers to publish their poetry. And the publishers who do publish poetry are either unreachable or extremely picky. This problem causes many poets to make the difficult decision, not to publish their beautiful poems. And those who do decide to publish their poetry, have to pay a lot of money to make it happen through self-publishing. In other words. It is almost impossible these days to publish poetry!  Why is that?

The problem publishers face is no audience! Hardly anybody reads poetry anymore. Which is such a sad thing because poetry can be so inspiring.
In today’s society poetry is seen as old fashioned. Something people did in the eighteenth century but not in the twenty first. Another issue with poetry is that not everybody understands it. Many people just don’t understand the clue of what the writer is trying to say. Therefore they don’t read it. It is simply too difficult! And the less people read poetry, the less it is sold in stores, and publishers cannot earn money with it anymore. The lack of making money is the main decision that publishers refuse to publish it.

But poetry really isn’t that old fashioned and difficult to understand.  The beauty of poetry is that basically everybody can write. For me, I started with rhyme and expanded from there. The key with poetry is to feel the melody of words. To feel a melody is not something everybody can do, but it is something everybody can learn.
Each heart is different. Each heart plays a different melody. Because of your own unique soul, your heart will play a a different melody than everybody else. Therefore your poetry is guaranteed to be different from other people. The tricky part is to open your heart, in order to hear, feel and experience that melody. And that is where many people cease. Some hearts got hurt and their melody is a sad ballad, instead of an upbeat happy tune. The question is, are you willing to deal with that tune? Or do you rather push it away, into a corner where no one can reach it?

not everybody writes poetry. Not everybody is creative. If I only look at my own family. We are a bunch of different souls squeezed into one group. Some are creative, but others are not. They have different qualities that make them unique. The point is that it doesn’t matter how good or bad you are at writing poetry. It doesn’t even matter how intelligent you are. Poetry is unique to everybody. Therefore when you read poetry, it will give you a different message than the message the writer received. I write my poetry with a reason, but I am well aware that readers can read other messages in it. This is the reason why I love poetry so much. When I read poetry of Emily Dickinson, the Brontë sisters or Akiane Kramarik for example, I read it differently than they wrote it. It is the magic of poetry. Poetic words have a power to touch, comfort, heal and inspire people. For me, poetry is a power on its own. A power given to me by the Almighty God! And I could not be happier to have been given such a gift. It has become a great part of my identity.

In short, poetry is a uniquely written part of someone soul that carries a unique message for everyone who reads it. And the message of the writer can differ greatly from the reader, which is called the power of poetry!
The funny thing is that everybody who has read the bible, has read poetry. Yes, the bible is filled with poetry. Think about the Psalms of David, Song of Songs by Solomon, and even the prophets have written in poetic form. You see, poetry does not necessarily have to rhyme! The songs David wrote, which we now call Psalms, are nothing other than poems. Words written on a unique melody that King David carried in His heart. The Psalms David wrote were his feelings, his emotions, parts of his life story and worship. Just because he sang it in a song, does not mean that it is not poetry. Poetry is a very wide range of written pieces. In a way, songs are poetry as well. Think only about rap. Rap is a very good example of poetry is the form of music.

So if the bible is filled with poetry, why then is it so hard to bring it to the attention of people? Maybe because I, and many poets with me, are not King David, King Solomon or any of the prophets! Yes, God talks to me to. God also gives me messages meant for people but I don’t have a famous name. In order to publish a poetry book, we have to have a name in the industry. We have to become a writer of fiction, non-fiction, bible-study or other high-ranked books first, in order to have a chance at a publishing deal. And this is a sad reality for many poets. Of course self-publishing is a great option, but self-publishing is a big investment that does not always pay back. Many have a mortgage to think about! There needs to be food on the table. And of course you can take a literary agent, but after all the monthly expenses, there is often not enough money for an expensive agent. By the way, agents work like publishers. Many will not represent poetry because of the lack of readers. So in this great worldly web, who stands a chance? Mostly those who have a lot of money!

I have not written this blog because I am bitter. I have not written this blog because I lost hope. My hope is not in this world! My hope is in God. I believe that with God all things are possible. I believe in His Almighty power to bring those things about that are for humans impossible! I believe that God will make a way, exactly at the places where there is no way! I believe in the power of my Almighty Father.
But that doesn’t mean that I cannot have compassion on other people. So many talented writers, poets, write treasures given by God that nobody will read. Diamonds of God’s love that are catching dust. Or in some cases, are thrown in the garbage can. People with a dream that have to give it up thinking that the chances are just too small. I cannot make a change happen on my own. But I hope, that writing this blog, will start a ripple effect. I hope more people will start reading poetry. I hope more people will find joy in poetry. Look, this blog is just my opinion. I am not writing this blog on behalf of every poet, but I still hope someone will read it and give more poets a chance. A chance to bring the melody of their heart, God’s message, to the world. God is present in poetry as well! And I hope that the inspiring melody of God’s music will be spread, all over the world!

 

Fishers of love

There is so much I would like to say. There is so much I would like to teach people. Especially christians. This week I heard another story of someone being criticized about a choice she made in her work. These things I hear so often! Too often in my opinion.  But this girl made a crucial and accurate statement; christians are one of the most judgemental people in the world! I believe it is one of the reasons why churches are getting emptier and emptier by day! The constant judging and criticizing of people is wearing people out.

A couple of years ago, I was walking through town. Two ladies stopped me and asked if I was a christian. Usually I avoid these conversations but this time I decided to give them a chance. I answered that I was, and I expected the conversation to be over in no time. They asked if I was going to church. Again I answered that I was. So far this conversation wasn’t that bad. Then they asked me if I was baptized. Again I answered that I was, believing that I passed the test. But then they said, “When were you baptized”? I responded that I was baptized as a baby. My parents brought me to God as soon as they could, because it was their greatest wish for me to be a member of God’s family! The two women looked at me and became sad. They said, “I am sorry madam but in that case, you are going to hell”! It was a statement that literally pulled the floor away from underneath my feet. I told them that Jesus had said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, because for them is the Kingdom of Heaven”. (You can find this in Luke 18: 15-16 of the Holy Bible) They answered that this may be true, but the bible clearly states that a person can only go to Heaven if he/she is baptized as an adult. I tried for a little while longer to convince them of Jesus’s Love for children but it had no use. I was going to hell and that was that. I ended the conversation before I could say something that I might regret later on. We parted ways and I walked straight to the car. I sat down in it and started crying. I looked up at the sky and said to God, “This is so unfair Father. They are destroying the faith of good people, good christians, this way. Why are they doing this”? I never got the answer, but it made one thing crystal clear to me. In order to bring people to Jesus, we have to convince them with our deeds, instead of our words.

God told the prophet Samuel the most truthful thing about judging other people, by saying, “People look at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart”. (You can find this in 1 Samuel 16:7 of the Holy Bible) I always hold on to this when people judge me. Not a soul in this world knows my heart but God alone. So not a soul can judge me for my my faith because they don’t know what is inside my heart. And exactly in this sense we have to treat other people. If we really want people to come to faith in Jesus Christ we have to stop judging them. We have to teach ourselves to see them as children of God instead of gentiles going to hell. It is not up to us to give faith to people. Someone once said to me, “We sow the seed and God makes it grow. There is nothing more we can do”. We cannot make someone believe in Jesus Christ. We can only show them the love of God by our deeds and explain them why we act the way we do. This is the only way people will see our faith. This is something the apostle Paul said as well in his letters.

We can preach a whole lot of words but words often hurt and chase people away. When Jesus called Peter to become His follower, He said, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (you can find this in Matthew 28 in the Holy Bible) You see what Jesus said here? Teaching them all I have commanded you. When you teach something to someone, you show them how to do it and have them repeat it. That is teaching! Not a teacher stands in front of a class without having studied the material and put it into practise. A chemistry teacher for example will show his students what to do, in order for them to repeat it and learn it. How then can you show Jesus to the people if you don’t act like Him?  

People talk, scream and shout all kinds of beautiful words, but if it comes up to deeds they are, at times, absolutely clueless! Jesus said, “Love, like I have loved you. Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you”. Jesus was a man of love who didn’t stay inside the synagogue. He went out into the street showing people how much God loves them. He even gave His life to prove it. By the way, when the criminal, who hung next to Jesus on the cross, asked Him to remember him in His Kingdom, Jesus said, “Today you will be with me in paradise”. Jesus didn’t say, “Well I am so sorry sir but you are not baptized”! No of course not. Jesus loves everyone and is happy with every soul who wants to be with Him.

I had a friend who once told me, “I hate christians and churches and everything that has to do with christian faith and christian people. But not you. You are different. I like you”. Initially I did not know what to do with this information. Nobody had ever said this to me before and I was still very young. But gradually I learned to see this as a compliment. What my friend was saying is, that I didn’t force her to become a believer in Jesus Christ. I wasn’t shoving faith down her throat so to say. I was just being her friend. I was never the one to start about Jesus. Of course, when she asked me questions, I would answer them but I never started about Jesus myself. She knew I was a christian and despite her dislike of christianity, she allowed me to pray silently before dinner at her house. I was young and not sure if I could pray around people who didn’t believe in Jesus. But she was absolutely fine with it. She always allowed me to be myself and I allowed her to be herself. Her friendship taught me that love is the best tool to show Jesus to people. I cannot change the point of view of someone who hates christians by preaching every time I see her, but I can show Jesus love to her, through who I am and hope she gets touched by it. Love touches more than human eyes can see and it is in love where our strength lies.

Like I said, I could go on for hours with all kinds of bible verses and examples. Jesus said so many wonderful things. Great teachings for us to put into practice. The point I want to make is this. Like Peter, we have to take our boat, sail out and go to where it’s deep. We have to throw out our nets and become fishers of men, by showing them who Jesus was in our deeds! If we show God’s love to people, they will truly be touched. Love conquers all kinds of evil and judging is not an act of love. I am not better than you and you are not better than me. All in the end, we are all sinners. Come off your pedestal, be who God intended you to be, and love your neighbor as yourself. And your neighbor is every single person around you, whether you like him/her or not. No one is excluded in the Kingdom of Jesus Christ. If Jesus can love a criminal then it is not up to us to refuse a christian because he/she is not like us. Love like Jesus has loved you and show that love to the world, and you will be…fishers of men!

Special and loved!

You are special and loved just as you are! You may not realize it yet but I hope you will very soon.

I see it all around me and I even detect it within myself at times. That deep desire of pleasing other people. It happens so easily and you often don’t even realize it. You are at a party and as you are listening to the conversations around you, you can’t help yourself. Before you know it, you are comparing yourself to everyone around you. The lady on the right is thinner than you, the man on the left is funnier, the third has a better job and before you know it, you feel pretty horrible about yourself. Or another scenario. You are trying to find a job and everybody has something to say. Your mom thinks you should find a job as a nurse, your dad thinks you should be a teacher, you brother suggests administration work and before you know it, you are trying to please at least one of them. In one of my previous blogs I talked about becoming your purpose. But how can you find your purpose when you are too afraid to be who you really are?

All we ever want is to be liked! You hear all these amazing stories of the people around you and you feel bad because it is not you. And the media is not very helpful either. They present super skinny people with flawless faces. When you look in the mirror you cannot see the beauty within yourself because you compare yourself to those faces on TV. And it aren’t only teenagers who do this. Adults are the same way. They start dieting and exercising to be thin as well. A little bit of botox here and a small surgery there. And often it swallows them up completely.

A couple of week ago I was in a town in Germany. We had parked the car in a garage and we had to walk a few stairs down. Now you may have noticed it in my picture but I have a lazy eye. When I was four years old, I had a surgery on my right eye to correct a lazy eye and squint. This surgery was apparently so successful that my left eye felt like it had no purpose anymore. Through the years my left eye became lazy.  Because of this eyes condition I cannot see depth. An annoying thing to live with, especially stairs are a nightmare. You see, the stairs often have just one color. For me it looks more like a straight path. I have to look very carefully to see the steps. Often I hold on to the banister and I am okay.
This day I did the same thing. I held on the banister and carefully made my way down the stairs. Two women came from another floor, from the opposite direction. They took one glance at me and burst out laughing. Pointing at me, they made fun of me and even though I have been laughed at quite a bit in my life, it still hurts. My eye problem is not so much a problem to me. I have learned to deal with it, especially when an eye doctor told me that surgery would not make much of a difference anymore, nor would glasses. My sight is normal, the only problem I have is not being able to see depth and I cannot look with both eyes at the same time. I don’t mind that my eyes are the way they are but when people laugh at me, I get very insecure.

We all have issues in our life. Whether it is our weight, our job, our clothes or a visible disability, we get insecure. The world has a certain expectancy. We have to look a certain way, earn a certain amount of money, behave perfectly and our personality has to be picture perfect as well. And it is so sad.

You and me, we are perfect the way we are. God made people in His own image. He made every single human being as a unique masterpiece. We have to learn to stop listening to what the world expects from us. It is time that we discover our own beautiful self within ourself. My eyes may not be perfect and I may be slightly overweight, but I am a beautiful person. I am sweet, kind, caring and joyful. And so are you. I may not be a lawyer, a doctor or a supermodel but I am a writer, send by God. I am good the way I am.

So are you. Stop listening to what people expect from you. The only thing that really matters is what you expect from yourself! God loves you. God thinks you are absolutely stunning the way you are. In God’s eyes you don’t need to be thinner, prettier or better. You are most beautiful when you are your complete self. When we are young it is so difficult to find out who we really are. But if we turn the noise of the world off. If we start looking deep within our own heart and soul, we will discover who we really are. That person that God created you to be is inside yourself, waiting to come out! Allow yourself to be who you really are because that is the place where you will find real joy and happiness.

But is is also the other way around. We can also look at other people and judge them. Because in order to feel good about ourselves, we make the other person a little worse, so we feel a little better. And it is all about insecurity. But you know what, everybody is just as beautiful you. Everybody is worthful because God did not just create you. He created everything and everyone. And when He saw what He had created, He blessed it because it was good (Genesis 1). If we learn to accept and love the people around us and treat them with dignity and respect, the world will be a better place in no time. We cannot change the way the world looks at us, but we can change the way we look at world. A small change is like a ripple effect in water, it becomes bigger and bigger. Finding out who you are and embracing your true self will lead you to your purpose in life. But most of all, embracing your true self will make you a lot happier. People cannot be happy for you, only you can do that for yourself. Be the real you, be happy and don’t forget that God absolutely adores you!

Remembering Heaven!

In the summer of 2015 I was on holiday in Austria, in a small town close to Innsbruck. This one day we were visiting Innsbruck and as we were walking through the main shopping street, we saw the famous swarovski shop. Knowing that the prices would be far out of our budget, we did not enter the shop but remained outside gazing at the window. Here in this window,  I noticed this huge swarovski diamond. A large round diamond, as large as a soccer ball. As I was looking at this diamond, I froze and said to myself, “Hey this is what Abba’s house looks like! Exactly this”! I didn’t say God’s house but I consciously called God; Abba! A word I hadn’t used before. Before that moment I usually called God; Father.
In an instant I saw God’s palace, in Heaven, in front of my eyes. It felt like a combination between a vision and a memory. I strongly felt as if I had been there before and I could vividly remember what it was like. As I was remembering Heaven, words came flushing through my heart and soul. I remembered every hall, stair and step. Every window I ever looked through. And the throne room of God. The Father’s throne in the middle, Jesus on His right and another throne on His left. On the left hand of God further away were 12 thrones that seated the twelve tribes of Israel. On the right hand of God also further away were 12 thrones that seated the twelve disciples of Jesus. I remembered the gold but also glass like material. I remembered light, love, joy and wisdom shining like a scented aroma throne the palace.
As soon as I came back to the campsite where we were staying, in a state of pure joy and excitement, I grabbed pen and paper and wrote a poem, in order to remember my memory.
Now I have to tell you that I never had a near death experience or anything like that. Yes God had talked to me before but never in His own house! There is no way I can remember Heaven unless I was actually there once. In the past I had a surgery when I was four years old, on my eyes, which I still vividly remember. But I didn’t have a near-death experience then. Things just went black and it was like falling asleep and waking up later. Before the age of three I cannot remember anything at all. And after the age of four I haven’t been in the hospital again. At least not for a surgery.
Even though I never had a near death experience, this was not a typical vision either, since I had those as well. I know the difference. Furthermore I was awake, standing on both my feet, with my eyes wide open, so it was not a dream either. I somehow just remembered!
In my heart I believe God was allowing me to remember this, so I could write this poem and share a little piece of Heaven with you. I can tell you that Heaven is the most beautiful place you could ever imagine. Every image you ever created in your own mind fades away by how beautiful Heaven really is. Sometimes I deeply long to go back there just to breath in the fresh air of love, kindness, joy and music! All I want to say is, that it is a place you want to be. And all you have to do to get there, is believe in Jesus Christ as the Son of God, who died on the cross and rose from the dead after three days. And I guarantee you that it is worth it!
Unfortunately I didn’t take a picture of the diamond. I was so stunned to see a piece of Heaven, or at least a reminder of Heaven, here on on earth that I completely forgot. But this poem is a memory of Heaven that allows me to go back every time I want to. When I read these words I find myself back in those hallways, walking around in God’s own house that I lovingly called; the Crystal Palace. And I hope it will do the same for you. I hope this poem will allow you to visit Heaven, dream about it, but most of long for it! And one day I hope to see you there!

Here is the poem I wrote;

The Crystal Palace

All the diamonds in the World,
cannot describe,
the house of my Father.
But when I look,
deep into the core,
of a large and crystal diamond,
I am suddenly reminded of Home.

The glass reflects the pure soul,
in a million different colors.
The many different angles,
show what’s deep within the heart,
reflecting the Light,
to all the corners of eternity.

Perfect unstained walls,
echo the joyous sounds,
to relive every moment,
filled with the love of the Light.
And every hall, stair and step,
lead to the throne of my Father,
who fills the house,
with joy, love, light and wisdom.

The house is in the diamond,
but even the diamond is too small,
unworthy to reveal it all.
But if my home is in my heart,
then my heart is in the home,
of the Crystal Palace.

 

Never alone!

The short poem in the picture came to me a few weeks ago. I was walking on the Simplon Pass in Switserland when God shared these wisdom words with me. I could literally feel the wind blow straight through my soul.  And isn’t it true. Especially in the dark moments of our life we can feel so lonely. But even then Jesus is with us. Ready to draw us in His warm embrace. It is something I really wanted to share with you. Please know and remember that you are never alone. Never!!! You may feel alone but you really aren’t. There is Someone watching over you. He loves you and He will never leave you! Please don’t ever forget that! 

Becoming your purpose

When I started this blog I made the plan to save my newest poetry for later, after I had published my first book. However the manuscript is completely finished and ready to go, I still haven’t found a publisher willing to publish it. So I made a slight change of plans, especially since my latest poetry has been helping me a lot with certain parts of my life. All I ever wanted was to help people and if God helps me, I find it my duty to pass it on to you so it can help you also. Just to see a smile on your face brightens my day.

During my journey with God, after He brought me back to writing at the age of 25, I doubted a lot. In fact I often still do. You wouldn’t think so since I get dreams and visions of God and I talk to Him on a very literal level, but I actually do. Truth is, I don´t get a lot of support inside my family. My mother is my greatest support system and I owe her a lot, but my other family members don’t understand why I dedicate my life to writing. Especially since it does not earn you a great living. And I do understand their point of view. In fact it is exactly that understanding that makes me doubt so much! If writing is my God-given purpose, why then does He make it so hard on me? Why can’t I find a publisher? Why does it take so long for me. to fulfill Jesus request, to publish a book. God’s ways are mysterious and I am left guessing for an answer, but it is in my poetry that I find my greatest answers. My poems are the wisdom, God gives me every day and I could simply not live without it. Writing is the only thing that makes me 100% happy!

In my poems God often tells me to persevere after you found your purpose. You find your purpose in life by searching deep within yourself, to that one thing God gave you. That special gem that makes you unique. Everybody is good at something. Something deep in your heart that has been tickling you for a long time. That one job that has gotten your attention ever since you can remember. Maybe you felt like it was impossible and never pursued it. But that is exactly the problem. We all have a purpose in life but often we are too scared to follow it. We are afraid of the reactions of our loved-ones, financial struggles that may come along with it and the biggest fear is failure. What if it does not work out?

Can I ask you a question?…..What if it does? What if your dream job could be a reality? The question is more…are you willing to work for it? Are you willing to take a risk? Maybe you always wanted to do missionary work. What are you waiting for? If God calls us to our purpose it is our duty to answer that call. We have to try to have faith, that, in contradiction to our fear, it will work out for the good of those who love Jesus. Because when we find our purpose, it is like finding a valuable diamond. You don’t through a ruby in the garbage can, because you don’t know what to do with it, right? The same way, you don’t ignore your purpose in life because you’re afraid of what might happen! Becoming your purpose, is being the unique soul that God created you to be. Honoring God is not just sticking to a list of rules and going to church every sunday. Honoring God is being that unique soul that God created you to be. Being yourself, seen through God’s eyes, is the greatest honor and pleasure that you could ever give back to God!

Find your purpose, praise God for it, and become your purpose!

(This is a poem I wrote this morning, exactly about what I just wrote)

Deep inside the core

 The treasure of a fruit,
is planted deep within the core.
Like diamonds deep underneath the ground,
seeds are saved deep inside the earth,
where they grow endlessly.

Gems are always found inside the shell,
saved from greed they are protected with care.
When one is willing to invest labor,
rewarded is he who doesn’t give up.

No books on earth,
can teach you who you are.
No soul on earth,
can teach you what to do.
No bird in the air,
can teach you how to fly.

To find the diamond within yourself,
you will have to find the seed,
that God planted deep within the core.

To find the seed,
is to find your purpose,
and with the diamond in your hands,
you don’t let go!

 

A second chance

Remember how I told you about my dream? My promise to God that I would never forget Him? God’s warning that life would be difficult and how I just could not understand it?
Well I would understand things very soon after that! Things only became worse after that dream. I didn’t have friends, and the bullying took to another level. Now it weren’t classmates and church-people making fun at me, intimidating me and making me feel worthless, it were adult who made my life a living hell.
After high school I went to study health-care. It was forever my dream to take care of people and make them feel better and the job fit the bill perfectly. Everything was going well except for the internships. The people who were suppose to guide me through the internship, often turned against me. During one internship I was just plainly ignored and left to fend for myself, in two different internships (these were all at different nursing homes!)  I was made fun of, bullied and excluded, everything to make me feel like I would never fit in and I failed multiple internships because of things like this. My study lasted longer than expected and I felt more and more worthless by the day. I locked myself up in my personal little world where people could not reach me. On top of all this, I got to hear that I have fybromyalgia and working in healthcare was no longer an option. My life changed dramatically.

A few months before my 20th birthday I became depressed and my mother send me to therapy. When I was 21 years old things seemed to go better. I had graduated and I got a job at a nursing home where I had done my final internship. I had made plans to go back to school after the summer to become a social worker and I felt happier. But then things took a turn for the worst. One single person at work yelled at me for basically no reason. She could have told me with a calm attitude and there would have been no issues but  due to her own stress, she yelled at me. That day I had a short shift and as I was driving home I cried endlessly. I felt misunderstood and hurt. I felt as if no one loved me and I felt that the world would be better off without me. When I left the bus, I had to walk across a small bridge and I knew exactly what to do. I wanted to go somewhere, where I was loved. Since God was the only one who loved me and made me feel loved, I wanted to go to Him. My mind was made up, I would jump down and commit suicide. In that moment I completely forgot my promise to God. God had promised that He would be with me but in that moment I didn’t think about that.
As I entered the railing of this small bridge, the contours of a man doomed up in front of me and I heard a voice. The same voice I had heard in that dream at age 14. The voice of the Father Himself. He said, “Gineke, what are you doing? You know that this isn’t the answer to your problems. Think about your brothers! Doing this will kill them. Besides, if you jump down I will make sure you break every bone in your body but you will most certainly not die. So get of that bridge right now”! To say that I had screwed up is a high understatement. Right there and then I felt like the apostle Peter who had betrayed Jesus. I knew I had made the biggest mistake in my entire life. At home I confessed everything to my parents, who immediately took me in a warm embrace and supported me all the way.

However God had left me. God was angry and I felt it in every fiber of my being. When one commits suicide, one actually says that there is nobody or nothing in the entire universe that can help them out. But that is simply not true! God can help! All you have to do is ask! I didn’t ask. Instead I forgot all about God and His loving promise to me. It took me five months and many prayers on my knees, and pleading for mercy, before God came back. As I was sitting in church, somewhere in the back with only my brother next to me and not a soul behind me, I felt a hand on my shoulder as the pastor was reading Isaiah 54. The same voice said to me, “This one is for you”. It was Isaiah 54: 7-8 which says, ‘For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you, says the Lord your Redeemer.’
God was back in my life. I cannot tell you how happy that made me. The grace of forgiveness is a powerful one that you feel in every inch of your body and soul. Yes I made a mistake and broke my promise but God is a forgiving God. A God of intense love! Just as God forgave me when I least deserved it. Just like God forgave Peter when he least deserved it. So God wants to forgive you, even if you feel like you don’t deserve it. God loves you and just like the father from the parable about the prodigal son, He is waiting for you to come home! All you have to do is pray and tell God that you are sorry. He is not a God of anger but one of love. Yes, God is very able to get angry when we make mistakes. Best is ,of course, not to make mistakes in the first place, but God is not One who stays angry forever. There is always a way back, no matter how big your mistakes are. Never forget that! God loves you! He really really does!

See the Sunflower in yourself!

The poem ‘The Sunflower’ I wrote after I started painting the accompanied painting. The reason I started painting is because I wanted to try to show what God was showing me through my dreams and visions. For a couple of years I had been following the story of Akiane Kramarik and one day in December of 2015, I wondered if perhaps I could do the same. Don’t get me wrong, I could never paint as good as she does. She is a true genius in painting. But as a hobby I just wanted to try it out. My oldest brother paints as well and my father loves it too, so it kind of runs in the family also. After getting my equipment together I decided to start by trying to paint apple blossoms. As I was setting everything up, God gave me a vision, a quick snapshot, of a sunflower. Feeling God’s request of me painting a sunflower instead, I started painting ‘The Sunflower’. It took me several months to figure this whole painting thing out but God supported me by bringing Sunflowers on my path wherever I went. The sunflowers even surprised me in Austria where I was on holiday!

During this time God quoted this poem for me and it is a poem that is still close to my heart. Whenever I feel like giving up on my assignment from Jesus to write a book, I read this poem to bring me back. Or when I feel insecure and a failure, I read it to lift up my spirit. What this poem does is show me that I need to learn to see myself through the eyes of the Father. Which is something I do too little. I often look at what I have achieved so far, how many people have read my poetry, my blogs, my writings, I compare myself too much by the standards of this world and too little by the standards of Heaven. In God’s eyes I am unique and beautiful. I have a purpose that I have to focus on regardless of the lies satan tries to put in my head. So whenever life brings me down, I read this to put me back on my feet with my eyes firmly planted on my journey ahead. And I hope that it will do the same for you!!! I hope that when you read this poem, you will plant God’s words deep in your heart, “I see the sunflower in you, all I ask, is for you to see it too”!

By the way, the sunflower is a flower that grows towards the light of the sun. Just like the sunflower you may grow towards the light of your Savior Jesus Christ. Seek His light to brighten you darkness and know that Jesus loves you more than you can ever comprehend!

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This is my painting called ‘The Sunflower’.

 

The sunflower

 The sunflower grows in the light,
but at the end of the summer it dies,
to bear fruit for the next harvest.

You ask Me why life crumbles,
but I ask you how the seed can grow,
if it does not first die in the ground?
The best treasures can be found,
after the most adventurous quests.

You ask Me why some people hurt,
but I tell you that the heart is against Me.
The ears don’t listen and the mouth does not speak.
Unreachable is the human soul.
Only the sunflower that grows towards the light,
will bear many fruit during the harvest.

You ask Me why time sometimes seems to stand still,
but I tell you that time is an earthly measure.
The seed is sown and the flowers grow,
but the seedlings cannot bear the fruit.
Growth requests patience,
and yet I only wait for the petals to unfold.

Why is your soul in such a hurry,
when everything happens according to My plan?
Why is your soul so downcast,
when I have set you apart from the rest?
I tell you, My light has been around you all this time.

Grow like a sunflower.
Open your unique, golden petals.
For your fruit shall be many,
and your harvest shall be great.
Let My light rise you up,
so the strength of your soul,
will be filled with pure joy.

My child, I see the sunflower in you,
and all I ask is for you to see it too.

A dream to remember

Making friends have always been difficult for me. My greatest fear was to be alone – without friends, so I did whatever I could to be “normal”. I was very shy and had no self-esteem. Life just wasn’t very easy on me and I was well aware that not everybody liked me.  When I started attending high school, I lost a lot of my “friends” from elementary school. I was laughed at, rejected and made fun off. Not just in school but also in church. Frankly wherever I went, there was always someone who would try to make me feel worthless and often with great success.

When I was about fourteen years old I had a dream. A dream like none I had ever had before. In my dream I was at a beautiful place. Standing on a mountaintop with grass greener than I had ever seen before, I was looking at a secluded valley with a tropical rainforest in it. The rainforest was secluded by mountains, which shape one could compare to the Grand Canyon. There was no way out of the forest. The mountain walls surrounded it on ever angel in an almost perfect circle.  Five waterfalls came down the cliffs. There was a pine forest at my left and in front of me was this big rock. And I heard uncountable different birds. Instantly I felt a presence and I immediately knew that God was standing next to me. I thought, this is a moment I will never forget! Somehow I knew that it was God the Father Himself standing next to me. In awe of His Holiness, all I could think of was that the Father was the Almighty Creator high on His throne, so I had to be on my best behavior. I really wanted to please Him. I could look at Him but seeing Him was impossible. It was as if the Father had put a veil over Him so I wouldn’t be affected by His Holy Light. The best way to describe God is that He was intensely sweet but also kinda strict.  He started speaking to me saying, “Gineke, come sit next to me, please. I did. He paused, so I took the opportunity to tell Him how beautifully He had created the valley in front of us. He looked around and said, “I know”. This caught me a little off guard because I expected a thank you. However looking back I remember Genesis 1 where God saw what He created and thought it was good. It makes sense to me now. After another short pause the Father said to me, “Gineke, you have been through a lot already and you will go through a lot more. It will not be easy but I want you to know that I will always be with you. Promise me that you will never forget that”! At fourteen I had put the past in a corner of my mind where I would not be reminded of it, but I was well aware about what He was referring to. At the same time I didn’t quite understand what He was talking about but since I was talking to the Almighty Creator of Heaven and earth, I was to scared to ask. At the end, all I said was, “ok”. This time the Father looked at me and said, “You have to promise Me that you will never forget that I am with you, will you do that”? This second time I heard the urgency in His voice and I got slightly confused, but once again I said, “I will”. For a third time the Father said, “Gineke, you don’t understand. You HAVE to promise me that you will never forget that I am with you”! The urgency had only increased and I was only more confused. In my mind I thought that maybe He was overreacting a little bit because I wasn’t going to die, right? Not aware of the fact that God could hear my thoughts and to afraid to asked further questions, I said once again, “ok, I won’t”. The Father sighed deeply. I think because He knew that I didn’t understand Him. He saw that fear stopped me from asking further questions. In a way He even got frustrated because He couldn’t do anything about it.  In order to lighten the atmosphere a little, I told Him once again how much I love what He had created but He only sighed and said, “Let’s just go”.

When I woke up I was both confused and excited. I had just seen God the Father  but what He had said kept puzzling me. Soon I would come to understand how serious the Father actually was and how desperately He was trying to protect me. God the Father knew my future and the choice I would one day make. A choice He would not allow to happen under His Almighty Watch! God did everything to save me from making the biggest mistake in my life. At fourteen I could not comprehend all this. I wasn’t aware of the danger looming in the darkness. But you know what? God did not let His head hang that easily. He did exactly as He promised and stayed close by my side. And at twenty-one I would come to understand just how great the grace of God really is!